September 2014 Update

We moved 6 spots!



Dear Government Agency

Dear Government Agency,

My wife and I are currently waiting to be matched with our adopted children from Ethiopia, and we needed you to know a few things. I started to write this letter in anger.  This very letter almost included the phrase “pissed off” (well, technically, now it does, but you understand).  I would’ve used the words “ashamed”, “ridiculous”, “inept”, and “livid”.  I will not do so.

I could’ve made this a sarcastic piece, kind of like those open letters to people who made your burrito wrong or to Wal-Mart executives who don’t treat their employees properly.  Honestly, I enjoy and appreciate sarcasm immensely, and would’ve reveled in the bile of each jab as I bled you with a million tiny cuts.  After all, Americans are good at that now, right?  We savor each creeping word, each phrase turned just so, in order to ridicule and entertain, all in one glorious swipe of the pen.  As much as it pains me, I’ll pass on that letter as well.

Let me make one more clarification before I write the actual body of my letter. When I say “Government Agency”, I mean you:

-          United States State Department, which would issue our adopted children’s citizenship, granting them safe passage into our country.

-          USCIS, which would grant passports, allowing our family’s ability to leave our country, spend time in Ethiopia, and grant our newly expanded family’s ability to enter the U.S. again.

-          Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s, Children and Youth Affairs, which would grant release of our adopted children from their current technically legal families, officially declaring them orphans, and allowing them to become eligible for adoption.

-          UNICEF, which has advised Ethiopia and various other countries in order to strengthen their current adoption procedures, with the intention of providing the best care for the children involved.

-          Hague Convention, which provides guidelines and protections for all parties involved in the inter-country adoption process, from birth parents to adoptive parents, to (and most importantly) the orphans awaiting families.

-          Any other federal, state, or county agency whose systems and regulations are set up to support and promote orphans, which, in fact, like the previously mentioned agencies, ultimately do almost the exact opposite thing.

This is my message to you.

You are instruments of God.  Seriously, you are.  Romans 13:1 tells me so.

“For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God”

Please don’t forget that.  You have all worked together in thousands of instances to make inter-country or domestic adoption a reality for families all over this country.  I know you innately know this, because you use such appropriate language in your descriptions of your work. You use words and phrases such as the following on your websites.

“advocates”

“justice”

“welfare”

“equality”

“protection”

“supportive environment”…all of these for “the children”.

That is an awesome task, and in Ethiopia (at least)…and you’re blowing it.  Between 1999 and 2010, inter-country adoptions from Ethiopia grew at an amazing rate.  The numbers rose from literally 42 to 2,511 in that time.  This is the type growth that shows a response to the heightened need from forever families for the estimated 4.6 million orphans in this country.

Since 2010, however, this number not just creeped down, but plummeted, summing 993 adoptions in 2013.  I know folks who aren’t involved in adoptions are curious as to why.  You would probably answer that you want more families in Ethiopia to be able to keep their children, so you provide subsidies to them.  You might even answer that corruption has tainted the process, making for longer lead times to confirm the orphan status of these children.  You might even have enough pretense to say that it’s better for a child to grow up in his or her country of origin, regardless of whether he or she has a family or not.

My answer would be that you’ve confused your divine calling with political laziness, based on a secular worldview.  My only evidence needed is shown in the amazing documentary “Stuck”.  You can purchase your own indictment, and even watch a trailer at  http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com.

  I would encourage you and anyone else to watch this spectacle of shame and compare them to how well we support adoption as a whole in this country, because in a sense we do; it’s just focused on an ironic skew. Read these numbers and see how you feel about those ASPCA commercials and benefit galas, which successfully place upwards of 35% (2.7 million out of 7.6 million, average, annually) of all orphaned animals in the U.S. each year.  All the while, in Ethiopia, 0.02% of orphaned children were adopted to U.S. families in the year 2013.

Yes, while failing to heed your divine calling to be an instrument of God’s grace, you have (for many) become instruments of God’s wrath against this fallen world.  You have become evidence that Romans 1:18-23 is true.

            “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images….”

You don’t recognize God in your work, and your image of idolatry has become political idealism.  Here are a few examples from “Stuck” and our family’s own experience.

“Should this process be governed through checks and balances?” Yes, of course. 

 “Should they go through them 3 times?”  No.

“Should children be bought on the black market? “ Absolutely not.

“Should it take legal action and over 3 years to make an inter-country adoption possible?”  What do you think?

“Should you protect children from predatory behavior of evil people?”  Without question.  

