And the wait has begun. . .

Adoption seems like one big waiting game.  I can already affirm the fact that a paper pregnancy is much harder!  We have already been waiting to adopt longer than all three of my pregnancies combined! 

30 months ago   Brad and I recognized our mutual call to adopt (pursued initially through foster care)

12 months ago    I started being pulled toward international adoption

9 months ago     We began the process with our agency

15982 miles       The distance our dossier travelled from our home to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia (with stops in Kentucky, Utah, and Washington, D.C)

11/11/13             The date our dossier arrived in Ethiopia and we officially got on the waiting list

159                     Our first waiting list number (will be updated the 1st of each month)

Now we simply WAIT. . . and prepare. . . spiritually, emotionally, financially, prayerfully. . . we educate ourselves for the next phase.  We update our paperwork as it expires (can you believe we have already done that with one of our clearances?).  The bulk of our adoption expenses are yet to come and when they do, the timeline will be much less flexible and closer together.

Some have asked how long our wait will be.  The short answer is we don't know.  There are currently 158 families ahead of us on the list.  That means every time our agency gets a child or children who meet the criteria to be adopted, they start at the top of the list and locate the first family on the list who is a match (each family has their own criteria for a "match").  Many families never get to #1 on the list before they receive a referral.  We were originally told the wait was estimated at 15-18 months once we were on the list, but that wait could be shorter or longer based on multiple factors.  This fall some of the paperwork requirements in Ethiopia changed and that has resulted in the referral process to come to a standstill, but that will hopefully pick up soon.

Micah is still praying every night for her baby brother and/or sister. . . and when I say she prays nightly, I mean she NEVER forgets her sibling in Ethiopia but has forgotten to pray for her other family members quite frequently (much to her father's disdain).  For 3 years old, she has been so patient.  She has only asked once why it is taking so long and I've have asked that question myself more times than I can count.

Please continue to pray for our family and our patience!

Trees Grow Slowly

Have you ever watched a tree grow?  Initially, you'll probably think the same thing that I did.  "Of course I haven't watched a tree grow!  It's too slow!". 

You would be wrong.

We've all watched a tree grow.  The trick is that trees that are alive are always growing.  They are just (obviously) growing too slowly for us perceive.  Every day, that one tree you have in mind is somewhere between its last growth ring and adding another one.  The space between them is constantly getting wider, bit by bit by bit. 

Water is being pulled through the roots, up through the branches, out to the leaves, and back again.  The leaves are doing their undeniably godly process of converting light (literal energy) and combining it with that nutrient-rich water, and causing each tree you see (every single day) into just a bit more wood, sap, buds, sprouts, flowers, or maybe even fruit.  Yes, we can most easily see the tree's SIGNS of growth, but make no mistake, we see the ACTUAL growth.  And this seems natural to us.  We are never surprised when we look upon a tree that we haven't paid attention to in years and realize that it's put on 10 feet of height.

And so it is with (in my experience) tomato plants, my hair, may kids, and God's will.

Our family just received our long-awaited USCIS approval letter, which allows us to send our entire dossier across the world.  We got a bit (understatement) frustrated.  Anger, cynicism, and negativity pushed their way through into my feelings about this entire process of paperwork, approvals, regulations, and red tape.  We had to WAIT; that was HARD.  I had forgotten which process was really in being played out in our lives.  The will of God was at work.

In the waiting (and especially after it was done) I have come to realize that God grows things very slowly, and He does it for a reason.  As to what that reason is, I'm not sure now; I'm not meant to know now.  I have been told this, though.

"The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever...." Deuteronomy 29:29.

God taught Moses to give these words to the children of Israel, just before they entered the Promised Land.  I'm sure they had plenty of questions as well.  God gave them the answers they needed, the means they needed, and the grace they needed to get by.  I must claim these words for our family and our process as well.

Our youngest, Micah, prays every night with our family and mentions 3 things each time she prays.  These include her baby brother or sister, her mommy's garden, and the little tree in our front "yarden". One day, this process will be done.  One day, we'll be walking hand in hand with the children God has given us from East to West, and I'll realize that the trees God planted in our hearts (and home) have indeed grown, just as Micah, and the rest of us, have prayed (and watched) since the beginning.

Hallelujah to the Grower of all good things! (1 Corinthians 3:7)

You Know You Are Adopting When. . . .

We are currently in a holding pattern while we wait for "immigration approval."  This is just one of the MANY things you wait on in adoption.  As soon as that magic letter arrives in the mail so it can be added to our dossier, our paperwork can start the trek that will end in Ethiopia.

You know you are adopting when. . .

• You’ve been fingerprinted and had more background checks than a hardened criminal.  My new rule of thumb, is if you have ever been cleared to adopt, you can bypass the normal "stranger caution."

• You don’t hesitate to spend $42 to get a certified copy of your marriage license shipped ASAP the same day that you do your grocery shopping for the week and only spend $32 because you need the money for adoption expenses.

