One Year Later

A year ago this week, early on a Saturday morning, we received information about a Marshallese baby boy who was almost 3 months old and needing a family.  Testing had shown he had some hearing loss, but Brad and I only discussed briefly whether we should present our profile for this little boy.  We eagerly anticipated hearing something all weekend, as this baby was already here and needed a family ASAP.  The following day was Father's Day, but we did not get any news.  We tried to be patient as another day passed with still no news.  Finally, Tuesday morning, June 23, I texted our consultant to see if there was an update.  She said she had hoped to hear by now but was still waiting.  That evening around 10 pm, we were shocked and thrilled to get a call that we were this baby boy's parents.  A few minutes later we were able to see the first pictures of our new son.  It was so unreal after 4 years of praying and patiently (and not so patiently) waiting for our child.

 

 

 



I was too hyped up to sleep that night and stayed up booking airline tickets, writing out packing lists, and making arrangements.  The following day I somehow managed to do a little work, run several errands, and reserve a place to stay and rental car in Hawaii.  With little more than 4 hours sleep in 48 hours, we were on our way to the airport first thing Thursday morning (June 25).  By just after 6:00 pm (Hawaii time), Simon was in our arms.

Even though our sweet boy has already had his first birthday, this week feels almost like a bigger milestone because he has now been in our family for a year.  You know how some events in your life are so important you can remember certain details about them very vividly?  Not only do you recall the events but you remember exactly how you felt in that moment.  Walking down the aisle on my wedding day and seeing my husband for the first time. . . surprising Brad the news we were expecting our first child. . . holding the son who made me a mom in awe. . . holding my first daughter in amazement at how beautiful she was. . . holding my third child in thanksgiving that she was safe. . .then having my long-awaited and fought-for son placed in my arms. . . they are all etched forever in my mind.

 

 



 





Everyone who has walked the road before says all the heartache and tears and stress and waiting and anything else negative you have experienced is all worth it the moment your child is placed in your arms.  This is true.

When the Time is Right

Life has been crazy lately!  As 2015 came to a close, I started praying about adopting again.  Our family had settled into a nice routine, and life was pretty good and "easy" at the time.  Brad and I talked about it a little more, and in March we decided to start making some inquiries.  We started researching adoption from China and even inquired about a waiting child there.  Around that time, we got our income tax return and thought it could be a good start towards our next adoption.

We sent some emails and made a couple phone calls to learn more about our options with different adoption programs.  Then, the bad stuff started happening.  In the past 6-7 weeks, we have dealt with problems at work and worries about job stability.  We have had multiple doctor visits for Simon with the return of his ear infections and a fever virus with temperatures over 104.  He's had x-rays, blood work, shots, prescription medications, and chiropractic visits.  Our entire family got a stomach virus that was so severe one child ended up in the emergency room.  My debit card number was stolen and $1400 of unauthorized purchases were made.  Our extended family has had a death of a sibling, a fall that required surgery and significant loss of function and a stressful foster care situation.  We are still battling some minor health issues that occurred in 2 of our children while Brad and I were in Hawaii last summer adopting Simon.  One child was traumatized to the point it is still causing anxiety.

It's amazing how you can be cruising along through life feeling good about where things are and things can change so quickly.  I know all of the things we are dealing with are minor compared to what they could be and for that I am SO grateful, but a lot of little things cause a big change in your outlook.  I am not totally surprised, nor do I think it is a coincidence, that we had all this happen when we started acting on pursuing another adoption.  Unfortunately, this is how Satan works.  And it does certainly make me second guess if we are prepared for all that adding another child to our family would entail.



What if we have financial problems in the midst of a likely financially costly adoption?  What if we have unanticipated medical expenses within our current family or with a newly adopted child?  What if our time is stretched too thin when we add another child and we compromise our relationships with our individual children, our family, or our marriage?  Looking at it from that standpoint, things could go wrong and we could have major problems.  But isn't life already pretty unpredictable regardless of whether we adopt again?  Not adopting will never guarantee we will coast through the rest of our lives relatively "easily" but look at the potential if we do adopt:  What if the next child is more of a blessing to us than the other way around?  How might bringing an orphan into our home impact that child's salvation, life, and his or her future generations?  How might living the Gospel in our home reinforce our faith with our current children?  When I look the options, the answer seems pretty obvious, but believe me, I am a not a risk taker.  This leap scares me just as much this time around as it did the first time.

