Christmas Before Easter

Over 3 years ago in March 2013 Brad and I were still licensed foster parents.  One evening I came home to a 17 year old African American teenager sitting on our couch.  I'll never forget the look on his face--the fear and uncertainty that he tried hard to mask with indifference.  Over the next several weeks while he was a part of our family, he tried to prove he didn't need us to take care of him.  This child on the brink of adulthood was torn between believing he could fend for himself (as I suspect he had done for quite some time) and allowing himself to be vulnerable and cared for.  He was a good kid who'd just had some tough breaks in life.

Perhaps that is why the intense spiritual warfare that went on in our home while he lived with us was so unexpected.  Of all the things we feared when bringing an unknown teenager into our home, this was not one we really anticipated.  We had encountered spiritual warfare in foster care before, but this was truly a war for the truth to be evident in this young man's soul.  And during that period he was in our home, we lost the battle.  

A lot has happened in the years since.  We have reconnected with this young man and have continued to build a relationship with him.  Truthfully, I think of him like another son.  This weekend, I have seen the beginnings of an answered prayer that has been over 3 years in the making.  At 21 years old, he had never really had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas before, and this year he agreed to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family.  I pray we have shown him the joy of the season and modeled what a family is supposed to be like.  But mostly, I pray he comes to truly know Jesus like never before.  You see, that spring of 2013 he had agreed to attend church with our family on Easter, and it did not happen that Sunday or any since.  Given the circumstances, I have no doubt Satan was involved. . . but perhaps it was God's plan all along that we would have Christmas before we could get Easter.  Here's to new beginnings!

credit to Mrs. Beth for the photo--our family was in the balcony

Ransomed

We learned pretty early in our adoption process that Annie has a close bond to an older foster sister where she is living.  Recently, I saw a blog post advocating for this older girl's adoption.  I feel so sad for this girl, who has waited longer than most for her own family and seems so loving towards the younger children she is around.  It is such a tragedy that all these children who have already lost so much now have a price on their heads. Through no fault of their own, these children now have a high dollar adoption fee that must be paid in order to ransom them.  In our broken world there are too many individuals and entities who are corrupt or are looking to take advantage of a child in a hopeless situation, so our worldly solution has resulted in a taxing, lengthy, stressful, and costly adoption process to try to keep things ethical.  But isn't that again a picture of the gospel...of our redemption in Christ?  Couldn't Jesus have skipped those 33 years on earth and avoided the pain, sorrow, and disappointment that came with it?  Did He have to pay the price with His life?

We so often dismiss Christ's death on the cross as if it is nothing, but then scoff at the money it takes to complete an adoption.

How much is your life worth?  Your child's?  What would you pay and what length would you go to pay it?  Jesus certainly didn't take the easy way out for us.  Orphaned children are the most vulnerable helpless beings on earth. There is absolutely NOTHING that they can do to get out of their situation.  They need a redeemer, just like we all need the Redeemer.



 Our family could have done a lot with the money we have spent over the years on adoption.  If you knew how much we'd spent, I'm certain it would SHOCK you.  It amazes me to think about it, and honestly I couldn't tell you how we did it.  The numbers don't add up, but somehow God provided.  When we first started the process in 2011, we didn't really consider private (domestic or international) adoption because of the financial aspect.  We already had 3 children we were raising and couldn't imagine saving large sums of money.  But God ended up calling us to face EVERY single fear and reservation we had about adoption in the 4 years we waited for Simon.  For us, the Lord required total surrender and when we finally did, we had our child in our arms within a week.

So how have we done it?

First and foremost, but the grace of God.  People in the adoption world not-so-lovingly refer to the "adoption fairies."  This is the spiritual warfare that attacks in the form of financial crises, including lost jobs, costly home or car repairs, illnesses or surgeries, and anything else that diverts planned adoption funds to other avenues.  It is a given as a Christian family that you will face more of these types attacks during an adoption.  