• Your social worker knows things about you that your parents don’t know (don't ask).

• You find yourself walking into the doctor’s office to get the results of your husband’s blood tests for HIV and syphilis.

• You contemplate which you should pay first: your mortgage or the next payment to your adoption agency.

• You know what the terms dossier, cocooning, I-600, home study, reactive attachment disorder,  and sensory processing disorder mean.

• You have your notary on speed-dial and have had her meet you on a Saturday morning (thanks, Jill!).

• You screen your calls while at work but if your adoption agency comes up, you answer it no matter what.

• The following people/entities have had to vouch for your ability to parent: your friends, family, boss, accountant, children’s teachers, coworkers, and preacher; bank, health and life insurance companies, and even the IRS (via past tax returns).

• You try to discover your hidden “talents” that could be used to help you fundraise for your adoption.

• You write large checks, fill out all kinds of forms, and show up at out-of-town appointments for fingerprinting because your agency told you to, even though you aren’t exactly sure what the purpose of it is.

• You are in love with a child you’ve never even seen. . .

Nationality and Race

Recently when completing a form for Micah’s preschool, there was a question that asked “Nationality?”  According to dictionary.com, this word means “the status of belonging to a particular nation, whether by birth or naturalization.”  I was thinking of how I would answer this question about our adopted child one day.  Our adopted child will become an American citizen upon landing on U.S. soil, so that would make him or her American.  But that sort of neglects a large part of his or her heritage, seeing as the child was literally born in Ethiopia.  I would venture to guess that virtually all the children attending this preschool are American, either by birth or naturalization.  So why even ask one’s nationality? 

That brings me to the topic of race.  Am I the only person who gets a little confused?  Do I say Caucasian?  White?  Of European descent?  When I looked up the meaning of the word, it was just as vague.  According to dictionary.com, “race” means:

1.  a group of persons related by common descent or heredity.

 

2. a population so related.

3. Anthropology .
     a. any of the traditional divisions of humankind, the commonest being the Caucasian, Mongoloid, and Negro, characterized by supposedly distinctive and universal physical characteristics: no longer in technical use.
     b. an arbitrary classification of modern humans, sometimes, especially formerly, based on any or a combination of various physical characteristics, as skin color, facial form, or eye shape, and now frequently based on such genetic markers as blood groups.
     c. a human population partially isolated reproductively from other populations, whose members share a greater degree of physical and genetic similarity with one another than with other humans.

4. a group of tribes or peoples forming an ethnic stock: the Slavic race.

5. any people united by common history, language, cultural traits, etc.: the Dutch race

 

Ummm. . .so how do I answer again?  The definition actually includes the word arbitrary.  That means “contingent on one’s discretion.”  So basically, one’s race can be totally whatever group he or she wishes to associate with.  If I am confused, and I look am a typical, white girl, I can’t imagine how hard this question is for someone who is biracial.  They usually only let you bubble in one answer.  Then again, most of us are actually biracial since there aren’t many “purebred” humans anymore (and if you don't believe me, research your family's genealogy).

The thought has occurred to Brad and I that we will likely have some combination of black, white, and biracial grandchildren one day.  We went to Spring Park a few weeks ago and there was a family reunion celebrating at one of the pavilions.  I had this image in my head of our family reunion one day and it made me smile, particularly how perplexed it would make people when they saw all these different colored people running around in “Bernard Family Reunion” T-shirts.

 I always get the feeling that when race is asked, they really just want to know your skin color.  Anyone besides me think that?  Maybe they just want to know if two women walk into the room, and they know my “race,” they will know which one I am.

Micah loves to sing “Jesus Loves the Little Children.”  Remember the part in the song when it says, “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world”?  Not to go off on a tangent, but Micah actually changes the words to “Red and blue and black and white…” which causes Brandon to giggle at the idea of a blue person.  Micah doesn’t realize she has the words wrong (and I won’t tell her because I love her version) so when his laugh interrupts her, she pouts, “Now I have to start over again!” and the whole process repeats itself again and again.  My fingers and toes actually turn blue in the winter with my poor circulation so I would argue a person can be blue. . . Smurfs are blue, right?

Anyway, the Nationality question got me thinking about all of this.  I'm not sure now if I put American, Caucasian, or white, though I should have just answered “Human.”

I think I would like it if instead they asked Red? Yellow? Black? White? . . .and maybe throw in a Pink? Brown? Other? and Blue?, too!

Doubt and Doing

The fire alarm is screaming, smoke pours from every fenestration, emergency vehicles speed to the site...and half the people in the building are trapped.  Nobody cries for help, because nobody survived.

All this occurs about once a month in my world, just before I wake in a cold sweat, have a 10 second freak out, then rush to work as quickly as possible to check the building code for life safety items I may have left out from our latest building design.  Thanks be to God, nothing like this has ever happened, and honestly, I've never made a mistake on life safety that could've allowed a tragedy such as this to happen.