So here's the deal:  we are praying about pursuing another adoption. . . not so much IF we should adopt at this point, but HOW.  Brad and I have gone back and forth considering the many variables:  domestic, international, or foster?  Boy, girl, or either?  Age?  Special needs?  The only thing we are not really grappling with is the child's race because it does not matter to us.

Please be in prayer for discernment and clarity as we seek out God's will for our family.  We are excited to see what He has in store for us!



Being Brave

Over Christmas 2013 I read One Perfect Word by Debbie Macomber.  In the book, the author describes how she has a specific word that she meditates on and learns from over the course of a year.  In choosing a word, it sort of picks her, not the other way around.  I was intrigued by this idea, so by early 2014, I knew my word would be "HOPE.". Through scripture, books, quotes, life experience, and inflection, I learned so much about hope that year.  In 2015 my word was "JOY."  It was a similar experience.  I thought I knew what joy really meant until last year.  There were many happy moments but also many frustrating and stressful moments.  Through it all I learned that true joy is in God and not our circumstances.

As described in the book, there are often many things that point you toward your word.  As 2015 drew to an end, I was being led to my new word.  As I prayed for guidance in choosing my word, I kept being led back to one I really didn't want.  I resisted and tried out the idea of a couple other words, but it was not to be.  My word for 2016 is "BRAVE" and the irony is, I was scared to choose that word.  Because after the past 2 years, I know that God will challenge me in ways I cannot imagine using that word.

 

 



I saw the movie War Room recently and had read some other material about prayer and spiritual warfare, so I decided to read Priscilla Shearer's book Fervent and the Bible Study The Armor of God.  I thought if I was going to be challenged to be brave, I needed to prepare myself for whatever comes.

 



As Simon quickly approaches his first birthday, I find myself feeling restless.  After 4 LONG years of waiting, it now feels odd to not wait.  For 4 years, we battled to adopt a child.  Make no mistake, there was a lot of spiritual warfare that I was not prepared for in the beginning, and I pleaded for it to all end countless times.  Now that we have Simon, I miss that intimacy I had with God as I was in the midst of the battle.  I certainly realize that being close to God doesn't always require giant leaps of faith and sacrifice, but I do understand why people who answer such calls do so repeatedly.  Why would Jim Elliot move his family to Ecuador to evangelize the Auca Indians while they were hostile towards outsiders and then his wife Elizabeth choose to stay and continue his mission work after he was killed?  Why would Katie Davis (Majors) leave the upper middle class comforts of home at 18 to move to Uganda and then become the mother to over a dozen orphaned girls?  Because they were listening and following God's will for their lives.  They experienced the intimacy with God that only comes when you have nothing to rely on but your faith and trust in Him.

 





I don't know what is next for me or my family.  I am not a brave person, so it wouldn't take anything very radical to require bravery on my part to act.  Maybe another adoption is in our future or some other form of orphan care ministry.  I certainly have strong convictions in that area, but Brad also feels called to other ministries.  We shall see what the future (and the year) hold!



God's Sovereignty and Trump's Presidency

I listened to Donald Trump's entire speech from his visit this past weekend in Madison.  Mr. Trump delivered this speech at most-attended rally since he began his seemingly unstoppable trajectory to the Republican Party's nomination, and what could possibly be headed to the White House.  I listened to it all, word for word, and my reaction was almost visceral.  I asked myself, "How could so many people (especially in the Bible belt) be so drawn to a man such as this?"  I was inspired to write this post, because I know for sure at least one answer to this question, which led me to the proposition I will present for another answer.

