Simon Says: No!

This morning Simon was given his first test as part of an evaluation for an IEP (Individualized Education Program).  He’s been receiving speech therapy through early intervention (EI), but will be turning 3 soon, which means he must transition out of EI.  His testing today was to determine if he has any developmental delays.  I was somewhat worn out by the time the 2 hour test was complete.  Simon is very aware when he is being evaluated or when his answers or responses are being monitored.  As soon as we walked into the room and sat down at a table with an unfamiliar person, he decided he was not going to be very cooperative.  Brad and I were sitting there with the test administrator trying to convince her that Simon does in fact know who his Daddy is and how to throw and kick a ball.  The fact that he managed to do everything with the ball BUT throw or kick it was actually quite impressive.  Yes, he is a toddler and being stubborn does come with the territory; however, I believe a part of his aversion to testing is shame that he cannot do what he is being asked.  When the tester said to Simon, “What would you do if your house caught on fire?” or asked him to perform a task that he could do easily with a demonstration but required instead listening comprehension that he does not yet have, it hurts my heart for him.  He did utilize the word “no” about 100 times, so he definitely has that word down pat! Simon will have additional testing in the upcoming weeks, so keep us all in your prayers that we will get a good picture of his needs.

On a related note, we received word last night that a bill has been introduced into the Alabama House and Senate (again) that tries to influence how our son and other children with hearing impairments communicate.  Yep, you read that correctly.  As if it isn’t hard enough getting services Simon needs to address his hearing loss and resulting speech and language delays, we have to worry about potential state legislation that would meddle into our ability to choose.  This fight within the deaf/hard of hearing community is something we became aware of once we realized how important it was for Simon to have the appropriate specialists monitoring and providing treatment for him.  Basically these bills have a heavy emphasis on the teaching of American Sign Language (ASL) for the deaf/HOH community.  Do you communicate with sign language?  I sure as heck don’t, nor does anyone I know.  Why should my son be influenced to learn sign language when none of his family, friends, peers, or teachers do?  We have chosen listening and spoken language as Simon’s mode of communication.  We feel he is perfectly capable of communicating through speaking and listening (with hearing aids), and that this mode will provide him the most access to communicating with others throughout his life.  This isn’t about which form of communication is “right” or “wrong” but rather an individual (or family’s) right to choose.  The problem is this bill gives preference towards ASL by mandating oversight from organizations that are ASL-minded and failing to ensure equal representation of other modes of communication.  Not only that, the bill is redundant, as there are already mandates in place to monitor children who are deaf and hard of hearing.  This further confirms another agenda outside of simply helping ensure deaf children have access to language.  Please pray that HB189-2018/SB141-2018 do not move any further towards approval.  Contact me if you would like more information about our family’s personal experience or for more information about the the bill.

Across the Blue

A couple weeks ago I received my first pre-release book  Across the Blue by Carrie Turansky.  The timing of the book’s arrival was perfect as we were “snowed in” and pretty much confined to the house.  I wasn’t sure how much I would like it because it is historical fiction, which is not what I would typically choose, but I managed to finish the 330+ page book in under a week.  I admit I enjoyed it much more than I expected!  It had elements of mystery and romance and themes of adoption and redemption.  I found myself staying up past my bedtime to finish, which is a sign of a good read!  If you are interested in a sneak peek of the book, here you go: https://waterbrookmultnomah.com/sneak-peek-across-the-blue-by-carrie-turansky/

The publisher has also graciously allowed me to host a giveaway which means one person will be chosen to receive a free copy of the book!  Stay tuned for more information about the giveaway.  Across the Blue officially releases February 20, 2018.

Lauren

Our second child, and oldest daughter, is Lauren.  Shortly after she was born, Lauren was unfortunately given the nickname “Chicken” by me, but luckily it didn’t stick for long.  That nickname, however, is the reason I now collectively call my kiddos my “chickens.”