So why the worry?  The answer is simple: Doubt.

I feel doubt all the time.  I doubt my aptitude as an architect, my ability as a parent, the intent of my deeds, and even (I admit it) the power and love of my God.  The more I tend to look inside myself, the more I see myself for (were it not for God) who I really am, and "how" I really am.  I am not good enough...at anything.  In these times, doubt can pour into me like water through a scrim. 

At times, this is how I feel, but thank God our true feelings do not a Truth make.

There are other times, of course, when the scrim holds more tightly, but still the water drips.  I experienced this feeling several times during the past 2 weeks.  It last happened as I stood on stage, performing in the Tennessee Valley Art Association's Summerstock version of "Les Miserables".  While singing as a part of the ensemble, and surrounded by ridiculously talented musicians, I found myself wondering, "What am I doing here?".  The fact that I was there in the midst of these people made me doubt my own ability at all.

"Was I chosen as a favor to someone else?"
"Did they feel sorry for me?"
"Are all these people laughing at me?" 

These were honestly the thoughts going through my head.  The questions also ring out concerning more important things.

"Are you doing this adoption thing just to impress your friends?"
"Can you really be a good parent to an Ethiopian?"
"Are you sure this is the best use of your money?"

Here's the catch.  Whether at work, play, parenting, faith, or adoption, we usually doubt what we are ACTUALLY DOING.  While I was performing, I was doubting myself.  While I parent, I doubt myself.  While I am in the throws of adoption, I doubt myself.  While I walk with God, I doubt us both.  This is where "how I feel" collides with what is true.  The truth is that God, through His grace, gives us the ability to do anything good at all.

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10)  We are given the strength to live out God's purpose in our lives as we walk, not just before we start.  This is why Jesus is living water, rather than a stagnant cistern (Jeremiah 2:13).  Faith is not lived by how we feel, yea how we doubt.  It is lived by what we KNOW.  Maybe Paul states it better.

"Do I make my plans according to the flesh, ready to say "Yes, yes" and "No, no" at the same time?  As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No.  For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you...was not Yes and No, but in Him it is always Yes.  For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him.  That is why it is through Him that we utter our Amen to God for His glory." (2 Corinthians 1:17-20)

In the face of all my doubts, these are the things I KNOW.

"By God's grace, I lived out a dream by performing in "Les Miserables"
"Because of Him, our children will turn out ok"
"By His power, our adoption will be how and when it should be"

...and God, please, no dreams of burning buildings.

Why Ethiopia?

I imagine people wonder how adoptive parents choose how they are going to adopt: domestically (privately or through foster care) or internationally.  When Brad and I first felt called to adoption, we pursued adopting a waiting child in the foster care system.  Every system has its pros and cons, but after we'd been licensed about a year, I started feeling a call towards international.  We knew a few people who had adopted internationally or were in the process.  Honestly, we thought adopting through the state would be quickest way to get our newest family member, but we started realizing that isn't necessarily the case.  We were truly touched by the foster children we were blessed to have in our home and our experiences have helped equip us for our upcoming adoption, but we also felt like one door after another closed for us in terms of finding a child through the foster system.  We started praying more about God's will for our family and still felt our call was to adopt.  Once we settled on international adoption, it was time to decide where.  After praying and researching our options (every country has different requirements), we decided Ethiopia was our call.  While we are still learning about Ethiopia and the people and culture, it is heartbreaking and startling how desperate the circumstances are there, especially for the least of these: the orphaned children.

According to a survey by UNICEF in 2011 (most of these numbers have shown great improvement in the past 10+ years):

• 1/11 children die before age 5
• 90% of the population doesn't treat their drinking water and in rural areas, 98.3% don't have access to drinking water on the premises, with over 62% having to travel 30 minutes or more to get water
• 95.2% in rural areas have no electricity
• 47% of the population is under 15 years old
• 19% of households have foster children and 12% have orphans (lost one or both parents)
• 52% of females and 38% of males NEVER went to school
• Literacy rates: 38% of females and 65% of males
• 27% of children aged 5-14 have been involved in child labor and <2% were paid
• Median age of 1st marriage: 16.5 years old for females and 23.1 years old for males
• Women average 4.8 births
• 77% of married women have the potential for a high risk birth
• Only 34% of women received prenatal care; 10% of births are delivered by a skilled provider
• 21% of newborns were classified as "very small" and 9% as "small" (only 5% are weighed)
• Just 24% of children 12-23 months old are fully vaccinated
• In children under age 5, 44% are stunted (too short for age), 10% are wasted (too thin for height) and 29% are underweight (too thin for age)
• 4.6 million children have lost one or both birth parents (total population is 73.8 million)

So if you were wondering why Ethiopia, I would ask, why not?

Psalm 68:5-6 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families. . .

Like a Lion

As I mentioned on a previous post, Micah has been calling her new baby sister, which she has assured us that God has promised her, Ariel.  Ariel happens to mean "Lion of God."  Lions are significant to us, not only because of their prevalence in Africa, but also because we love the song, "Like a Lion," and Micah was singing that song practically as soon as she could talk.

