Trees by Joyce Kilmer

Weakness

My word of the year for 2018 was weakness. I know it’s a bit of an odd choice, and honestly I wasn’t quite sure how to approach it. Obviously it was not necessarily something I wanted to strive to improve in myself, like some of my words in the past. But I felt there was something to be learned from not only acknowledging one’s weaknesses but discovering how to utilize them or even embrace them. When I looked up the meaning of the word weakness, these were the first two definitions listed:

The state or condition of lacking strength 

A quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault

 In John chapter 9, Jesus heals a man who was born blind.  He is asked his disciples if the man’s blindness is a result of the man or his parent’s sin. Jesus answers that the man’s disability is not a punishment for sin but will be used to glorify God. I think about 2  Corinthians 12 where Paul states that he will brag about his weaknesses because Christ’s power would be made perfect in his weakness. 1 Corinthians 1:27 states, “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

These scriptures sound a lot like God telling us to embrace our weaknesses. If we were perfect individuals, we might think we don’t need God. If we were strong we might take credit for ourselves and not give the glory to God. So yes, to a certain extent we should embrace our weaknesses as a means to keep us humble. But also we need to keep in mind that God works ALL things for His good (Romans 8:28). He can take our imperfections and still use them. Not only can he use them, but he has proven to do it over and over again. Not a single person mentioned in the Bible (other than Jesus) was perfect, and most of the time, their character flaws were very obvious.

In the difficult times in my life I was tempted to question “why me?” but I had to believe God was planning to use my tough times for good, such as helping someone else in a similar situation. Not only have my struggles helped me to relate better to others in similar situations, but they have helped to strengthen my faith.

Fierce Love

I am physically small and weak. I’ve never been able to do a real push-up, and after birthing 3 babies, I can no longer do a sit-up. I’m no longer “climbing” the career ladder. I had to choose between spending more time with my family or advancing my career. I chose my family, even though I still miss a lot of class parties, field trips, medical appointments, and other events while I am at work.

By worldly standards I am clearly not strong or powerful, but when it comes to my children, don’t underestimate my persistence and determination. I can function for days (or years now) on interrupted limited sleep. I can juggle a to-do list so extensive I can’t even remember it all in my head anymore. I can power through a 10k with my cross country kiddos with limited preparation. God has been equipping me in different ways to be the mother of the 5 children He has entrusted to me.

Our experiences adopting have brought out the Mama Bear in me. Vulnerable children seem to struggle disproportionally more than other children. Adoption is spiritual warfare. Ask any family involved in foster care or adoption, and they will tell you they have experienced spiritual attacks like they’ve never seen before. In her book I Call You Mine: Embracing God’s Gift if Adoption, Kim de Blecourt says, “One type of love I never experienced, however, until I became an adoptive parent was fierce love.” In her description of God’s love for us she notes, “His love for us...is so fierce He would do anything, go anywhere, fight anyone, and give up anything — including His only Son.”

Take our youngest child, Simon, for example. God must have epic plans for him based on his life so far. It took us 4 years of waiting and 3 home studies (foster, international, and domestic) to bring home the child God intended to be our son. Like every adopted child, Simon experienced trauma in the loss of his first family and their culture, though we are doing what we can to maintain ties with both.

We had complications legally with his adoption, to the point that we literally sent a letter to every state congressperson in Alabama pleading for help. We had attorneys in 3 states working through the mess, which had nothing to do with his birth mother’s consent for the adoption as she went above and beyond to help us. Minutes before Simon’s adoption finalization, which we had travelled out of state to complete, we were informed that the judge may not allow it due to another crazy legal glitch.

During this stressful time, we were also trying to secure the necessary medical interventions for Simon’s hearing loss. We were not expecting to discover that not only were the needed specialists all out of town, but our private insurance did not cover the majority of the expenses. The following year, we started the fight with early intervention to get him “appropriate” speech services. Again we pleaded for help by sending a letter, this time all the way up the state early intervention chain-of-command. A year later I was at the state capitol speaking on behalf of the dismal state of early intervention services for children who are deaf/hard of hearing in Alabama. During this time Simon was chronically ill with ear infections and had 2 sets of tubes and his adenoids removed within a 1 year period of time.

Even though Simon had greater delays due to not receiving the speech services he needed as an infant/toddler, he is finally making great gains! At the beginning of this year when Simon was not quite 3 years old, he was almost 2 years delayed in expressive/receptive speech. He has almost caught up to his peers in receptive speech (what he understands others say), and we have seen good progress in his expressive language skills (others understanding what he says). He attends speech therapy 3 times a week, with one of his visits involving a 75 minute drive each way. He has audiology visits several times a year to recheck his hearing and monitor his hearing aid function. Now he needs occupational therapy, and yet again, we have run into road blocks with how to get the therapy he needs covered (private pay) and how to fit another therapy appointment into our little guy’s week. I am becoming an expert at IEP law, and let me tell you, it feels like I am earning another college degree.

God has given me a peace about Simon’s struggles. I have never feared that Simon’s future would ultimately be limited by his hearing loss or resulting speech problems. But every once in a while I feel sad for him. He got stuck in a piece of playground equipment one day at preschool and couldn’t communicate to his teacher why he wouldn’t come when she called. There was an incident with another child in his class, but Simon couldn’t tell his teacher why he was upset or if he was hurt. When Simon’s hearing aid batteries die, his ear molds act more like an ear plug, blocking the residual sound Simon can hear, but he is not able yet to communicate that his aids aren’t working. His unintelligible speech is a picture of what he heard for the first couple years of his life when we could not clear the fluid from his ears.

There are signs of hope, though. Simon loves to sing and count and say his ABCs. He can spell his name. He is starting to express his needs and wants verbally. Just today Simon was in the Chick-Fil-A indoor play area. I was watching him through the window when I realized one of his hearing aids was flipped off his ear. I didn't make it out there before he approached another mom and indicated he wanted her to reposition his hearing aid for him. I laughed at the time at his boldness, but later realized he was learning to advocate for his needs.

I pray that Simon never loses his outgoing personality or self-confidence. I pray he is not bullied because he is different. I pray he is never ashamed because of the way God made him. I pray I can be the mother he needs. I pray to have the fierce love for my children that God has shown towards me.

Breath of God

Colossians 3:16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through songs, hymns, and songs from the Spirit...