“Should families with multiple background checks have to get fingerprinted every 15 months to confirm their identity?”  Probably not.

“Should children be matched with the right forever families?”  Yes.

“Should these children be left in orphanages until they age out at 16, only to be put out onto the streets?”  I’ll let you make that call.

Again, I would remind you or your unique and beautiful potential.  Consider these words from the Bible.

            “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons” – Galatians 4:4-5

                “…even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.  In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace….” – Ephesians 1:5

                “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”” – Romans 8:15

Hence, when you do your job properly, and as it was intended (because adoption is God’s idea, afterall) to be done, you become a key part of possibly the most potent display and image of the gospel we can see in this world of ours.  Adoption is the gospel, and this is the real beauty in it.  It’s not about bringing a poor kid into our middle class lives.  It’s not about condescending to a lower class, and thus, showing how “generous” we are.  It’s not about just having another child, because we could’ve conceived and born multiple children in the time we’ve waited.

It is about displaying the glory and the grace of God, through obedience to His call.

Honestly, this is all we are trying to do.  It is a simple thing, but it is a huge thing.  All we ask is that you focus on the truth behind your vocation.  Even if you don’t care about Jesus, could you at least re-focus on your stated intent – to help children?  I’m starting to feel guilty while pointing to the Church and asking “where are you?” when there are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia alone.  Sometimes, I get the feeling that even if everyone in the Church would step up, you’d not allow the dream to happen.

My last reminder of your place is this.  Even if you ignore this need, all my words, and all the pleading of the adoption community, rest assured that you are STILL instruments of God.  This may sound odd, but you are instruments of God in that you are (whether you like it or not) producing suffering.

Your lack of action produces suffering for adoption agencies which are forced pull out of countries, due to lack of funds.  This produces suffering for the local citizens, who must endure hundreds of thousands of orphans (mostly uneducated and unskilled) who age out of orphanages each year, thus weighing on the social system of said country.  This produces suffering for that agency’s employees, as they (potentially) lose jobs.  This produces suffering for the families who await a referral, as they wait and wait and wait.  Lastly, this produces suffering for the ones who deserve it the least.  The children, for whom you advocate, whose only hope is a forever family, sit in the orphanages.

And they sit.

And they sit.

And they sit.

What does God do with suffering of His people (regardless of nationality)?

“It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as sons.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline…. For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” – Hebrews 12:7 and 11

            “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” – Romans 5:3-5

I know and understand that this is not persecution of me or anyone else you want to help, for the authors were writing (at least in part) about religious persecution in these passages,  but when you takes your eyes off of your goal (and off of God), your lack of progress causes everyone involved pain, and yes, suffering, regardless of the degree.

Yes, your failure to do your job ultimately produces hope.  It is produced in, around, and within the adoption community.  Sadly, this is often the only thing we have left to cling to.  In our worst of times, we come close to despair, hoping in doubt, that this will ever happen.  In our best of times, we cling in faith, hoping in expectation of what God can and will do despite this fallen world.

I leave you with this.  You are instruments of God.  Will you be instruments that reproduce the image and message of the gospel?  Will you be instruments that display God’s righteous wrath against this fallen world?  Will you be instruments that produce hope through suffering?

Only God knows.

 

Our hope is in Him, and that is hope enough.

Sincerely,

The Adoption Community

August 2014 Update

Things have been discouraging the past few weeks with no referrals since early June.  Thankfully, there was an infant referral right at the end of July (as well as a referral of an older waiting child).  Our agency also corrected me on something I wrote in my post last month.  Although referrals typically are much slower during rainy season, the courts that close are federal courts and not necessarily regional courts.  The regional courts actually approve a child for adoption so there could still be referrals during that time, which we expect to last about 2 months from early August to early October (we have not had confirmation on the official dates yet).  Still, it is hard to see our wait list number and not get discouraged.  I know people who started out at just over half this number who have now been waiting 2 years.

Our newest number is:



Brad and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this weekend.  Our anniversary is August 14 but since school starts next week, we decided to celebrate early before our schedules got hectic.  We spent the night in Huntsville and enjoyed some (rare) time alone.  He surprised me with a beautiful arrangement of orchids:

 

 

Before heading home on Saturday, we stopped at Toys R Us.  When we were parking, I noticed some empty spots at the front closest to the storm marked by this sign:

 

 

 

It was sort of bittersweet. . . not because I really wanted or needed to part that close to the store front, but because as an adoptive mom in waiting, I AM an expectant mother and have been for 3 years now.  Tonight Micah fell asleep while we were watching a movie, and I got to hold her in my arms.  I looked down at her little face and remembered how much she still looked like the day she was born.  I hugged her little body that is growing bigger by the day and wondered when and even IF I would ever get to do this again.  Despite our wait and all the uncertainties that come with adoption, I am still so grateful for the family God has given me.  And I still have hope that He isn't done yet. . . .