Recently friend posted a link to another blog, that described another adoption story that shared a significance with "Like a Lion."

http://radarradio.net/blog/stuffed-lions-the-bashtas-adoption-story

I thought it was really cool, and I can't wait to see how God weaves our adoption story.  I am so excited to meet the newest member of our family, and I have to keep telling myself that it will all happen in God's perfect timing. . . for us and for the child He has already chosen for our family.

What's Next:
Our next task is submit an I-600 form, which is required for international adoptions.  This will also require us to be fingerprinted again for the Department of Homeland Security and the process/approval is estimated to take 3 months.  While we wait on that, we will be assembling the final documents needed for our dossier, which is the packet of paperwork that will be sent to Ethiopia.  At that point, we will be put on a wait list for our child.  We are being told the wait from that point is approximately 18 months to receive a match.  We are ready to "hurry up and wait" at this point.  Brad said we may not have any friends left by the time we get done asking people to write recommendations, notarizing tons of forms, and calling in favors to get all these random documents from (to name a few): the police station, the bank, our health insurance company, and the circuit clerk in 3 different states.  Please pray that this next phase goes smoothly for us!

Micah's prayers:
Micah often volunteers to say prayers for the family at night before bedtime.  She is so sweet (and creative) with her prayers.  They always take a similar format, "Thank you for my mommy, thank you for my daddy, thank you for Sissy and Bubby, thank you for my baby brother or my baby sister in Epiopia (how she says it), thank you for Mommy's flowers (my rose bushes), thank you for the big tree and the little tree (in our front yard), thank you for my school, thank you for chapel, thank you for learning about God in chapel, thank you for going to Disney World, in Jesus' name, A-MEN!"

Waiting and Hoping. . .

We are getting close to completing our home study!  We have one more visit with our social worker and our medical physicals are all scheduled within the next week.  We only lack a couple other forms, such as our employment verification and some reference letters (you know who you are) to finishing.  From what we've been told, once our home study is complete and approved, we will begin working on gathering any additional paperwork needed for our dossier, which is the packet of information that will be sent to Ethiopia.

On the home front, our time as foster parents has come to a close.  It was no secret that our reason for getting licensed for foster care was to allow us to adopt a child who could not be reunited with family.  After living with us for 3 months, our foster teen (sorry for the vague name but trying to protect his anonymity) is being moved to another living situation.  We have prayed extensively and feel at peace that we did all we could to show him the joy in having a relationship with Jesus and all He has done in our lives and our family.  This decision was tough for us because we hoped our teen would become a permanent member of our family, but he made it clear over the 3 months he was with us that he was not interested.  The biggest disconnect was our differences in religious beliefs, which created an ever-growing chasm in our everyday lives.  We will continue to pray for him and he will forever have a piece of our hearts, just as we have for the other children we have met through the foster care system.

We do hope and plan to stay involved in advocating for foster children but will not continue to pursue adoption through foster care.  Please pray for all the children who are in foster care and for all those involved in the foster care system.  Even if being a foster parent is not a calling or possibility for you, there are many other ways people can get involved, such as becoming a CASA (court-appointed special advocate) or a mentor, or even donating items for foster children, such as clothing, toiletries, and toys.  One thing that struck us from our experiences, is these children, who are your neighbors, your children's classmates, or your child's T-ball teammates, have not gotten to experience many little things in life, such as a trip to the zoo or the movies, going out to eat in a restaurant, or picking out an outfit in a store.  It is amazing how many things we take for granted that these children are missing out on.  If you are interested, here are some links with ways you can get involved:

http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301309/k.9D58/Volunteering.htm

http://dhr.alabama.gov/services/Foster_Care/Intro_Foster_Care.aspx

Please keep praying for our family.  We often feel weary on this journey, which for us is approaching 2 years since we started praying about and pursuing adoption.  We likely have a LONG wait ahead of us to complete our family, but we trust it will be worth all the heartache in the end.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.   --Romans 8:24-25

Names

What is the story behind your name? 

Ask your parents one day, and listen to the painstaking detail they took to give you your name.  Even better, ask the parents of an unborn baby.  It's a good way to fill about 15 minutes of time, if you ever get the chance.  Just use those simple words, "Have you thought about a name?"  Try it sometime and see how important our names are.