Brandon and Lauren are attending Discovery Weekend with the youth at church this weekend. Brandon was asked to give the "Jesus" talk Saturday morning, which included his testimony. Brandon doesn't particularly like getting up in front of people. As his mother I can see how nervous he gets when he is on stage. But when he was asked to give this talk, Brandon didn't seem to hesitate to agree. Watching him today, I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. I can see the way his faith has changed him over the past few years. He studies his Bible with intention. If there is a church activity for youth, he is there. When he is asked to help with something, he does without complaint (most of the time!).

Brandon doesn't say a whole lot so when he does talk about something, you know it excites him. Sometimes he talks about the latest video game he is playing, and I am lost pretty quickly. When he talked for weeks about Stephen Meyer's book Signature in the Cell: DNA and the Evidence for Intelligent Design (not light reading, mind you), I knew he was intrigued with the complexities of the human body and how they pointed to our Maker.

I was remembering recently a song Brandon used to listen to over and over as a toddler. When he was 18 months old, we finally got him sleeping in his own bed. I think his imagination would get the best of him as he was lying there trying to fall asleep. We found that putting on some music kept him from thinking about the strange noises he thought he was hearing. Brandon quickly developed a fondness for the song "Breath of God" by Shane Barnard and Shane Everett. Despite having a CD of the entire album, Brandon only wanted to hear THAT song. Brad would set the song to play up to 20 times on repeat, and if Brandon was still awake when it ended, we would have to reset it again. Every night for at least 2 years, Brandon listened to "Breath of God." I don't think it would be exaggerating to estimate he has heard that song 10,000 times!

A few weeks ago I listened to Brandon’s song and reflected on the lyrics. It made me think about all God has done in his life and how his walk with the Lord has inspired me to be a better Christian.

I’ve linked the song (with lyrics) below:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aa3yHMheZBU

2 Timothy 3:14 ...continue in what you have learned and become convinced of, because you know those from whom you have learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ...

Annie

In 2011 when Brad and I mutually felt called to adopt, the idea of adding a fourth child was so new and scary that the plan was to adopt 1 child. As we became more open to God’s will for our family, we decided to be open to adopting 2 children. Every step along the way (foster, international from Ethiopia, and domestic) we had a homestudy approving us for 2 children. The journey that lead us to Simon was so difficult, long, heartbreaking, and costly that in the weeks leading up to the finalization of his adoption, I just wanted to be DONE.

Many times during our wait I questioned why we’d been called to adopt in 2011 when our son wasn’t born until 2015. Within a few months of Simon’s adoption finalization in September 2015, however, I started thinking of that second child we were always open to adopting. We started praying for discernment about adopting again. I joined some Facebook groups advocating for waiting children, both domestically and internationally.  Brad had expressed a preference to adopt a girl aged 3-5 who would fit in the 5 year gap between our youngest 2 children.

In July 2016 I found a 4 year old Chinese girl called “Leilani” on an adoption agency advocacy page.  Interestingly enough the name “Leilani” is Hawaiian (where our youngest son was born). Brad and I decided to request additional information about her. There wasn’t much in her file, but we were definitely interested so we requested the agency “hold” her file while we had it reviewed by the International Adoption Clinic.  Once we spoke with the doctor, we decided to proceed with pursuing her adoption.  Within 2 weeks we had pre-approval from China and officially started the process.  Compared to Simon’s adoption process, Annie’s was a whirlwind.  We started paperwork in August 2016 and by the end of April 2017, we had travel approval.  On her 5th birthday, we boarded a plane to China to bring our daughter home.

At some point in the process, I realized that the little girl who was to become our daughter was conceived around the time we actively started pursuing adoption in 2011. We never considered adopting from China during our first adoption. Her finding ad, the Chinese government’s attempt to locate her birth family, was published on my birthday in 2015, just over a month before we would meet Simon.  There is evidence in some of our documents that her file began being prepared for adoption in November 2015 and was completed right around the time we started actively searching for the little girl to complete our family. While I will never understand why she spent the first 5 years of her life without a family, I can see God’s hand in the way she joined ours.

In coming up with a name, we had to remember that this little girl already had a name— Yi Shan (pronounced EEE-Shawn). We had heard that many Chinese children want an American name when they are adopted. We learned that orphaned children are often named by the orphanage director and that the names often are chosen more as a way of inventorying the children who come into their care.  That being said, we didn’t want to disregard her past altogether. The name we had previously chosen for a girl didn’t seem to match the fiery girl we saw in videos and photographs. We finally settled on Annie Charis Yishan. Annie is a short spunky name, and is a derivative of Anna, which means “grace.”  Charis (pronounced CARE-ess) was the middle name we already loved. I “found” it several years prior in a book I read, called Charis: God’s Scandalous Grace for Us by Preston Sprinkle.  Charis is the Greek word for grace, so our newest daughter’s name means “ grace grace.” Here is her verse:

My Path to Motherhood

I am one of the privileged. Not only do I get to be a mom (many times over), but I’ve been able to experience different paths to motherhood.

 I’ve waited 4 weeks to learn I would be a mother, and I’ve waited 4 years.

I’ve had sadness, joy, and utter surprise with pregnancy test results. I’ve been disappointed dozens of times with emails saying it wasn’t my turn this time. I’ve received an email saying we were matched, and I’ve been shocked with a late night phone call that my child was waiting for me. I’ve received phone calls day and night asking if we could open our home for a short time for a child.

I have Googled due date calculators and bought books about pregnancy and fetal development. I have also researched adoption options and read books on child trauma.

 I have gone to prenatal appointments with my OB/GYN and heard my baby‘s heartbeat. I have brought home ultrasound videos and pictures.  I have also had appointments with social workers and have been fingerprinted more times than your average criminal. I have mailed documents with my most private information all over the US to be authenticated.

 I have had labwork to check my health and the health of my unborn child. I’ve also paid out-of-pocket for HIV, syphilis, and other unnecessary testing to demonstrate I am healthy enough to parent another’s child. I have paid doctors to review medical files that’ve been translated into English.

I’ve packed my bags for a couple nights in the hospital down the street. I’ve packed bags for a couple weeks for a trip across the ocean.

 I have bought maternity clothes and newborn baby clothes while awaiting the arrival of some of my children. For others I’ve purchased infant, child, or teen-sized clothes.

I have bought strollers, diapers, and nursing pillows. I have also bought cell phone plans, sneakers, and hearing aids.

 I have arrived at the hospital with diaper rash cream, nasal aspirators, and gas drops. I have also gone to meet my child with scabies cream, lice treatments, and ponytail holders.