We have made sacrifices financially.  Brad drives a car older than our son, who will turn 14 this month.  We have passed up opportunities for vacations, fancy clothes, the latest electronics, and other luxuries that we could have afforded otherwise.  We have not invested this "extra" money in retirement or college saving accounts.  We certainly haven't chosen the comfortable or easy route by adding to our family through adoption.  Matthew 6:20 tells us "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." There is nothing we could EVER buy that would be as rewarding as what adoption has done for our family.  We have been the lucky ones.  And the reality for children who don't grow up in families is heartbreaking.

Without adoption our son Simon would almost certainly not have received the medical care he has needed for his chronic ear infections or the intervention for his hearing loss.  Our daughter Annie, who is waiting for us, is 4 years old, but is the size of a small 1 year old.  These children aren't worried about whether they will have designer clothes or a trip to Disney World or a car when they turn 16.  These are first world luxuries.  Vulnerable children are worried about when their next meal will be.  In many parts of the world, survival is not a given, especially for orphans.  I have known multiple families in the adoption process whose child died of easily preventable or treatable causes before the family was able to complete the required steps to travel.  We have to know that God is in control, but time is not our friend in the adoption process.  There are always delays and hiccups and simply unexplained waits.  And sometimes these delays mean a child "ages out" and becomes ineligible to become legally adopted.  Know that vulnerable children who survive to adulthood do so without a personal advocate to ensure they receive the basic nutrition, nurturing, guidance, medical care, education, and life skills necessary to survive.

Mother Teresa said, "The poverty of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for is the greatest poverty."

There are literally thousands of children in need of a family.  Their adoption paperwork is prepared, and they are patiently waiting their turn.  Could it be you God is calling to ransom them?

The Brutal and the Beautiful

We live in a strange world.  All around us, everyday, our senses and our lives face collisions from this odd place.

In one way, this place wears away at me, reminding me that there are still places where being the wrong color can be deadly, there are approximately 40 million lives thrown away to abortion each year, over half a million souls go homeless in the most prosperous country in the world, and of course, we are still embroiled in wars.  This world can be a brutal place.

Other times, of course, the world builds back, in tiny chunks, what it has torn away.  I've seen black and white praying together, I've seen the effects of medical missions, as they change life by doing things as simple as fixing teeth, there are Chinese women who care for literally dozens of orphans in one house, and, again, I see war.

Yes, there is beauty in war, and I was inspired to cite portions of the movie Hacksaw Ridge to exemplify how the brutal and the beautiful can meld, and how, specifically, these things relate to God and how He has also designed adoption to be the same way.

In the movie, Private Desmond Doss, becomes the first conscientious objector to win the Medal of Honor for his acts of bravery during the Battle of Okinawa, near the end of World War II.  In short, he served the US Army as a battlefield medic, going into battle without a weapon, and was instrumental in saving the lives of no less than 75 men over several days.  You can read more about his story here.

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss

Read his story and watch the movie.  You will find no shortage of brutality or beauty.  Here were my thoughts while viewing, based on some of the film's greatest scenes.

- Adoption is War -
     Anyone who has gone through the drudgery of the adoption process, whether domestic, international, or through foster care, can attest to the truth of being attacked on all sides. You will be attacked by Satan.  Attacks will range from your health, your family's health, your relationship with your extended family, your finances, your work schedule, your work security, breakdown of the adoption system, questioning your own motives, doubting God's timing, battling despair as you see the crushing need for more children who need forever families, the hustle of paperwork, travel plans, potential "what-if's" about your adopted child, etc. 
     I could go on, but you get the idea.  In Hacksaw Ridge, Private Doss was told to take off his medic arm badge, as the Japanese army took pride in killing medics.  He had become a target by becoming an agent of good.  The same goes for adoption.  Satan hates children and he hates families who want to help those children.  War is brutal, right?