Speaking of Solomon's temple, God told the people of Israel, "My Name shall be there" (1 Kings 8:29).  He told Moses in Exodus 6, "I am the LORD.  I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty, but by my name the LORD I did not make myself known to them".  He ws the same God to the patriarchs, but when the time was right, He revealed to His people His Name.  Doesn't this make all the difference?  Names breadth, depth, meaning, and (most importantly) personhood.  We are not just made, loved, saved, and redeemed by a power, or even an entity.  Our God is a person (3, to be precise).  This intimacy of the knowledge of knowing who God is holds the key to us know who we are, and who we are to become.  "Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD...." (Hosea 6:3)

Names are important to God.  Now that we are praying, thinking, talking (and blogging!) about our future new addition, we wanted to come up with some sort of name or nickname so we would not have to constantly refer to our child as "he or she" or "it" or "the child/baby."  At this point our home study states we are seeking to be matched with a healthy 0-3 year-old boy or girl.  We figured since we didn't "choose" the genders of our biological children, we wouldn't do it with our adopted one either, and age-wise we have decided to maintain our current birth order.  When we are matched with our child, he or she will already have a given name, which we can choose to keep, incorporate as a middle name, or replace with our chosen name.  We will probably wait and see what the given name is of our child before making a final decision about what our child will be called.  Don't forget that God was pleased to change the names of some of his special children (Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Saul)! In the meantime, we have been considering possible names, just like we did when we found out we were expecting our biological children.

Micah is confident that her new sibling will be a girl and her name will be Ariel.  As a matter of fact, she tells us multiple times a day that God has told her she will have a baby sister named Ariel.  She has been consistently telling us this for weeks now.  After a trip to Disney World in December, we assumed she got the name from the princess of the sea.  The name Ariel didn't really appeal to us, so we didn't think much of it at first.  About two months ago I decided to humor her and look up the meaning of the name.  I like names that have significance of some sort (outside the realm of Disney).  So, I looked up the name and this is what I found: Ariel is a Hebrew name meaning "Lion of God."  What a strong name for a strong child who has endured the circumstances that led to her being an orphan, whatever those might be.  Jesus is referred to as the Lion of Judah in the Bible.  Ethiopia happens to be one of the top 7 countries (all in Africa) believed have the most lions living in the wild.  Ariel is also another name for the holy city of Jeruselum as mentioned in Isaiah 29:1 (Woe to you, Ariel, Ariel, the city where David settled!)  Obviously we cannot deny the significance of this name and we have decided if Micah does get her baby sister, she will have to be named Ariel!

We have chosen Simon as our boy name for the multiple significant (to us) Biblical references.  The Hebrew name means "he who hears."  Simeon (another form of Simon) was one of the 12 tribes of Israel, as well as the voice of the beautiful words, "For my eyes have seen your salvation...." in Luke 2:30.  My favorite disciple was Simon (Peter), who was bold and passionate.  Whatever he did, he did it whole-heartedly, and he lived and died for Christ.  What initially gave us the idea of the name Simon occurred when our family watched "The Bible" on the History Channel in the weeks leading up to Easter.  After traveling hundreds of miles for Passover, Simon of Cyrene (located in Africa) was forced to help Jesus carry the cross, which would have made him unclean to take part in Passover.  It is no doubt that his experience had a profound impact on him.  Simon is specifically mentioned to have two sons, Rufus and Alexander, which is significant because typically men were identified by their fathers, not their sons.  It is speculated that at the time the gospel was written, the reader would have been familiar with Rufus and Alexander.  Paul mentions a missionary named Rufus in Romans, and it is believed that this may be Simon of Cyrene's son.  Either way, the significance of Simon of Cyrene Biblically is evident by the fact he was mentioned and identified by name.

God already knows the name of our fourth tree.  He has planned within His perfect purpose who it will be, when it will be, and how it will be.  We do not know these details yet, but we do know that the One whose Name is above all names does.  We eagerly wait His gift. Please pray for our adoption journey and for Simon/Ariel!  We can't wait to meet you!

Staring in the Mirror

I’m a bit weird. Really.

Have you ever really thought about yourself?  Who are you, really?  If not, here’s an exercise.

 Tomorrow morning, as you approach the mirror, like you do every day, look back into the eyes there.  Usually when we use a mirror, we are looking only at hair, teeth, or clothes.  Am I right?  Instead of seeing the details, I challenge you to consider the person in your mirror.  When others think of (your name here), this is the face they see.  Those are the eyes they consider when they hear your name, or answer your call, or respond to you on Facebook.  This is your body, your shell…but is it “you”?  Now just sit and look for a while, taking in that “you” are indeed this figure in your mirror.  It’s weird, I know.  It’s also kind of freaky if you consider too long.  It’s like you’re trapped in this body, good or bad, but the point is this; it’s not really “you”.

Emily and I took the kids to my step-grandmother’s visitation tonight and we discussed “where” she is now.  She was not still in her body, that too small shell that lay in the casket before us.  So where is she?  Micah kept asking whether she was just asleep, and when she’d wake up, etc.  Of course, we tried to explain that our bodies are not really who we are, but rather that they hold our souls, until God takes them to Himself (or otherwise).

 Here’s the point; thinking about yourself is hard.  Trying to tell someone who the real “you” is takes a lot of work  In the adoption process, they make you do it all the time!