I have held my child in the first seconds of life. I have also missed months or years of a child’s life.  For some I have pictures from the day they were born while for others I have no baby pictures at all.

I have children whose original birth certificate did not bear my name. Some of my children were given a name the day they were born: others waited months or years to be named.

I am the only mom some of my children have ever known, and for others I share that privileged title.

I have children who gave me morning sickness and stretch marks. I have other children who I would have traded labor pain in a second to forgo the heartache while we waited for each other.

I have no idea what I was doing the day some of my children were born. I have a child who is not biologically or legally mine, but I am the only one who remembers his birthday.

I look at some of my children and see a semblance of myself in their face. I marvel that others accepted a mother whose face, voice, and scent were not familiar.

For some children, the bond was immediate, as if I’d known them forever. For others that bond has taken work, but love is an action, not a feeling. The fact they were born of my womb or my heart was not the deciding factor.

I have felt unreserved joy and gratitude. I have also felt undeserving and unprepared. The highest highs and lowest lows come with motherhood.

Despite how they came to me, to my children: I will always love you, no matter what. I will always fight for you. I am okay being uncomfortable or inconvenienced for you. I know I will screw up more times than I want to admit, but I will continue to humble myself to apologize and show you that no one is perfect. My biggest hope for you is that you will come to know how loved you are by me, by your dad, and most of all by your Heavenly Father... that He is always there for you, even when I wasn’t.

What I’m Reading

I slacked a little lately on blogging about books I’m reading, so here’s an update!

In case you don’t remember, at the beginning of the year I was selected for a year-long commitment to have first access to several Christian fiction books published by WaterBrook & Multnomah. I’ve read 2 so far and hopefully the 3rd book is on the way!

I was pumped to learn last Friday that I was chosen for another launch team for Beautifully Interrupted, Teresa S. Anderson’s first book. She is a fellow adoptive mom (4 Ethiopian beauties and 2 biological sons). I have followed her on social media for several years and was super excited to be chosen.  She has some extra goodies available if you preorder her book:
http://www.teresaswanstromanderson.com/beautifully-interrupted

For more information on my upcoming book club reads:

Where the Fire Falls by Karen Barnett (available 6/5/18)
Here is the link for a sneak peek:
https://www.facebook.com/waterbrookmultnomahfiction/posts/1597359126968298

Beautifully Interrupted by Teresa Swanstrom Anderson (available 5/15/18)
Here is the link for her book trailer:
https://www.facebook.com/teresaswanstromanderson/videos/1764213423672338/


Do you enjoy reading and wish you could be part of a book club but have a schedule like mine that doesn’t leave much room for getting together to discuss a book? Online book clubs are a solution to my scheduling issues, but one I tried the past wasn’t a good fit. I was home from church this morning with a sick child and stumbled upon another and the topic caught my eye: HOSPITALITY

I almost chose “hospitality” for my word of the year last year, but frankly the topic scared me. As an introvert, natural planner, and full-time working mom of 5 children, the idea of opening my home to others is uncomfortable to say the least. My house is always a wreck, and I’m rarely prepared to host others, particularly without a LOT of advance notice. But I can acknowledge the Biblical mandate (see Romans 12:13) and importance in witnessing to others through opening one’s home. I admit that I enjoy fellowshipping with others on the rare occasion that we do have someone over. So maybe it’s time for me to step outside my comfort zone (seems like that is a key to growth in relationship with God) and learn how to be a better host.

If this sounds like an interesting topic to you as well, check out the Just Open the Door Book Club, hosted by (in)courage. The book is Just Open the Door: How One Invitation Can Change a Generation by Jen Schmidt. It is free to join, but you will need a copy of the book to follow along. The first chapter is available to download free if you plan to purchase a paper copy. The official start date is April 30, but it’s not hard to jump in later if you need. Here is the link for more information:
http://www.incourage.me/2018/04/join-just-open-door-book-club.html

See the “2018 Books” tab on my blog to see what books I’m currently reading and my thoughts on books I’ve read already this year. Also, check out my last blog post about Simon and his name. I’ve posted about all my children except our most recent addition, Annie. Hers is coming soon!

Simon

We prayed for the child who would become our son Simon for 4 years. Naming a child so long awaited was different than naming a biological child we knew would arrive in a few months.  Simon’s name was chosen 2 years prior in the midst of our wait to adopt. Late one evening in June 2015 we finally got the call that we had been matched with a 3 month old baby boy born in Hawaii. Brad and I quickly agreed to give our new son the name we had already chosen: Simon Levi. I stayed up all night making travel arrangements and lists of needed baby items. While taking a break to soak in what was happening, I decided to recheck what the name we had chosen meant.  I got chills when I saw that Simon means “hear” and Levi means “joined/attached.”  When we agreed to present our profile to Simon’s birth mom, we were informed that Simon had been born with mild to moderate hearing loss. His was the first (and only) time that we pursued a child with known special needs. His first name, chosen before he was even conceived, referred to his specific special need, while his middle name indicated he would be joined with our family through adoption. Levi was also another name for the apostle Matthew, a name that means “gift of God.”

Like most parents of a child born with hearing loss, we were naive about what all was involved. I am so grateful that when we were making the decision to present our profile for him, we saw the big picture: his hearing loss is not something that will limit him unless he chooses to allow it. But the reality is, we didn’t know what we were getting into, which was SUCH a blessing because we could have missed out on our son!

Simon does hear, just not well enough. We mistakenly assumed we would simply get him hearing aids, and they would compensate for any deficits. We did not anticipate the difficulties Simon would have with speech. To complicate things even more, Simon has had trouble with chronic ear infections and fluid in his ears that further limited and distorted his hearing, even with hearing aids. To this point in his life, at 3 years old, Simon has likely had the equivalent of about 15 months of “normal” aided hearing, which is reflected in his speech delays.

Our son Simon was named for several Biblical figures, primarily Simon Peter. Our son is bold and exhuberant and impulsive, just as I picture Simon Peter was. My prayer for my son is that one day he will boldly proclaim the Good News to all who will listen with a voice that he fought hard to develop.
Simon is a feisty little guy, a natural comedian, and likely musician. I have never had any doubt that my son would speak. I can’t explain why except that God has given me a supernatural peace about it. When I found Isaiah 30:21, I knew it was perfect for Simon:

Watch out world, because God has big things in store for Simon!