July 2014 Update

We got our first taste of Ethiopian food in June when our family made a trip to Nashville.  We ate at Gojo Ethiopian Café and Restaurant.  Funny thing. . . I had heard about the laid-back lifestyle/culture in Ethiopia and we got to experience that in planning this day trip.  I had researched our options for lunch and had actually chosen to go to another Ethiopian restaurant.  According to their website, they were open all day, but when we pulled in, straight from a 2.5 hour drive, it was closed.  Brad called from the parking lot and was informed they were opening at 1:30 pm.  It was 11:30 am at the time and we were all hungry so we quickly got on our phones and found another place that was only about 5 miles away.  We got there and were afraid it was closed as well.  It didn't have the best curb appeal.  The parking was behind the restaurant, but we had to walk around to the front (which bordered a busy street) to get inside.  Once inside, Gojo was decked out in African décor.  They had a lunch buffet, and we decided that was the best way to taste a variety of dishes and not risk a potentially long wait if we ordered food.  The food was really good and even the kids all found things they liked.  I have to say the injera (spongy flat bread that is a main part of meals) was not at all what I was expecting.  Our waitress was a sweet younger woman from Ethiopia.  She asked us how old Micah was and told us she had a 3 year old daughter whose birthday was the day before Micah's.  She also had an almost 2 year old and was a little surprised when we told her we were planning to adopt from Ethiopia.  She mentioned we must be planning a big family--ha!



One of my "plans" for preparing for our adoption that I finally got around to starting this month was reading more books about adoption.  I read the A Christian's Guide to the Connected Child, Fields of the Fatherless, Brown Babies Pink Parents, and I am almost finished with Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew.  In July I plan to read There is No Me Without You and Parenting the Hurt Child.

I am grateful that we did move 2 spots on the waiting list but a little discouraged it wasn't more.  We'd been led to believe that once the referrals started again in Ethiopia, there would be a "flood" of backlogged children waiting to be matched.  So far that hasn't happened.  On the brighter side, the post-referral process is supposedly working well.  Currently, the time between a referral and court (official adoption) is taking about 5 months, and the time between court and Embassy (bringing the child home) is taking around 2 months.





I am praying for a big month of referrals in July because courts will close for the rainy season in August and will likely not reopen until October.  During court closure, no children can be approved for referral for adoption so there are very few, if any, referrals.  Until next month. . . 

June 2014 Update

I got what I wanted (besides an actual referral) for our June update! 





We moved 5 spots to 140, which I had arbitrarily picked as my goal number for this month's update.  I knew there had been 2 referrals in May, so I was prepared to only move 2 slots.  We don't know exactly how we ended up moving 5 slots but we are still grateful for it!  As usual now, I looked up Psalm 140, and while most of this psalm is dark, I found the last 2 versus to be so appropriate!

 

 

   Our case worker calls to check in every couple months just to see how were are doing, to make sure we don't have any major life changes, and to answer any questions we may have.  She called in May, and I told Brad afterwards, I almost thought she was fishing for information to see if we would consider a referral outside our current parameters.  The case worker and I reviewed our children's current ages as well as our adoption parameters, and she asked if we would consider expanding our age parameters.  I told her we would consider it potentially in the future as our children get older, but not necessarily at this point.  We chose our parameters because we wanted one child younger than Micah and a potential second child younger than Brandon.

 

So a little weird moment:  in our email update this month, our agency (Lifeline) listed some waiting children affiliated with the agency who represents us in Ethiopia as well as waiting children with a second agency Lifeline contracts with.  There have been some occasions where Lifeline families on the same waiting list we are on are offered a referral match with the other agency if a referral is not matched with any of that agency's waiting families.  It would require updating all the dossier paperwork and some additional expenses to change to the other agency, but we would certainly consider it for a referral.  On the other agency's waiting children list (which has never been revealed to us in the past), there was a healthy sibling set of 2 boys aged 5 and 8.  I now believe that the day I spoke with our case worker, she may have been considering telling us about that sibling set!  Honestly, when I saw the info on the sibling set, I even thought maybe we should consider them and Brad agreed.  At this point, we are just praying for more guidance and discernment, but it was exciting to think we were sort of "close."