Honestly, how many of us have written an autobiography?  How many of us have taken a picture of each room in our house and sent them to a stranger?  How many of us have filled out a family tree?  How many of us (you’ll love this one) have drawn a “Community Tree”, illustrating the relationships in our lives, while identifying certain people with “!” and other with “X”.  Yeah, I figured on that last one.

Here are some of the questions we’ve come across.

 

          “Does my spouse want this adoption as much as I do?  Explain.”

          “Do your parents support you in this process?  Elaborate”

          “Do you feel like a rescuer?  Why or why not”

          “Name some of your strengths and weaknesses. Explain.”

          “Will you feel embarrassed with a child of a different race? Explain.”

          “Would you ever leave your spouse or consider divorce? Why?”

 

 It gets overwhelming at times, and we have just started!  I’ve had to tell more about myself in the past few months than I ever have in my life, and we’ve had two house closings in the past 10 years!  This is one thing I’ve learned from the process; the more you write, the more you can describe yourself.  Those “Explain”s after every question become annoying, but our adoption agency is tediously forcing us to drag ourselves out of ourselves (if that makes any sense).  That same agency is going to read all the stuff I write about myself and those around me, and tell me whether they believe me enough to allow a child from across the globe to come live at my house.  Using only a few pictures, and enormous piles of writing, I have to actually make them believe my testimony about myself.

I’m reminded of a couple of scriptures.

           “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen being understood form what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” – Romans 1:20

 God has given us a picture of Himself.  The world, indeed the universe, is simple (if that’s possible) a testimony of God’s greatness.  Why did God make the stars of the constellation Orion, which are light years apart, line up to form the figure of a man?  Why did God give us eyes that can literally see light years away, even if we can’t read a billboard 100 yards in front of us?  Why did God create such a vast place as our universe, where there’s so much “wasted space”?  Part of the reason is that God wanted to show us all as much of Himself as possible.  God is huge, vast, full of energy, and the one whose hand flung this uncountable number of stars into their exact places.

           “When the LORD finished speaking to Moses on Mount Sinai, he game him       the two tables of the Testimony, the tablets of stone inscribed by the finger    of God” – Exodus 31:19

 God has written about Himself.  This verse closes 11 entire chapters of God’s instructions for His people, and this didn’t even really include the entire Law, which He would give soon later.  Why did He write so much?  Why did He get so detailed?  Part of the reason is that God wanted to show Moses as much of Himself as possible.  God is complex,  precise, detailed, unflinchingly holy, and absolutely perfect.  The Law itself speaks to God’ view of Himself, and the impossibility of “being perfect as He is perfect”.

God gives us copious amounts of writing about Himself, and God has given us copious amounts pictures of Himself.  These two come together in the man Jesus Christ.

 He is the picture of God.

           “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.” – Colossians 1:15

 He is the writing of God.

           “In the beginning was the Word, and Word was with God, and the Word was God” – John 1:1

This is the testimony that God gives of Himself, and I believe it.  I’ll be praying that my (our) testimony is deemed believable until God reveals His word in us, and in our fourth tree.

So who are you?  Have fun staring in that mirror….

From the Mouths of Babes

Tonight when I was in the car taking Micah to dance class, we were just talking.  She says some thought-provoking things sometimes, so I just threw it out there and said, "Micah, how do we teach T about Jesus?"  She answered with, "What do you mean?"  And I responded, "T doesn't know Jesus."  Her answer was simply, "Jesus is God."

I was speechless because that pretty much summed it up.  T has been attending a Jehovah's Witness church (or Kingdom Hall as they call it).  After my extensive research on their beliefs, Micah's statement was the biggest chasm between their beliefs and Christianity.  They do not believe Jesus is God.

So on the way home, with both girls in the car, we were talking about Jesus again (one of Micah's favorite topics).  She commented how Jesus died on the cross to "give us" (forgive us) our sins.  That rolled into a topic of what sin is.  Later in the conversation, Micah commented that Jesus climbed onto the cross all by Himself.  I told her that was so true because Jesus allowed himself to be sacrificed for us.  I love having these car ride talks with her because it is amazing the insight a three-year-old can have on topics that many adults don't completely understand.

Please continue to pray for T that the Holy Spirit might move in him and he will realize that Jesus was more than a man!

John 10:17-18 The reason my Father loves me, is that I lay down my life-only to take it up again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.  This command I received from my Father.

One Week in April

Emily and I have quickly learned a hard truth spoken by a wise friend of ours.  He said something like, "When your life seems like it's falling apart around you, that's a sign that God is at work too."  Though we haven't been personally affected by the last seven days, it has affected us deeply nonetheless.  To put it bluntly, the past week was hard!

We know that God calls His children to hard things (like adoption!) so that He can show Himself mighty in them in spite of our weaknesses.  Several folks around us have shown that they know this truth as well.  I decided to tell the story of this week in my own way.