Micah

Micah has been full of surprises from the moment we found out we were expecting her. As we started discussing baby names, we chose Micah Benjamin for a boy name but struggled to choose a girl name. Brad suggested we keep Micah for a first name and use a more traditional girl middle name.  Around that time I read the book Yearning: Living Between How It Is & How It Ought to Be by M. Craig Barnes. The message of the book really spoke to me and from that, I knew our daughter’s middle name should be Grace. The evening of September 11, 2009 I finished the book. There were several discussions in the book that reminded me of a friend’s son, Alex, who had been battling cancer for 14 months. The next morning I found out that Alex had passed away the day before. At his funeral, his mother told me that Micah’s due date (February 19) was the same due date she had when she was expecting Alex 4 years prior.  She said maybe Micah would be born on Alex’s birthday: February 15.

Five months later, I checked in to the hospital on February 15 for an induction. I thought I knew what to expect after 2 prior inductions. Immediately after getting an epidural, I knew something was wrong. My legs felt extremely numb, and I couldn’t move them at all. Soon I realized the numbness was moving higher and higher up my back. My blood pressure bottomed out, which caused the nurse to run in. I recall someone saying that the pump for the epidural was indicating it had given me multiple doses of medication. By now I was losing sensation in my arms. I remember squeezing Brad’s hand over and over to reassure him I was still conscious— my fingers were the only thing I could move at this point. I was having trouble speaking and turning my head and was using accessory muscles to breathe.

In trying to determine what went wrong, I knew I’d either been overdosed or that the anesthesiologist had placed the epidural in the wrong depth in my back, causing the medication to travel higher than it should. I remember the nurse telling me that Micah was okay and listening to the reassuring rhythm of her heart beat on the monitor. As long as my baby was okay, I could wait for the drug’s effects to wear off. The nurse later told me that it worried them because I was so calm.

 I had done a clinical rotation in PT school working with spinal cord injuries, so I started trying to figure out how high up my spine the drugs had reached. I was afraid that my diaphragm (C-4) would be paralyzed, and I would lose the ability to breathe on my own, which was a terrifying thought. I knew the drugs had at least partially affected higher levels as I could not speak above a whisper, hold my head up, or feel someone touching my face. For a brief period of time, I was unable to swallow. I was in and out of consciousness for several hours.

Slowly, my mind became clearer, and I regained upper body function. Before long, I could feel Micah moving around, which is not something I remembered with my prior deliveries. Then, came the pain of contractions. I felt horrendous back labor about the time I learned I was 8 cm dilated. I was told I could get more drugs through the epidural catheter, but they couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t have the same results. I wasn’t mentally prepared for a painful delivery, but I was not going to risk accepting more pain medication!

Labor hurt. It took an hour of pushing before Micah was born. She entered the world pink and screaming and hungry! When our family came in to see Micah, I overheard my dad ask why there was a crash cart outside my room. Apparently the drugs also caused a worrisome abnormal rhythm in my heart as well.

I was so happy to have a healthy baby that I really didn’t have a chance to process all that had happened. A few weeks later I did a continuing education course for my PT license about treating pregnant and post-partum women. The study discussed the positive effects of exercise during pregnancy. When a pregnant woman exercises consistently, her body learns to divert needed blood flow to the placenta for the baby instead of sending it all to the working skeletal  muscles. I had trained my body to keep my baby nourished even under stress, which kept my baby stable during the daylong ordeal.  It was then I realized how much God had protected me and Micah that day.

Micah’s name means “Who is like God?” Although a small book in the Bible, Micah revealed that “Bethlehem Ephrathah, though small...” is where Jesus Christ would come from. I’m seeing a small theme, just like our Micah. It takes spunk to handle a traditionally male name, and Micah is most definitely up for the challenge. Micah has always had a special gift for sharing her faith. She has even reported trying to hold Bible studies on the playground at school in first grade! Her middle name is also fitting of the little girl the Lord knew we needed:  Grace—an undeserved gift.  Her verse was a favorite from the prophet whose name she bears:

Book Giveaway!

Here it is!

I am excited for the opportunity to offer one lucky person a free copy of Across the Blue by Carrie Turansky.  You will have to bear with me because this is my first time to use Rafflecopter.  As far as I can tell, you should be able to enter every day, but I ask you leave a comment on my blog each time you enter.  Tell me your favorite book genre.  Ask a question about adoption.  Recommend a book.  Give me input about something you’d like Brad to post about 😜.

The contest will run for 2 weeks.  The the winner will be announced on the blog and notified via email.  I’ve received my next book from WaterBrook & Multnomah and hope to have it read by then to give my review.

Enter here:

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/a15d8c4f1/?

Simon Says: No!

This morning Simon was given his first test as part of an evaluation for an IEP (Individualized Education Program).  He’s been receiving speech therapy through early intervention (EI), but will be turning 3 soon, which means he must transition out of EI.  His testing today was to determine if he has any developmental delays.  I was somewhat worn out by the time the 2 hour test was complete.  Simon is very aware when he is being evaluated or when his answers or responses are being monitored.  As soon as we walked into the room and sat down at a table with an unfamiliar person, he decided he was not going to be very cooperative.  Brad and I were sitting there with the test administrator trying to convince her that Simon does in fact know who his Daddy is and how to throw and kick a ball.  The fact that he managed to do everything with the ball BUT throw or kick it was actually quite impressive.  Yes, he is a toddler and being stubborn does come with the territory; however, I believe a part of his aversion to testing is shame that he cannot do what he is being asked.  When the tester said to Simon, “What would you do if your house caught on fire?” or asked him to perform a task that he could do easily with a demonstration but required instead listening comprehension that he does not yet have, it hurts my heart for him.  He did utilize the word “no” about 100 times, so he definitely has that word down pat! Simon will have additional testing in the upcoming weeks, so keep us all in your prayers that we will get a good picture of his needs.