- Adoption takes a Team -
     Private Doss valiantly braved the blood and guts (literally) of battle, dragging each wounded man he encountered to the edge of the 400' tall cliff, near the edge of the U.S. camp below.  He devised a rope system to lower the wounded down to camp.  When at the bottom, these men would be take off the rope and Private Doss raised it back up to find another.  In short, Doss braved the field, but those below supported his efforts.  Without both, nobody would've been saved.
  So it is with adoption.  Not everyone can (or should) be "out there" doing the adopting, but there must be a slew of others there waiting in the wings.  There must be supportive extended families, churches, Sunday School classes, schools and teachers, adoption professionals, medical professionals, and legal professionals.  Sadly, adoption is a complicated process, so the support of those "in the camp" is essential, or else the system breaks down.  Of course, when the system works, amazing things happen.

- Adoption is about Life and Death -
     On Hacksaw Ridge, thousands upon thousands of men died on the battlefield.  Desmond Doss saved 75.  By default, the work of an Army medic is anemic, at best.  War is inherently about death; it is only the exceptional parts which make some into heroes.  Doss testifies that he prayed continually through the night, "Lord, let me find one more."  The beauty in this request could fuel a dozen sermons.  Here's the thing, though.  Private Doss's faith in God was the driving force to do this amazing thing, and he prayed that God would do it through him one man at a time, and yet he would leave thousands behind.
     Adoption is often heartbreaking because you know that you can't adopt every child.  Simply put, adoption is about life or death.  And here's something you won't read on many adoptive blog sites.  There will be thousands of children who are born, live, and die without ever gaining a forever family.  They will be left on the cursed battlefield of this Earth, and suffer the consequences of the effects of sin on this world of ours, not as punishment for their sins, mind you, but simply because we live in a world full of sin, hurt, and pain.  We Christians are called to tread this earth, and to be in the world but not of it, and to therefore, be instruments to rescue the perishing one life at a time.
     Jesus went after 1 in 99.  He went after you and me.  We must look adoption in the face, and see it not as a global issue, but a personal one.  Adoption is like a pair of eyes; look hard enough, and you'll see yourself.  Oh, that God would raise up a great army of  soldiers to join in the cry, "Lord, let me find one more"!

- Adoption is worth it -
     When Private Doss lowered those wounded men to the ground, he did so with rope, without gloves, and often very quickly.  Of course, this meant serious rope burn.  He was bloodied, tired, caked with dirt, and (eventually) wounded himself.  The movie portrays this ordeal as incredibly intense, almost hypnotic, so much that when he comes back to camp, Doss is still on edge, jumpy, and hyper-alert.
     Soon thereafter, one of his commanding officers is led to the makeshift hospital which had been set up in camp and asks, "Who did all this?".  The answer came back, "Doss....". 
     Adoption is often painful.  It can make you feel like crap, and, on some days, even look like crap.  Getting it done and completed is an ordeal.  After the brutality of all the worrying, second guessing, waiting, paying, signing, notarizing, paying again, and legalizing are over, though, to look back and see the outcome makes you believe anew that the greatest things are always the hardest on some, and free to others.  To reminisce on the pain, in light of the reward, is to know that it was all worth it!

     Desmond Doss was a hero.  He went to war and risked his life for the life of another over and over and over again.  In the end, though, he did his duty.  Was it amazing?  Yes, of course!  Funny though, I don't think I've ever heard a hero admit that what he or she did was heroic.  It's also funny how doing what you are ordered to do puts you in the position to look like a hero.  "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans...." (James 1:27).  You, reader, are called to do this in one way or another, and it. is. always. worth. it.
     I'm reminded, though, every earthly "hero" is only a shadow of the one true hero.  He lived a beautiful life and died a brutal death, and was raised to a new life or imperishable beauty, which He has granted to all who believe.  The true hero receives the ultimate glory. This is the ultimate end of Hacksaw Ridge, every adoption story, every human being, all brutality, and all beauty.  I think Desmond Doss would agree....