Should Donald Trump become President of the United States, it will be because God has ordained it to be so.  Faith in God's wisdom and sovereignty and being assured that His word is true, I am compelled to proclaim it over all things, even things that I fear and/or don't like.  Romans 13:1 gives me assurance that this election is not simply in the hands of Republicans or Democrats.  It is squarely in the hands of God.

 "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities have been established by God." - Romans 13:1

Again, I'm reminded.

"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;  all things were created by Him and for Him." - Colossians 1:16

Let there be no doubt, God ordained the winner of this election before time began, and it will not take Him by surprise.  God's word says this, and I believe it.

What type of man might God have ordained?  I'm no political follower, but, as I said earlier, I watched Mr. Trump's entire speech from Madison.  Mr. Trump claims to be a Christian man.  On almost a dozen occasions, he called Marco Rubio by the moniker "Little Marco".  He spoke of making "great deals".  He spoke of making Mexico pay for his wall.  He used the phrase, "My mission in life has been to make money".  Thankfully he did not repeat many of the other statements he's uttered in the past regarding his other opponents, women he's had sex with, women he's married (and divorced), ugly people, poor people, etc., etc., etc.  This man's past, his lifestyle, his speech, his campaign, and his "Christian" witness are shot through with all the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit, not the presence of it.

Consequently, if I believe God has ordained this high position for such a man, I must naturally be led to the question, "But why?"

Why would God our good and loving Father ordain that such a man as Donald Trump be brought to the highest office in the land (and the world)?

Are all the things God ordains for good?
Are all the things God ordains for good for all people?
Are all the things God ordains easy?
Are all the things God ordains comfortable?

These are the questions that can lead you to lean into God or to lean away from Him.  I choose to lean into Him as I make my next proposal.

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truths of their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them....For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as a God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools....They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator....since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, He gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not be done.  They become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice.  They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful....Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such thing deserve death, they not only continue to do these things, but approve of those who practice them." - Romans 1:15-32 (abb.)

As I type this, I see much of this passage describing the man who may be President.  Should this become the case, I can only reason that a Trump presidency would be God's wrath against a nation that has for too long claimed that it does not need Him.

We see it all around us, do we not?  The United States wants to claim (and even invoke) God's blessing, but we refuse to give Him credit when we receive it.  We ask God to preserve our freedom and we resign Him to open-air "free speech areas".  We remove Him from the classroom, from the lips of our officials, from our town squares, and we wonder how He would allow bad things to happen.

God has done it many many times before.  How many of Israel's kings were a blessing to the nation compared to those who were God's wrath to the nation?

Finally, a prediction.  I predict that we will see a President Trump take the oath of office next year, and it will be part of the wrath of God being further revealed to our land.

Will Mr. Trump's election be the end of democracy and cause the sky to fall on these United States?  No.  However, I do believe that it would be another step down the ladder away from God's presence and God's approval.  Character matters, especially from one who claims to personally know the God of the Universe and His only begotten Son.

Cast your vote tomorrow with confidence.  God will be get glory from what He has ordained.  He will get glory by the light of His presence or He will get glory by the light of His wrath.  God help us all to know the difference.

3 Months later

Simon has been with us for 3 months today.  I returned to work a little over a week ago and life has been crazy!  In some ways it seems like forever ago that we were on a plane to Hawaii to get Simon, and in others, I wonder where the time has gone.  Almost 2 weeks ago we finalized Simon's adoption.  He is now 100% a member of our family!  We are overjoyed to have that comfort because honestly, the past couple months there were times when we doubted that.  We have been praying and pursuing and saving for adoption for 4 years now and there have been moments in the past few weeks when we wondered if we were going to lose it all.  Simon has been a perfect fit for our family, and I pray we have been that for him.  He is happy and thriving, so I feel like he understands that we are "his people.". We have a family portrait on the wall that was taken almost 5 years ago.  It wasn't long after that we started trying to add to our family through adoption.  We have not updated that picture because we kept thinking it wouldn't be long before we had a new family member and could update the picture (which we hope to do soon).  Simon loves looking at that picture.  Micah is a baby so I'm not sure if he recognizes her but if we ask him, "Where's Simon's family?" he looks to that picture and smiles and gets excited.  It is so sweet.