On a related note, we received word last night that a bill has been introduced into the Alabama House and Senate (again) that tries to influence how our son and other children with hearing impairments communicate.  Yep, you read that correctly.  As if it isn’t hard enough getting services Simon needs to address his hearing loss and resulting speech and language delays, we have to worry about potential state legislation that would meddle into our ability to choose.  This fight within the deaf/hard of hearing community is something we became aware of once we realized how important it was for Simon to have the appropriate specialists monitoring and providing treatment for him.  Basically these bills have a heavy emphasis on the teaching of American Sign Language (ASL) for the deaf/HOH community.  Do you communicate with sign language?  I sure as heck don’t, nor does anyone I know.  Why should my son be influenced to learn sign language when none of his family, friends, peers, or teachers do?  We have chosen listening and spoken language as Simon’s mode of communication.  We feel he is perfectly capable of communicating through speaking and listening (with hearing aids), and that this mode will provide him the most access to communicating with others throughout his life.  This isn’t about which form of communication is “right” or “wrong” but rather an individual (or family’s) right to choose.  The problem is this bill gives preference towards ASL by mandating oversight from organizations that are ASL-minded and failing to ensure equal representation of other modes of communication.  Not only that, the bill is redundant, as there are already mandates in place to monitor children who are deaf and hard of hearing.  This further confirms another agenda outside of simply helping ensure deaf children have access to language.  Please pray that HB189-2018/SB141-2018 do not move any further towards approval.  Contact me if you would like more information about our family’s personal experience or for more information about the the bill.

Across the Blue

A couple weeks ago I received my first pre-release book  Across the Blue by Carrie Turansky.  The timing of the book’s arrival was perfect as we were “snowed in” and pretty much confined to the house.  I wasn’t sure how much I would like it because it is historical fiction, which is not what I would typically choose, but I managed to finish the 330+ page book in under a week.  I admit I enjoyed it much more than I expected!  It had elements of mystery and romance and themes of adoption and redemption.  I found myself staying up past my bedtime to finish, which is a sign of a good read!  If you are interested in a sneak peek of the book, here you go: https://waterbrookmultnomah.com/sneak-peek-across-the-blue-by-carrie-turansky/

The publisher has also graciously allowed me to host a giveaway which means one person will be chosen to receive a free copy of the book!  Stay tuned for more information about the giveaway.  Across the Blue officially releases February 20, 2018.

Lauren

Our second child, and oldest daughter, is Lauren.  Shortly after she was born, Lauren was unfortunately given the nickname “Chicken” by me, but luckily it didn’t stick for long.  That nickname, however, is the reason I now collectively call my kiddos my “chickens.”

My pregnancy with Lauren was the most uncomfortable of the three, but she rewarded me with the easiest delivery.  We never got around to choosing a boy name before we learned we were having a girl, but we did have 2 girl names to choose from.  Lauren is our only child named after family.  The 2 girl names incorporated both sets of grandparents.  Alexandra Bray was our girl name with Brandon, taken from the last names of my maternal grandparents and Brad’s paternal side.  Our other name was Lauren Kinde (pronounced Kin-dee) after Brad’s maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother.  We were having a tough time deciding between the names, so we allowed Brandon to have a say when he saw his sister the day she was born.  At 2 1/2 years old, he made a good choice!

Lauren has been our “easy” child.  We joked that if we’d had her first, we would’ve had a different perspective of Brandon as a “good” baby.  From day one she slept well, ate well, behaved well, and was generally a happy baby and child.  There is a kindness and gentleness to her spirit.  She seems to naturally possess the fruits of the spirit.  Not long after Lauren’s baby sister Micah was born, Lauren was looking at her and solemnly asked, “Is she ours forever?”

Unlike our other children, Lauren is much more reserved with her feelings.  Her quiet reflective nature (which reminds me of myself at her age) means I have to seek her out in an attempt to get a glimpse into her thoughts.  She is our most sensitive child and also our most creative.  She has been taking dance for 8 years.  She has tried virtually all forms of visual art, including painting, markers, colored pencils, photography, cake decorating, sculpture, paper mache.  She even tried music in chorus this year (though I believe singing is a bit outside her comfort zone).

Lauren is currently at that difficult middle school age between a child and a teenager.  I have seen her struggle more to find her place, but I pray she can hold fast to her faith to ground her because she is beautiful inside and out.  This is the verse I felt best fit our Lauren:

Blogging and Books

As I mentioned in my New Year’s post that, I have 5 goals/resolutions this year.  Within the first couple weeks of 2018 I have made progress towards 4 of 5!  Truly this is a God wink as I did not plan some of what has happened.

My first goal is to become more consistent in posting on my blog.  There is no specific reason; it is just something I decided to try.  My second goal is to read more books.  I have always loved reading, but the time I spend doing it varies with seasons in my life.  I have found that the times I don’t read as much are often not because I have no time but because I make no time.  I plan to keep a record of the books I read as well as books on my “to do” list.  See the tab at the top of my blog for more info.

I received some exciting news that only a book nerd would appreciate!  In the fall I applied to be part of a group that would receive an advance copy of the book Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors.   I had previously read her book Kisses from Katie, which played a role in our adoption journey.  I felt like I had won the jackpot when I learned I was part of the launch group.   In exchange for an advance copy, I agreed to help promote the book and to leave an honest review online.

Until last fall, I never knew it was possible to get free books by agreeing to read them and tell others what you think!  About a month ago WaterBrook & Multnomah, advertised they were searching for people to be on their 2018 Fiction Book Team.  The cool thing about this publisher, is they specifically promote Christian literature.  I got my notice today that I was chosen, which means I will have the opportunity to read several pre-release books this year!  I noticed many of the people chosen for these teams seem to have applicable credentials— they are missionaries in Africa (in the case of Daring to Hope) or librarians and book bloggers (in the case of this literary team).  I am so humbled and honored to be chosen and excited to read books that are hot off the press!  And did I mention that my favorite genre is fiction?!

Stay tuned for more information about the first book I will get to read for WaterBrook & Multnomah and check out the Book Tab on my home page to see what I’m reading.  My goal for the year is 60 books!

Brandon

When you have 5 kids, you get lots of experience choosing names for your children.  Our approach changed a bit over the past 14 years, as well as the types of names we liked.  I’m quite certain when I was pregnant with Brandon that the name Simon was never a contender, but times change and so did we.  Name trends come and go as well.  The past year I decided I wanted to have a Bible verse for each of my children.  The verses were chosen differently for each child and may change in the future, but I like having a verse when praying over each of my children.

As soon as we learned we were expecting our first child, I started searching for the perfect name.  I scoured books and movie credits and magazine articles for name ideas (this was before the internet was one’s first source for information— how ever did we survive?).  I came up with a girl name fairly easily.  It seemed there weren’t as many boy options that Brad and I could even agree to consider.  We didn’t want anything too trendy, and it seemed one of us (mainly me) had an aversion to many others.

We finally setttled on Brandon Elias.  At the time, Brandon was simply a name we both liked, but there was more to that story than we realized.  We chose Elias because it went well with Brandon, and it means “Jehovah is God.”