7 DAYS

 

The first day was alive,

Vigorous with worshippers, eager to thrive

On the Truth, raised from the dead

In flesh and blood, just as he said

He would.  By His temple torn

And tattered, the sons of God were born

Into eternal life.  The first day is always the beginning

Of the end of death, and the start of God’s winning

Another battle in the war that is already won,

There was evening, and there was morning.  The first day was done.

 

The second day was for Fools.

Laughter and games and smiles are tools

In the hands of friends and families, growing

Closer by every smile shot from faces showing

Slightly twisted branches, heavy with the fruit

Of love, joy, and peace.  The loot

That is plucked from such a day is neverending,

Or so it may seem when God is sending

His blessings in the packages of fun.

There was evening, and there was morning.  The second day was done.

 

The third day brought death

And an appreciation for every breath

That God gives to these shells.  I am but a vapor.

What was the good?  Why did our Father take her

Instead of an old man, or a crook, or me?

The answer lies here.  We are not meant to see

Such things in our state.  God is the one who gives

And takes and gives back.  This I know; she lives.

Our Lord gave her a race. Because of Him, she has won.

There was evening, and there was morning.  The third day was done.

 

The fourth day was dark.

The shadow of death lingered in stark

Contrast to Sunday’s light.  How would he

Make it?  How would they all see

How much she cared?  On days like this

God seems to dwell in the background, a wish

Under one’s breath for things to change.  Yet

God calls us to walk in the shadow until our needs are met.

The Lord is our shepherd.  Our needs are none.

There was evening, and there was morning.  The fourth day was done.

 

The fifth day was a promise broken

Deeds done and words spoken

Cannot be returned to hand or tongue.

And so, even God’s children can be stung

By the fall and its obligatory consequence – sin.

Does this mean that the King of the Universe can’t win

In men and wives, children and lives, or love?

Sin is a reminder.  God has made a promise above

Feelings, either good or bad.  His love cannot be undone.

There was evening, and there was morning.  The fifth day was done.

 

The sixth day brought relief

When the branches exhaled from a grief

Avoided.  My soul called to the Lord to ask,

“How many other times have you delivered me past

These petty worries and fears I wear like a beast

Of burden, with my face to the ground?”  Too often, I feast

On that which is not real bread

Partaking of the world instead

Of you, my Lord.  Lift up my head to the Son!

There was evening, and there was morning.  The sixth day was done.

 

The seventh day…rest.

Have we been cursed or blessed

By the weight of God’s hand resting on us so strong?

Teach us, O Lord! Do not tarry long

In showing us your ways - by deaths and lives.

Teach us your purpose through husbands and wives.

Sing over us the song of the redeemed

So that we might trust that when all seemed

Out of our hands, it was in Yours. Days are precious; You make each one.

There was evening, and there was morning.  The seventh day was done.

 

The first day was alive….

Life is getting busier already

So, we took the plunge and are in the midst of the home study process for our adoption.  We are working on the literally hundreds of pages of instructions, paperwork, background checks, and required reading and training necessary for an international adoption.  It really feels almost overwhelming when we see how far we have to go.  I started looking yet again at the payments required to complete this process and thought, "What have we done?"  Then, I remember this is God's call for our family and feel some peace.  I can't blame all, or even most, of the recent turmoil on the adoption process.

I alluded to our foster care journey in my initial post.  Let me give a little more background.  Brad and I are licensed foster care parents, so we had completed the State required adoption paperwork and requirements back in the fall of 2011.  When we'd been licensed almost a year, I started feeling a pull towards international.  Nothing was happening on the foster-adopt front.  We had no real prospects or communication with the state about potential matches.  I started researching international adoption and really praying about it on a family vacation to Disney World in December 2012.  Brad and I spent much of our travel time on the way home discussing it.  Within an hour of arriving home, we got a message from our social worker that our home study had been pulled for a potential match.  I mean, we haven't heard A THING from the state all year!  So long story short, it took about a month with the Christmas holidays to get all the details about the child the state was considering for us.  Unfortunately that match, a teenage girl, fell through when her current foster parents decided to pursue her adoption.  So by mid-January we were back to square one yet again.  Even though I still believed God lead us to foster adoption first, I really questioned our purpose in taking that road since all we'd done is hit multiple dead ends through failed potential matches and children we'd inquired about online.

We talk to some couples who have done international adoption or are in the process.  I contacted a couple adoption agencies and we selected Lifeline.  The SAME day we faxed in our initial application  and paid the $250 application fee online, we get a call from DHR.  Brad followed up and the social worker wanted to know if we would take a teenage boy for one night.  We decided to help out "this one last time" as we had not told DHR of our new plan yet.  The boy touched our hearts and the next morning, we told the social worker he could stay longer if needed.  So, that afternoon, he moved in.