A little recap on what's been going on:  About a month after we took custody of Simon, we received word that AL ICPC was not accepting some of the documents in Simon's packet.  They wanted a couple documents redone, namely the birth mother consent and the medical/social history on the birth family needed to be taken by a social worker.  This was all complicated by the fact that Simon's birth mother was no longer in Hawaii, where she delivered Simon.  She had returned to Arkansas, where she lives, and she does not speak much English, all which made getting in touch with her and communicating this mess difficult.  Plus, who wants to go back to the birth mom and ask her if she will redo her consent for the adoption?  What if she takes this as an opportunity to try to get Simon back?  I freaked out.

Our attorney in Hawaii, who we have NOT been happy with due to numerous issues that would take too long to get into, told us we needed to hire an adoption attorney in Alabama to help us.  So, we called a recommended attorney, and he began to sift through the mess.  He then referred us to an attorney in Arkansas.  We needed one there to help coordinate our birth mom's re-consent, and it was learned that if she would re-consent in Arkansas, we could actually finalize a few days later.  This plan was the "easiest" and quickest and most cost effective rather than trying to meet the Alabama requirements and then still having to go through finalization here.  As you can imagine, having 4 attorneys (we actually had 2 in Arkansas) made things difficult as well (isn't there a joke somewhere about how many attorneys does it take to complete 1 adoption?).  Our Hawaii attorney ended up causing a lot of confusion by chiming in with contradictory and incorrect information (which is not good when you are paying other attorneys hourly).  At no time did Simon's birth mom ever say she wanted him back, BUT due to other factors that were not disclosed to us by the attorney in Hawaii prior to getting Simon about his birth mom's situation, she did not want to re-consent in Arkansas.  She did, however, agree to do this for us, which we are SO grateful for.  On September 4, Simon's birth mom re-consented before the judge.  There was a waiting period so she had the following week to revoke her consent.  Even though we had no reason to believe she would do so, we were still nervous until the time was up.

Our finalization hearing was set for Monday, September 14.  The Sunday before we got up around 3 am to make the 7 hour drive to Fayetteville, Arkansas.  When we arrived, it was too early to check-in to our hotel so we went for lunch and to explore.  We took a picture in front of a courthouse, but learned the next day it was the wrong one!  Apparently Fayetteville has multiple courthouses downtown!



Later that afternoon we got to finally meet Simon's birth mom, her 3 year old son, her brother and his girl friend, and her neighbor, who came along in part because she spoke the best English.  It was so nice talking with them.  They explained to us that in their culture, when a child is adopted, the adoptive parents become "Mom" and "Dad" and the birth mom is then referred to as "Grandma.". We thought that seemed unusual since we are older than Simon's birth mom, but we confirmed that is how she wants to be known to him.  She was so excited to see Simon but very respectful that he was "ours.".  Simon looks like a miniature version of her 3 year old son.  He was well behaved and kind of shy and quiet.



Monday morning we met our attorney at the courthouse for Simon's finalization.  He sat and down and informed us that according to the law, Simon was "stateless.".  Because his birth mom delivered him in Hawaii and left him there while she returned to Arkansas, Simon did not quite meet the requirements to finalize in Arkansas as this was his first time to actually be in Arkansas.  He told us that he was guessing we had a 60% chance of the judge agreeing to finalize the adoption.  The problem was that Alabama and Arkansas did not recognize Simon as a resident of Hawaii either.  While our attorney went into the judge's chambers to discuss our circumstances, Brad and I prayed yet again.  Because we had SO many glitches throughout this ENTIRE process, I came to Arkansas fully expecting there to be some sort of problem.  Thankfully, due to a merciful judge and all the work on behalf of our attorneys in Arkansas, as well as their reputation as ethical attorneys, the judge quickly agreed to go forward with finalization.  We followed our attorney into the judge's chambers and within a few minutes, it was done!  It was such a relief!