To know the rest of the story, you must know that Brad’s father passed away when Brad was 12.  After Brandon was born, Brad’s uncle made a comment about us naming our firstborn after the name of the elementary school where Brad’s father was principal when he died.  Brad had forgotten about the name of the school, but this information made his name much more special.  Within months of Brandon’s birth, we learned that the school was being closed.  We were able to visit that spring and even met several employees who remembered Brad’s father.

Brandon has really grown and matured in his faith the past couple years.  When he was younger, he was pretty stubborn and outspoken, even when it was in his best interest not to be.  He spent many extra minutes in time out in his room because he wouldn’t stop talking back.  The last time his Daddy spanked him for misbehavior, he had the gall to turn around and state “That didn’t hurt!”.

When Brandon was 8 we started the adoption process, and he was not a fan.  He didn’t want another sibling, and he especially didn’t want a brother!  As it turns out, many of the foster situations and many of the waiting children in Alabama were school-aged boys, which was too close for comfort for Brandon.  Our first foster placement was a toddler girl who was a legal risk placement who we thought we would be able to adopt.  She was fussing one day and someone said she must want her Mama (referring to me), and Brandon quickly responded, “That’s not her Mama.”  A couple weeks later, however, she was crying while I was stuck on a phone call.  I overheard Brandon comforting her by telling her that Mama would be right there.  Slowly as God worked in his life, I saw his heart softening to the idea of having a sibling who was not related to us biologically.  It wasn’t long after we brought Simon home that I saw how much Brandon had truly embraced his new brother.  It was their relationship that was the most precious and unexpected gift for me.

Brandon truly seeks to grow in his faith and study his Bible.  I have seen so much evidence of his growing relationship with God in his life: he is respectful and seeks ways to serve.  He is diligent with his schoolwork (and happens to be one of the smartest people I know).  He runs cross country, and while he isn’t a naturally fast runner, he continues to improve and attends meets and practices without complaint, even in the hottest part of the summer.  He shows patience with his youngest siblings at an age most teens would have no tolerance for a pesky baby brother and sister.  He sets a good example for all 4 of his younger siblings. Brandon doesn’t worry about what others may think.  He doesn’t care anything about being cool.  With him, you just take it or leave it. He is simply not ashamed.

With that in mind, I chose Brandon’s verse to be Romans 1:16

A New Year

We are on the verge of 2018 as I sit here guiltlessly eating leftover peppermint ice cream under my heated throw.  With the close of 2017 I tell myself I can start making up for the past 2 weeks of holiday indulges tomorrow...of course that is always tough to do when your first-born has a birthday on New Year’s Eve and the leftover cake is staring you down the next day.

The past couple weeks I have reflected on the past year:  the good, the bad, and the ugly, and have contemplated some things I’d like to work toward in 2018.  The past few years I’ve had a word of the year that grounded me, that I reflected on, that I sought to learn more, and that challenged me often through some tough lessons.  In the past my word has sort of chosen me, but in 2017 it just never really “stuck.”

2017 was good but tough...for our family it was a year of sacrifice: our time, our money, our relationships, our comfort, our pride.  Most of our sacrifices had both positive and negative elements to them.  At the end of the day, I have a loving husband and 5 beautiful children.  We both have good jobs that allow us to provide for our family.  Our God is sovereign over all, and I learn more each day how to live life with more grace, more patience, more humility, more love.

I’ve been pondering my word of the year for the past month or so but nothing was really standing out.    I thought I’d settled on one word, but then I saw this article titled, “Don’t Waste Your Weaknesses.”

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/don-t-waste-your-weaknesses-in-2014

I’m sure it is based on John Piper’s book, Don’t Waste Your Life, which is a great read, by the way.  But the paradox of not wasting one’s weaknesses is intriguing and worth exploring.  The idea of having an entire year lends to the possibility that I can address many of my weaknesses 😳.  Because I spend the year learning about my word, I can’t elaborate much more at this point, but I typically start with scripture and create a board on Pinterest 😊

Other goals I set for myself this year:

To invest more time on hobbies and less on social media by:

1.  Blogging—I even updated our blog name now that we have more than “4 trees”

2.  Reading— I’be always loved to read but have periods where I do it more than others.  I still have a lot to learn so what better way than by something I enjoy anyway!  I plan to keep a list, try to read more books out of my comfort zone ( like classics), and try to tackle the pile of books on my bedside table that have been piled there forever.

3.  Learning to Crochet—I briefly researched the differences between knitting and crocheting and the latter seemed easier as a start.  I just decided I needed a talent of some sort.  I may hate it but I’ll give it this year to explore.

4.  Getting involved in a Charity— I have an idea but will post more when I know more.

5.  Planning a Family Trip— It is proving to be difficult to plan a vacation with elements of entertainment and relaxation for a family with 5 kids ranging from toddler to teenager.

I hope to update more on these things and the life lessons I learn along the way over the upcoming year.

The "Cocooning" Talk

We have been preparing to bring Annie home since last August.  We are so excited to make her a part of our family, but her homecoming will not look like that of a newborn coming home from the hospital or even like Simon's as a 3 month old.  Annie has spent the first 5 years of her life without a permanent family and has had multiple different care givers over her lifetime.  This means she won't really understand the role of Brad and I as her "Baba" and "Mama" and could view us for a time as another set of temporary care givers.

Annie's first few months home will be critical to bonding so that she understands Brad and I are who she should rely on to meet her needs, to establish trust, and to model to her what a family is.  Because of her background, we will be "cocooning" for a period of time, largely determined by Annie.  This means we will stay home more than usual to allow us to spend a lot of time together and to minimize overstimulation that can occur from all the changes. We have a lot of lost time to "recover" with her as her parents.

It is very important that those close to us understand and cooperate with our requests during this period of bonding.  Cocooning is a well researched topic in the adoption world.   It is very important that Brad and I be the ONLY people to meet Annie's needs during this time.  Children who have grown up with multiple care givers often demonstrate indiscriminate affection, which means they easily go to anyone to meet their needs.  While this behavior may be interpreted that Annie is adjusting well, it actually means the opposite.  Indiscriminate affection is a coping mechanism children display as a means of survival when they have learned that charming behavior or affection will help win their caregiver's favor.  For most of her life Annie has not had a traditional family unit modeled for her and will likely not understand the true role of us as her parents.  Therefore, we ask that if Annie comes to anyone other than Brad or I for requests, she be directed back to one of us.  This could include requests, such as a drink or snack, a hug, to be held, or to sit in a lap.

