We sent some emails and made a couple phone calls to learn more about our options with different adoption programs. Then, the bad stuff started happening. In the past 6-7 weeks, we have dealt with problems at work and worries about job stability. We have had multiple doctor visits for Simon with the return of his ear infections and a fever virus with temperatures over 104. He's had x-rays, blood work, shots, prescription medications, and chiropractic visits. Our entire family got a stomach virus that was so severe one child ended up in the emergency room. My debit card number was stolen and $1400 of unauthorized purchases were made. Our extended family has had a death of a sibling, a fall that required surgery and significant loss of function and a stressful foster care situation. We are still battling some minor health issues that occurred in 2 of our children while Brad and I were in Hawaii last summer adopting Simon. One child was traumatized to the point it is still causing anxiety.
It's amazing how you can be cruising along through life feeling good about where things are and things can change so quickly. I know all of the things we are dealing with are minor compared to what they could be and for that I am SO grateful, but a lot of little things cause a big change in your outlook. I am not totally surprised, nor do I think it is a coincidence, that we had all this happen when we started acting on pursuing another adoption. Unfortunately, this is how Satan works. And it does certainly make me second guess if we are prepared for all that adding another child to our family would entail.
What if we have financial problems in the midst of a likely financially costly adoption? What if we have unanticipated medical expenses within our current family or with a newly adopted child? What if our time is stretched too thin when we add another child and we compromise our relationships with our individual children, our family, or our marriage? Looking at it from that standpoint, things could go wrong and we could have major problems. But isn't life already pretty unpredictable regardless of whether we adopt again? Not adopting will never guarantee we will coast through the rest of our lives relatively "easily" but look at the potential if we do adopt: What if the next child is more of a blessing to us than the other way around? How might bringing an orphan into our home impact that child's salvation, life, and his or her future generations? How might living the Gospel in our home reinforce our faith with our current children? When I look the options, the answer seems pretty obvious, but believe me, I am a not a risk taker. This leap scares me just as much this time around as it did the first time.
So here's the deal: we are praying about pursuing another adoption. . . not so much IF we should adopt at this point, but HOW. Brad and I have gone back and forth considering the many variables: domestic, international, or foster? Boy, girl, or either? Age? Special needs? The only thing we are not really grappling with is the child's race because it does not matter to us.
Please be in prayer for discernment and clarity as we seek out God's will for our family. We are excited to see what He has in store for us!