 



We stayed the rest of the day to have more time with Simon's birth mom.  This time we went to her apartment and visited a little.  The following morning we got up at a more reasonable hour and traveled the 7 hours back home.  That was Tuesday, and I returned to work Thursday.  I worked 2 partial days that week, which was a good transition back for me and for Simon starting daycare.  He seemed to transition well!  Unfortunately, the cold he had from the week prior (that we had him on antibiotics for) was worse by this past Monday morning, so Brad took him back to the doctor.  Poor baby had a double ear infection and upper respiratory infection.  He had no ear symptoms, but the cough and congestion combined with steroids and a second stronger antibiotic has made for a tough week for all.  Simon isn't sleeping well, which means neither are we. 

Please keep Simon in your prayers that he will get well soon.  Also, keep his birth mom in your prayers for peace and comfort in her adoption plan and for her many financial burdens.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Monday Brad and I traveled with Simon to Children's in Birmingham to have Simon's hearing retested.  He failed 2 newborn hearing tests and had an Auditory Brainstem Response (ABR) test in Hawaii but the test was not completed.  Based on those results, an ENT in Hawaii recommended hearing aids, but due to the fact the ABR test was missing some results, it was recommended he be re-screened.  Because they needed him still and quiet for the test, we were asked to keep him awake prior to testing so that he would hopefully sleep for the test.  Anyone ever tried to intentionally keep a 4 month old awake on a 2 hour drive in the car?

After debating the best approach to this, we left a little early so that we could allow Simon to sleep some on the trip down--of course we didn't even know for sure that he would sleep.  Luckily, he dozed a little bit and was awake before 11 am.  He didn't get fussy until about 12:40 (our appointment was at 1:00 pm).  He was also due a bottle, but it was recommended to feed him once we were called back to help him sleep.  Poor baby was hungry and tired and fussy those last 30 minutes, but it worked out well.  He slept for most of the test and the audiologist was able to get the results she needed.  Basically, the test involved sticking electrodes on his forehead and behind his ears and then putting something in each ear to transmit the different sounds.  Everything was hooked up to a computer to see if his brain processed the sounds.  They also tested to confirm that the hearing issues were not related to the physical structures in his outer or middle ears.  I think the worse part was pulling the electrodes off after the test.



His testing confirmed that he does have mild sensorineural hearing loss.  Basically, Simon can hear normal conversational speech but not whispers, and the speech he hears may sound muffled.  We were told without hearing aids, Simon would probably have some speech issues because some of the letter sounds in higher frequencies are not heard clearly with his type of hearing loss.  This was not a surprise to us, as this is basically what we had been told from the start with Simon.  So the next step will be getting him fitted for hearing aids.  I am so grateful his hearing is not worse that it is.  He is a pretty loud and verbal baby so hopefully with hearing aids, there will be no significant "catching up" to do.



Foster, International, and Domestic Adoption all in 1! And why adoption laws need reform

We have had Simon for 6 weeks now.  Looking back, we can see how much he has changed in that time.  Physically, he has grown a couple pounds or so.  He has learned to use his hands and discovered his feet.  He is rolling over and even trying to crawl.  He has gained more trunk and head control.  He has started tasting foods--I say tasting because he doesn't seem to like baby food, but is very interested in what we are eating and seems more open to tasting "real" food.

Emotionally, he has become more trusting of us.  He is attaching very well and seems to know that we are "his people.". He shows preference to us and is clearly secure as long as he is with us.  He looks at me while he is taking his bottle and likes for me to talk to him during those times.  He recognizes what little semblance of a routine we have now and clearly shows preference to that.  He is much more content and "happy" than when he was first placed with us.  He laughs and loves playing with us and his siblings.  He loves looking at a family portrait hanging on the wall taken 5 years ago.  He has even gone from wanting to be held ALL the time to showing contentment in small periods of time alone (when he wakes up in his crib).  Most of the time, he "acts" just like my biological children did at his age.