When we arrive home, Annie will be a very traumatized little girl.  Her whole world will have changed in an instant and she will be in a strange place with strange people (us). Children who are traumatized can display a wide variety of behaviors, from shutting down completely, to acting hyper, to laughing at inappropriate things, to anger.  She may lash out or she may show very little signs that she is upset.  Sadly, these are all totally "normal" behaviors of a child in her circumstances.  Brad and I have been through lots of training to help prepare us for this.  We understand that the child we meet in China and bring home is not a true representation of who she really is.  Please show her some grace, particularly the first few weeks/months home and feel free to talk to us privately if you have any questions or concerns.  While we expect she will speak little to no English, she will learn quickly and her comprehension (or understanding of what is being said) will occur before she is able to speak or express herself well.  Be aware she will understand what she is hearing around her before she can speak English herself.

We are so excited to meet Annie and to have her meet our friends and family!  We thank you for your understanding if our first weeks home look a little different.  Please see the links below for some additional insight into cocooning and older child adoption.

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/

http://abeautifulsymphony.com/cocooning-is-critical-part-2-of-metamorphosis-of-the-adopted-child/

http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-attachment

http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-post-adoption-struggles

Christmas Before Easter

Over 3 years ago in March 2013 Brad and I were still licensed foster parents.  One evening I came home to a 17 year old African American teenager sitting on our couch.  I'll never forget the look on his face--the fear and uncertainty that he tried hard to mask with indifference.  Over the next several weeks while he was a part of our family, he tried to prove he didn't need us to take care of him.  This child on the brink of adulthood was torn between believing he could fend for himself (as I suspect he had done for quite some time) and allowing himself to be vulnerable and cared for.  He was a good kid who'd just had some tough breaks in life.

Perhaps that is why the intense spiritual warfare that went on in our home while he lived with us was so unexpected.  Of all the things we feared when bringing an unknown teenager into our home, this was not one we really anticipated.  We had encountered spiritual warfare in foster care before, but this was truly a war for the truth to be evident in this young man's soul.  And during that period he was in our home, we lost the battle.  

A lot has happened in the years since.  We have reconnected with this young man and have continued to build a relationship with him.  Truthfully, I think of him like another son.  This weekend, I have seen the beginnings of an answered prayer that has been over 3 years in the making.  At 21 years old, he had never really had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas before, and this year he agreed to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family.  I pray we have shown him the joy of the season and modeled what a family is supposed to be like.  But mostly, I pray he comes to truly know Jesus like never before.  You see, that spring of 2013 he had agreed to attend church with our family on Easter, and it did not happen that Sunday or any since.  Given the circumstances, I have no doubt Satan was involved. . . but perhaps it was God's plan all along that we would have Christmas before we could get Easter.  Here's to new beginnings!

credit to Mrs. Beth for the photo--our family was in the balcony

Ransomed

We learned pretty early in our adoption process that Annie has a close bond to an older foster sister where she is living.  Recently, I saw a blog post advocating for this older girl's adoption.  I feel so sad for this girl, who has waited longer than most for her own family and seems so loving towards the younger children she is around.  It is such a tragedy that all these children who have already lost so much now have a price on their heads. Through no fault of their own, these children now have a high dollar adoption fee that must be paid in order to ransom them.  In our broken world there are too many individuals and entities who are corrupt or are looking to take advantage of a child in a hopeless situation, so our worldly solution has resulted in a taxing, lengthy, stressful, and costly adoption process to try to keep things ethical.  But isn't that again a picture of the gospel...of our redemption in Christ?  Couldn't Jesus have skipped those 33 years on earth and avoided the pain, sorrow, and disappointment that came with it?  Did He have to pay the price with His life?

We so often dismiss Christ's death on the cross as if it is nothing, but then scoff at the money it takes to complete an adoption.

How much is your life worth?  Your child's?  What would you pay and what length would you go to pay it?  Jesus certainly didn't take the easy way out for us.  Orphaned children are the most vulnerable helpless beings on earth. There is absolutely NOTHING that they can do to get out of their situation.  They need a redeemer, just like we all need the Redeemer.



 Our family could have done a lot with the money we have spent over the years on adoption.  If you knew how much we'd spent, I'm certain it would SHOCK you.  It amazes me to think about it, and honestly I couldn't tell you how we did it.  The numbers don't add up, but somehow God provided.  When we first started the process in 2011, we didn't really consider private (domestic or international) adoption because of the financial aspect.  We already had 3 children we were raising and couldn't imagine saving large sums of money.  But God ended up calling us to face EVERY single fear and reservation we had about adoption in the 4 years we waited for Simon.  For us, the Lord required total surrender and when we finally did, we had our child in our arms within a week.

So how have we done it?

First and foremost, but the grace of God.  People in the adoption world not-so-lovingly refer to the "adoption fairies."  This is the spiritual warfare that attacks in the form of financial crises, including lost jobs, costly home or car repairs, illnesses or surgeries, and anything else that diverts planned adoption funds to other avenues.  It is a given as a Christian family that you will face more of these types attacks during an adoption.  

We have made sacrifices financially.  Brad drives a car older than our son, who will turn 14 this month.  We have passed up opportunities for vacations, fancy clothes, the latest electronics, and other luxuries that we could have afforded otherwise.  We have not invested this "extra" money in retirement or college saving accounts.  We certainly haven't chosen the comfortable or easy route by adding to our family through adoption.  Matthew 6:20 tells us "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." There is nothing we could EVER buy that would be as rewarding as what adoption has done for our family.  We have been the lucky ones.  And the reality for children who don't grow up in families is heartbreaking.

Without adoption our son Simon would almost certainly not have received the medical care he has needed for his chronic ear infections or the intervention for his hearing loss.  Our daughter Annie, who is waiting for us, is 4 years old, but is the size of a small 1 year old.  These children aren't worried about whether they will have designer clothes or a trip to Disney World or a car when they turn 16.  These are first world luxuries.  Vulnerable children are worried about when their next meal will be.  In many parts of the world, survival is not a given, especially for orphans.  I have known multiple families in the adoption process whose child died of easily preventable or treatable causes before the family was able to complete the required steps to travel.  We have to know that God is in control, but time is not our friend in the adoption process.  There are always delays and hiccups and simply unexplained waits.  And sometimes these delays mean a child "ages out" and becomes ineligible to become legally adopted.  Know that vulnerable children who survive to adulthood do so without a personal advocate to ensure they receive the basic nutrition, nurturing, guidance, medical care, education, and life skills necessary to survive.