We don't know where this will lead or how long he will stay at this point.  This is a new road for us because our goal has always been adoption and that is not necessarily the plan for this child due to his age.  He is a good kid who's had a tough life.  He is slowly warming up to our family.  There are virtually no significant issues with him (which is a true rarity in foster care) except the biggest one of all for us.  He is not a Christian.  This has been the source of my stress for almost 2 weeks now.  It isn't that he hasn't been exposed to a faith at all.  He is deeply embedded in another faith (or cult as some assert) which teaches that all the differences between what we believe and what he believes is of Satan.  I know that only God can do the work to change his mind, but I find myself constantly evaluating if I should be doing things differently or saying more to help him realize why Jesus is the one and only Savior.  This is truly a stressful situation that has challenged me in ways I was not prepared.

Our plea at this point is to pray for this child, that he will come to know the Truth.  That he will see Jesus in our family and want to know more. . . John 14:6 and John 14:10

The Beginning

Brad and I were the beginning of our 4 trees.  We met in 1995, before we started our freshman year of college, and started dating February 14, 1996.  Exactly 3.5 years later on August 14, 1999, we got married.  In 2002, we welcomed our first "tree," Brandon.  Lauren, our second "tree," arrived in 2005 and we wondered if maybe our family was complete. . . until we realized we were expecting Micah, our third "tree" who arrived in 2010.  Our family was finally whole. . . or so we thought.  In August 2011, Brad and I mutually discovered we'd been feeling a tugging in our hearts to add to our family through adoption.  We prayed and agreed that this was God's call.  Shortly after, we started inquiring about adoption through the foster care system.  By the end of December 2011, we were licensed.  We had 3 short-term placements over the next 7 months but we were still seeking a permanent adoptive placement.  We inquired about several children we saw on Heart Gallery but nothing worked out.  (More about our foster care journey later as there have been some updates since I originally wrote this in early March.)


After more prayer, discussion, research and even more prayer, here we are.  We are embarking on a new path along our adoption journey. . . international adoption from Ethiopia.  Lately, our youngest, Micah, has been telling me she is a big sister.  I know she thinks (even with her tiny body) that she is "big" but perhaps she knows something I don't yet.  It is possible right now that there is a child somewhere in the world who has been conceived or even born that is ours and has already made Micah a big sister.

Now to the story of the trees:

In 2010, I told Brad that I wanted him to create some artwork to cover a HUGE wall in our living room.  So for Christmas that year, he gave me 3 paintings of our little "trees".  A different tree represents each child, as explained in this poem Brad wrote: 

TREES

The first tree is hearty and ever
Green.  Waxy leaves never
Dampen until they fall in heaps
Below its pinnacle steep
In the sky.

The boy is as such, ever alive

Growing and sprouting - he thrives
On the knowledge of the world
And ever spirals about, unfurled
With more and more leaves that fall
And litter the ground with all
Of God's blessings to us.

The second tree is soft and sweet

With arms all about that keep
The rainfall dripping instead
Of gushing on your head
As one rests in its shadow.

The girl is as such, fair

And gauzy, translucently she wears
Her feelings and her love.
Her gentility is far above
Her years and her smile lights
Up the darker, too-manly corners of her father, right
Up to the top of his soul, and he is thankful.

The third tree is young, yet vivid

Even fiery, with its sharp and splendid
Clothes that God allows it to wear
A few weeks each year,
Before He strips it bare with sleep.

The little girl is as such, small

Immature, yet endowed with all
The glory of God's laugh
When He pours out His sweet cup on those who have
Counted their blessings and thought
They were done.  For these, God has bought
The fiery brilliance of being surprised by joy.

Brandon is our magnolia.  When he was born, our house (at the time) had 3 large magnolia trees in the yard.  Micah is our maple. Brad had her sugar maple tree planted in our new home's front yard before I came home from the hospital after delivering Micah.  Lauren is our ginkgo. A couple weeks ago, we had a ginkgo tree planted for her.

This brings us to our fourth tree.  We do not yet know about this tree, but it has a home in both our hearts and our yard.  Our family strives together, looking forward to how and where God plants it.

Just tonight (March 6, 2013), Brad and I were discussing names for our journal/blog. As the conversation turned to "trees," Brad recalled a song he had heard recently.  He only remembered that it was about trees, but when I read the lyrics, this "coincidence" quickly became an affirmation of this next step in our search.  My family and friends know that I don't believe in "coincidences" because with God there is no such thing.  After reading these lyrics, we agreed that our journal/blog should rightly be named "Our Four Trees".

Planting Trees by Andrew Peterson
We chose the spot, we dug the hole
We laid the maples in the ground to have and hold
As Autumn falls to Winters sleep
We pray that somehow in the Spring
The roots grow deep

And many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn

He took a plane to Africa
He gathered up into his arms
An orphan son

So many years from now
Long after we are gone
This tree will spread its branches out
And bless the dawn

So sit down and write that letter
Sign up and join the fight
Sink in to all that matters
Step out into the light
Let go of all that's passing
Lift up the least of these
Lean into something lasting
Planting trees

She rises up as morning breaks
She moves among these rooms alone
Before we wake
And her heart is so full; it overflows
She waters us with love and the children grow

So many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless someone