Tonight I went to the store (alone) and was thinking about our adoption journey.  I was remembering our transition from foster care to international to domestic adoption as we sought to add to our family.  In each of those, we gained education and training and made connections with other families who had adopted via those channels.  In foster and domestic, we now have first-hand experience.  I had often questioned and wondered why our journey to adopt had taken so many turns.

Now that we have Simon, I can finally see why.  Yes, he is a domestic adoptive placement.  He was born in the United States.  But his birth parents came to the US from the Marshall Islands and live in a community that has very much maintained a lot of their traditions and culture.  Simon's birth mother does not speak fluent English and still maintains ties to her native country (citizens of the Marshall Islands are allowed to live and work in the US in a nonimmigrant status without a visa due to the Compact of Free Association).  We have seen some of the cultural differences, particularly in how the Marshallese define "family."  Our international adoption training has been really beneficial to help us honor that connection to his birth parents' nationality.  Simon was in a private foster care setting for his first 3 months.  Definitely we have seen adjustments on his part due to having 3 mothers in his first 3 months of life.  I wouldn't have understood or known what to expect with some of the behaviors we have seen in him had I not had training and experience with foster children.  So in getting Simon, we got a foster child through a domestic adoption with an international birth family.

Everything is going really well with Simon adjusting to our family and our family adjusting to Simon.  We love him so much!  But there has been a dark cloud the past few weeks on our adoption.  Because Simon was not from Alabama, we were required to go through ICPC to bring him home.

What is the purpose of the ICPC?

According to the Association of Administrators of the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, “The primary purpose of the ICPC is to ensure that children placed out-of-state are placed with care-givers who are safe, suitable and able to meet the child’s needs. The ICPC requires an assessment of these factors before a child is placed out-of-state. Individual state statutes are not enough to ensure that such an assessment takes place prior to placement, because the authority of an individual state and its statutes ends at the state’s border. As a legally binding agreement between all states, the ICPC ensures that children enjoy a uniform set of protections and benefits regardless of which state they are moving to or from. While there are a blanket set of requirements for an ICPC, some states have additional requirements.

 

 After Alabama ICPC required documents not in our packet and not easily attainable, we requested they give us provisional approval to bring Simon home.  We are in a bind.  Simon's birth mother signed consent for his adoption in the hospital (almost 3 months before we got him).  We are in regular contact with her and she calls us his "mom" and "dad" and our children his "sisters and brother".  Brad and I went through all the required clearances, home study, training, and jumped through all the hoops required to be approved for adoption (we actually did it three different times--see above).  But due to some inconsistencies in adoption requirements between different states, we are "stuck" in a purely legal loophole.  ICPC is supposed to protect adoptive children moving across state lines but all it has done is caused us a TON of stress and resulted in us hiring and consulting 4 additional attorneys in 2 states (this is not counting the attorney in Hawaii who arranged the adoption).

We are wracking up unexpected legal fees all in the name of "protecting" Simon.  Which is also ironic because had we cleared ICPC, we would have had required visits by our social worker to check on him, but since we are in limbo, that has not happened.  Do you see the irony?  Alabama is requiring additional paperwork that may be impossible for us to get, but we are trying (which is why the legal fees are adding up).  We are at the mercy of Alabama's interpretation of ICPC (which varies by state even though the whole point of it was to have all the states in agreement) and/or Alabama's adoption requirements.  Typically, an adoption cannot be finalized if you have not "cleared" ICPC.

Just so you know, if I was a crackhead mother and had a baby and decided to place the baby with my aunt in another state who I'd never met and had no idea if she was a suitable parent (she could be a hoarder with 30 cats in a trailer home), guess what?  ICPC would not be involved to protect that baby for the simple reason that I am placing the baby with a "relative."  The whole thing just blows my mind and I could go on and on forever about the ridiculousness of it all.  So, my point in telling you this is, PLEASE pray for us.  There is nothing more we can do at this point.  Half of my maternity leave is now past and the majority of my time home has been spent filling out retainers for attorneys and going through different "what if" scenarios with them.