Mother Teresa said, "The poverty of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for is the greatest poverty."

There are literally thousands of children in need of a family.  Their adoption paperwork is prepared, and they are patiently waiting their turn.  Could it be you God is calling to ransom them?

The Brutal and the Beautiful

We live in a strange world.  All around us, everyday, our senses and our lives face collisions from this odd place.

In one way, this place wears away at me, reminding me that there are still places where being the wrong color can be deadly, there are approximately 40 million lives thrown away to abortion each year, over half a million souls go homeless in the most prosperous country in the world, and of course, we are still embroiled in wars.  This world can be a brutal place.

Other times, of course, the world builds back, in tiny chunks, what it has torn away.  I've seen black and white praying together, I've seen the effects of medical missions, as they change life by doing things as simple as fixing teeth, there are Chinese women who care for literally dozens of orphans in one house, and, again, I see war.

Yes, there is beauty in war, and I was inspired to cite portions of the movie Hacksaw Ridge to exemplify how the brutal and the beautiful can meld, and how, specifically, these things relate to God and how He has also designed adoption to be the same way.

In the movie, Private Desmond Doss, becomes the first conscientious objector to win the Medal of Honor for his acts of bravery during the Battle of Okinawa, near the end of World War II.  In short, he served the US Army as a battlefield medic, going into battle without a weapon, and was instrumental in saving the lives of no less than 75 men over several days.  You can read more about his story here.

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss

Read his story and watch the movie.  You will find no shortage of brutality or beauty.  Here were my thoughts while viewing, based on some of the film's greatest scenes.

- Adoption is War -
     Anyone who has gone through the drudgery of the adoption process, whether domestic, international, or through foster care, can attest to the truth of being attacked on all sides. You will be attacked by Satan.  Attacks will range from your health, your family's health, your relationship with your extended family, your finances, your work schedule, your work security, breakdown of the adoption system, questioning your own motives, doubting God's timing, battling despair as you see the crushing need for more children who need forever families, the hustle of paperwork, travel plans, potential "what-if's" about your adopted child, etc. 
     I could go on, but you get the idea.  In Hacksaw Ridge, Private Doss was told to take off his medic arm badge, as the Japanese army took pride in killing medics.  He had become a target by becoming an agent of good.  The same goes for adoption.  Satan hates children and he hates families who want to help those children.  War is brutal, right?

- Adoption takes a Team -
     Private Doss valiantly braved the blood and guts (literally) of battle, dragging each wounded man he encountered to the edge of the 400' tall cliff, near the edge of the U.S. camp below.  He devised a rope system to lower the wounded down to camp.  When at the bottom, these men would be take off the rope and Private Doss raised it back up to find another.  In short, Doss braved the field, but those below supported his efforts.  Without both, nobody would've been saved.
  So it is with adoption.  Not everyone can (or should) be "out there" doing the adopting, but there must be a slew of others there waiting in the wings.  There must be supportive extended families, churches, Sunday School classes, schools and teachers, adoption professionals, medical professionals, and legal professionals.  Sadly, adoption is a complicated process, so the support of those "in the camp" is essential, or else the system breaks down.  Of course, when the system works, amazing things happen.

- Adoption is about Life and Death -
     On Hacksaw Ridge, thousands upon thousands of men died on the battlefield.  Desmond Doss saved 75.  By default, the work of an Army medic is anemic, at best.  War is inherently about death; it is only the exceptional parts which make some into heroes.  Doss testifies that he prayed continually through the night, "Lord, let me find one more."  The beauty in this request could fuel a dozen sermons.  Here's the thing, though.  Private Doss's faith in God was the driving force to do this amazing thing, and he prayed that God would do it through him one man at a time, and yet he would leave thousands behind.
     Adoption is often heartbreaking because you know that you can't adopt every child.  Simply put, adoption is about life or death.  And here's something you won't read on many adoptive blog sites.  There will be thousands of children who are born, live, and die without ever gaining a forever family.  They will be left on the cursed battlefield of this Earth, and suffer the consequences of the effects of sin on this world of ours, not as punishment for their sins, mind you, but simply because we live in a world full of sin, hurt, and pain.  We Christians are called to tread this earth, and to be in the world but not of it, and to therefore, be instruments to rescue the perishing one life at a time.
     Jesus went after 1 in 99.  He went after you and me.  We must look adoption in the face, and see it not as a global issue, but a personal one.  Adoption is like a pair of eyes; look hard enough, and you'll see yourself.  Oh, that God would raise up a great army of  soldiers to join in the cry, "Lord, let me find one more"!

- Adoption is worth it -
     When Private Doss lowered those wounded men to the ground, he did so with rope, without gloves, and often very quickly.  Of course, this meant serious rope burn.  He was bloodied, tired, caked with dirt, and (eventually) wounded himself.  The movie portrays this ordeal as incredibly intense, almost hypnotic, so much that when he comes back to camp, Doss is still on edge, jumpy, and hyper-alert.
     Soon thereafter, one of his commanding officers is led to the makeshift hospital which had been set up in camp and asks, "Who did all this?".  The answer came back, "Doss....". 
     Adoption is often painful.  It can make you feel like crap, and, on some days, even look like crap.  Getting it done and completed is an ordeal.  After the brutality of all the worrying, second guessing, waiting, paying, signing, notarizing, paying again, and legalizing are over, though, to look back and see the outcome makes you believe anew that the greatest things are always the hardest on some, and free to others.  To reminisce on the pain, in light of the reward, is to know that it was all worth it!

     Desmond Doss was a hero.  He went to war and risked his life for the life of another over and over and over again.  In the end, though, he did his duty.  Was it amazing?  Yes, of course!  Funny though, I don't think I've ever heard a hero admit that what he or she did was heroic.  It's also funny how doing what you are ordered to do puts you in the position to look like a hero.  "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans...." (James 1:27).  You, reader, are called to do this in one way or another, and it. is. always. worth. it.
     I'm reminded, though, every earthly "hero" is only a shadow of the one true hero.  He lived a beautiful life and died a brutal death, and was raised to a new life or imperishable beauty, which He has granted to all who believe.  The true hero receives the ultimate glory. This is the ultimate end of Hacksaw Ridge, every adoption story, every human being, all brutality, and all beauty.  I think Desmond Doss would agree....