My pregnancy with Lauren was the most uncomfortable of the three, but she rewarded me with the easiest delivery.  We never got around to choosing a boy name before we learned we were having a girl, but we did have 2 girl names to choose from.  Lauren is our only child named after family.  The 2 girl names incorporated both sets of grandparents.  Alexandra Bray was our girl name with Brandon, taken from the last names of my maternal grandparents and Brad’s paternal side.  Our other name was Lauren Kinde (pronounced Kin-dee) after Brad’s maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother.  We were having a tough time deciding between the names, so we allowed Brandon to have a say when he saw his sister the day she was born.  At 2 1/2 years old, he made a good choice!

Lauren has been our “easy” child.  We joked that if we’d had her first, we would’ve had a different perspective of Brandon as a “good” baby.  From day one she slept well, ate well, behaved well, and was generally a happy baby and child.  There is a kindness and gentleness to her spirit.  She seems to naturally possess the fruits of the spirit.  Not long after Lauren’s baby sister Micah was born, Lauren was looking at her and solemnly asked, “Is she ours forever?”

Unlike our other children, Lauren is much more reserved with her feelings.  Her quiet reflective nature (which reminds me of myself at her age) means I have to seek her out in an attempt to get a glimpse into her thoughts.  She is our most sensitive child and also our most creative.  She has been taking dance for 8 years.  She has tried virtually all forms of visual art, including painting, markers, colored pencils, photography, cake decorating, sculpture, paper mache.  She even tried music in chorus this year (though I believe singing is a bit outside her comfort zone).

Lauren is currently at that difficult middle school age between a child and a teenager.  I have seen her struggle more to find her place, but I pray she can hold fast to her faith to ground her because she is beautiful inside and out.  This is the verse I felt best fit our Lauren:

Blogging and Books

As I mentioned in my New Year’s post that, I have 5 goals/resolutions this year.  Within the first couple weeks of 2018 I have made progress towards 4 of 5!  Truly this is a God wink as I did not plan some of what has happened.

My first goal is to become more consistent in posting on my blog.  There is no specific reason; it is just something I decided to try.  My second goal is to read more books.  I have always loved reading, but the time I spend doing it varies with seasons in my life.  I have found that the times I don’t read as much are often not because I have no time but because I make no time.  I plan to keep a record of the books I read as well as books on my “to do” list.  See the tab at the top of my blog for more info.

I received some exciting news that only a book nerd would appreciate!  In the fall I applied to be part of a group that would receive an advance copy of the book Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors.   I had previously read her book Kisses from Katie, which played a role in our adoption journey.  I felt like I had won the jackpot when I learned I was part of the launch group.   In exchange for an advance copy, I agreed to help promote the book and to leave an honest review online.

Until last fall, I never knew it was possible to get free books by agreeing to read them and tell others what you think!  About a month ago WaterBrook & Multnomah, advertised they were searching for people to be on their 2018 Fiction Book Team.  The cool thing about this publisher, is they specifically promote Christian literature.  I got my notice today that I was chosen, which means I will have the opportunity to read several pre-release books this year!  I noticed many of the people chosen for these teams seem to have applicable credentials— they are missionaries in Africa (in the case of Daring to Hope) or librarians and book bloggers (in the case of this literary team).  I am so humbled and honored to be chosen and excited to read books that are hot off the press!  And did I mention that my favorite genre is fiction?!

Stay tuned for more information about the first book I will get to read for WaterBrook & Multnomah and check out the Book Tab on my home page to see what I’m reading.  My goal for the year is 60 books!

Brandon

When you have 5 kids, you get lots of experience choosing names for your children.  Our approach changed a bit over the past 14 years, as well as the types of names we liked.  I’m quite certain when I was pregnant with Brandon that the name Simon was never a contender, but times change and so did we.  Name trends come and go as well.  The past year I decided I wanted to have a Bible verse for each of my children.  The verses were chosen differently for each child and may change in the future, but I like having a verse when praying over each of my children.

As soon as we learned we were expecting our first child, I started searching for the perfect name.  I scoured books and movie credits and magazine articles for name ideas (this was before the internet was one’s first source for information— how ever did we survive?).  I came up with a girl name fairly easily.  It seemed there weren’t as many boy options that Brad and I could even agree to consider.  We didn’t want anything too trendy, and it seemed one of us (mainly me) had an aversion to many others.