 

 

There is RARELY a day that goes by that I don't think about our children in Ethiopia or am reminded of our adoption plans.  It is so hard to feel like part of your family is missing.  About every month or two, I get particularly overwhelmed and EVERY time, God has been faithful in giving me hope.  Whether it is encouraging reports about the status of adoptions in Ethiopia, news of a referral from our agency, hearing God speak to my heart, or even a "close call," there is always something.

 

 

 

 

I am still hopeful that we will get a miracle and receive a referral by the end of this year.  For now, I look towards next month and am thinking the number 130 (or lower) sounds good :)

 





May 2014 Update

We got our new number yesterday:



Upon learning our new number, I immediately looked at:

Psalm 145

A psalm of praise. Of David.

¹ I will exalt you, my God the King;
    I will praise your name for ever and ever.
² Every day I will praise you
    and extol your name for ever and ever.

³ Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    his greatness no one can fathom.
⁴ One generation commends your works to another;
    they tell of your mighty acts.
⁵ They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
    and I will meditate on your wonderful works.^[b]
6 They tell of the power of your awesome works—
    and I will proclaim your great deeds.
⁷ They celebrate your abundant goodness
    and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

⁸ The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.

⁹ The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.
¹⁰ All your works praise you, Lord;
    your faithful people extol you.
¹¹ They tell of the glory of your kingdom
    and speak of your might,
¹² so that all people may know of your mighty acts
    and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
    and faithful in all he does.^[c]
14 The Lord upholds all who fall
    and lifts up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
    and you give them their food at the proper time.
¹⁶ You open your hand
    and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

¹⁷ The Lord is righteous in all his ways
    and faithful in all he does.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cry and saves them.
²⁰ The Lord watches over all who love him,
    but all the wicked he will destroy.

²¹ My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
    Let every creature praise his holy name
    for ever and ever.

Our agency issued 3 very surprise referrals over Easter weekend.  Turns out, children in Ethiopia who had already passed the regional court to be referred for adoption will not be subject to the 2 months of local advertising for a family.  This means many of the children who have been "paperwork ready" for the past several months will not have to wait 2 more months for their referral.  We've also been told that there is evidence that all agencies involved are working hard to process paperwork for the adoption of orphans, from the orphanages, to the regional courts, to the federal courts, and finally the embassy.  Several families were informed of court dates this week and are finally getting to meet their children, many of which they got referrals for last year.  We still have no idea when we could get a referral, as there are likely several families ahead of us on the waitlist who have similar profiles for a sibling group, but at least we moved up on the waitlist!



Between our income tax returns, donations, and frugal savings for Lent over the past couple months, we were able to save over $9000 for our adoption!  We now have the required $15,200 for 2 referrals and $3000 for foster care fees.  We still will need at least $15,000 to cover travel expenses (2 trips), post-adoption reports from our social worker, and required updates to our home study and immigration (around $2000 which will likely be due before we get a referral).


We look forward to what the upcoming months will bring.  Please keep praying for our family to be complete! 

A little more info our wait. . .

I was so excited at our new number the first of April that I didn't take the time to make a new Africa with our number.  Now, almost 2 weeks later, here it is:

 

We found out a few days after our monthly update that although adoptions are expected to officially continue, another step has been added to the process to ensure orphan status.  In addition to the previous steps required before a child can be referred for international adoption, the orphanages must now advertise for at least 2 months to see if a local suitable person in country is interested in adopting the child.  This is great and obviously I have no problem with exhausting all avenues for a child before they are adopted out of country.  The only distressing part of this is that all the children who have been "paperwork ready" for months to be referred for adoption now have to wait at least 2 more months before they can be matched.  I hate that children who have already likely been in the orphanage for almost a year are now having to wait even longer.  This means there will be another 2 months before we can expect to see referrals pick up.  The bad news is that referrals often slow down or stop when courts close for the rainy season, which is August to October and quickly approaching.  We have been told this entire process from the time a child comes to the orphanage until they are eligible for referral could be as little as 4 months eventually (and under ideal circumstances).  So, we continue to wait.

It is Holy Week (today is Palm Sunday).  As part of our family's sacrifice for Lent, we have tried to limit our spending of "frivolous" items, such as eating out, entertainment, and other things we simply wanted at the time, rather than needed.  That amount, combined with our income tax return and a couple generous donations, is going to almost double our current adoption savings!  I will give more details on the next post!