We finally setttled on Brandon Elias.  At the time, Brandon was simply a name we both liked, but there was more to that story than we realized.  We chose Elias because it went well with Brandon, and it means “Jehovah is God.”

To know the rest of the story, you must know that Brad’s father passed away when Brad was 12.  After Brandon was born, Brad’s uncle made a comment about us naming our firstborn after the name of the elementary school where Brad’s father was principal when he died.  Brad had forgotten about the name of the school, but this information made his name much more special.  Within months of Brandon’s birth, we learned that the school was being closed.  We were able to visit that spring and even met several employees who remembered Brad’s father.

Brandon has really grown and matured in his faith the past couple years.  When he was younger, he was pretty stubborn and outspoken, even when it was in his best interest not to be.  He spent many extra minutes in time out in his room because he wouldn’t stop talking back.  The last time his Daddy spanked him for misbehavior, he had the gall to turn around and state “That didn’t hurt!”.

When Brandon was 8 we started the adoption process, and he was not a fan.  He didn’t want another sibling, and he especially didn’t want a brother!  As it turns out, many of the foster situations and many of the waiting children in Alabama were school-aged boys, which was too close for comfort for Brandon.  Our first foster placement was a toddler girl who was a legal risk placement who we thought we would be able to adopt.  She was fussing one day and someone said she must want her Mama (referring to me), and Brandon quickly responded, “That’s not her Mama.”  A couple weeks later, however, she was crying while I was stuck on a phone call.  I overheard Brandon comforting her by telling her that Mama would be right there.  Slowly as God worked in his life, I saw his heart softening to the idea of having a sibling who was not related to us biologically.  It wasn’t long after we brought Simon home that I saw how much Brandon had truly embraced his new brother.  It was their relationship that was the most precious and unexpected gift for me.

Brandon truly seeks to grow in his faith and study his Bible.  I have seen so much evidence of his growing relationship with God in his life: he is respectful and seeks ways to serve.  He is diligent with his schoolwork (and happens to be one of the smartest people I know).  He runs cross country, and while he isn’t a naturally fast runner, he continues to improve and attends meets and practices without complaint, even in the hottest part of the summer.  He shows patience with his youngest siblings at an age most teens would have no tolerance for a pesky baby brother and sister.  He sets a good example for all 4 of his younger siblings. Brandon doesn’t worry about what others may think.  He doesn’t care anything about being cool.  With him, you just take it or leave it. He is simply not ashamed.

With that in mind, I chose Brandon’s verse to be Romans 1:16

A New Year

We are on the verge of 2018 as I sit here guiltlessly eating leftover peppermint ice cream under my heated throw.  With the close of 2017 I tell myself I can start making up for the past 2 weeks of holiday indulges tomorrow...of course that is always tough to do when your first-born has a birthday on New Year’s Eve and the leftover cake is staring you down the next day.

The past couple weeks I have reflected on the past year:  the good, the bad, and the ugly, and have contemplated some things I’d like to work toward in 2018.  The past few years I’ve had a word of the year that grounded me, that I reflected on, that I sought to learn more, and that challenged me often through some tough lessons.  In the past my word has sort of chosen me, but in 2017 it just never really “stuck.”

2017 was good but tough...for our family it was a year of sacrifice: our time, our money, our relationships, our comfort, our pride.  Most of our sacrifices had both positive and negative elements to them.  At the end of the day, I have a loving husband and 5 beautiful children.  We both have good jobs that allow us to provide for our family.  Our God is sovereign over all, and I learn more each day how to live life with more grace, more patience, more humility, more love.

I’ve been pondering my word of the year for the past month or so but nothing was really standing out.    I thought I’d settled on one word, but then I saw this article titled, “Don’t Waste Your Weaknesses.”

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/don-t-waste-your-weaknesses-in-2014

I’m sure it is based on John Piper’s book, Don’t Waste Your Life, which is a great read, by the way.  But the paradox of not wasting one’s weaknesses is intriguing and worth exploring.  The idea of having an entire year lends to the possibility that I can address many of my weaknesses 😳.  Because I spend the year learning about my word, I can’t elaborate much more at this point, but I typically start with scripture and create a board on Pinterest 😊

Other goals I set for myself this year:

To invest more time on hobbies and less on social media by:

1.  Blogging—I even updated our blog name now that we have more than “4 trees”

2.  Reading— I’be always loved to read but have periods where I do it more than others.  I still have a lot to learn so what better way than by something I enjoy anyway!  I plan to keep a list, try to read more books out of my comfort zone ( like classics), and try to tackle the pile of books on my bedside table that have been piled there forever.

3.  Learning to Crochet—I briefly researched the differences between knitting and crocheting and the latter seemed easier as a start.  I just decided I needed a talent of some sort.  I may hate it but I’ll give it this year to explore.

4.  Getting involved in a Charity— I have an idea but will post more when I know more.

5.  Planning a Family Trip— It is proving to be difficult to plan a vacation with elements of entertainment and relaxation for a family with 5 kids ranging from toddler to teenager.

I hope to update more on these things and the life lessons I learn along the way over the upcoming year.

The "Cocooning" Talk

We have been preparing to bring Annie home since last August.  We are so excited to make her a part of our family, but her homecoming will not look like that of a newborn coming home from the hospital or even like Simon's as a 3 month old.  Annie has spent the first 5 years of her life without a permanent family and has had multiple different care givers over her lifetime.  This means she won't really understand the role of Brad and I as her "Baba" and "Mama" and could view us for a time as another set of temporary care givers.

Annie's first few months home will be critical to bonding so that she understands Brad and I are who she should rely on to meet her needs, to establish trust, and to model to her what a family is.  Because of her background, we will be "cocooning" for a period of time, largely determined by Annie.  This means we will stay home more than usual to allow us to spend a lot of time together and to minimize overstimulation that can occur from all the changes. We have a lot of lost time to "recover" with her as her parents.

It is very important that those close to us understand and cooperate with our requests during this period of bonding.  Cocooning is a well researched topic in the adoption world.   It is very important that Brad and I be the ONLY people to meet Annie's needs during this time.  Children who have grown up with multiple care givers often demonstrate indiscriminate affection, which means they easily go to anyone to meet their needs.  While this behavior may be interpreted that Annie is adjusting well, it actually means the opposite.  Indiscriminate affection is a coping mechanism children display as a means of survival when they have learned that charming behavior or affection will help win their caregiver's favor.  For most of her life Annie has not had a traditional family unit modeled for her and will likely not understand the true role of us as her parents.  Therefore, we ask that if Annie comes to anyone other than Brad or I for requests, she be directed back to one of us.  This could include requests, such as a drink or snack, a hug, to be held, or to sit in a lap.

When we arrive home, Annie will be a very traumatized little girl.  Her whole world will have changed in an instant and she will be in a strange place with strange people (us). Children who are traumatized can display a wide variety of behaviors, from shutting down completely, to acting hyper, to laughing at inappropriate things, to anger.  She may lash out or she may show very little signs that she is upset.  Sadly, these are all totally "normal" behaviors of a child in her circumstances.  Brad and I have been through lots of training to help prepare us for this.  We understand that the child we meet in China and bring home is not a true representation of who she really is.  Please show her some grace, particularly the first few weeks/months home and feel free to talk to us privately if you have any questions or concerns.  While we expect she will speak little to no English, she will learn quickly and her comprehension (or understanding of what is being said) will occur before she is able to speak or express herself well.  Be aware she will understand what she is hearing around her before she can speak English herself.

We are so excited to meet Annie and to have her meet our friends and family!  We thank you for your understanding if our first weeks home look a little different.  Please see the links below for some additional insight into cocooning and older child adoption.

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/

http://abeautifulsymphony.com/cocooning-is-critical-part-2-of-metamorphosis-of-the-adopted-child/

http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-attachment

http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-post-adoption-struggles