We will find out next Monday what our new wait list number is. We know our agency has had some waiting children referrals, but there were probably not any infant referrals (which is what most people ahead of us on the list are approved to get). We are not anticipating a big jump in our number, but we can always hope!
We did get the official word this month that our home study update (done in early December at our request) has been approved by our agency. Let me explain! Last summer, our agency started a "push" to encourage those adopting to consider waiting children. The orphanages are overloaded with children, but one reason people have to wait so long for a referral is that most want an infant/toddler. Most of the children in the orphanages fit into one or more of the following categories:medical issues (most often HIV+), older children, or part of a sibling group. When Brad and I began our adoption journey in foster care, we actually expected to adopt an older child. We were approved for up to 2 children and our age range was up to 16 years old (by our choice). We honestly felt a call to adopt and didn't want to "limit" our family to a child who was an ideal match simply because he or she was older. I actually found a 14 year old boy on the Alabama waiting child list who sounded like a good match for our family, but by the time we were far enough into the process to learn more about him, he was already matched with another family. Our biggest hesitation with a child from Ethiopia was the additional adjustments that would need to be made learning a new language and catching up in school. Because we both work, staying home for prolonged periods to deal with these adjustments is not an option for us currently.
When our agency started talking more about older children, I was able to read about the experiences of several families who had adopted older children. I was able to see how they had dealt with some of our concerns, such as the language barrier and education. By no means am I saying an older child will be "easier" because it most likely will not be. But I really felt a call to consider an older child. Brad and I began discussing and praying about it. This was all occurring while we waited for weeks for our immigration approval to come back. Unfortunately, our immigration approval specifically matched our home study at the time, which was approval for us to adopt 1 healthy child from Ethiopia aged 0-3 years. So when our immigration approval finally came back, we spoke with our case worker about mailing our dossier to be authenticated (sent to Ethiopia to put us on the waiting list). During the conversation she actually asked about our current child parameters and if we had considered making any changes. We told her what we'd been considering.
That discussion took place in October. The first week in December we had another meeting with our social worker to do an amendment to our home study. We discussed with her all the additional difficulties of bringing home 2 children versus 1 as well as other things to consider with adopting an older child. Our agency had become very cautious about approving families for multiple children due to the added difficulties that come with that. She wasn't able to scare us off (ha!), and we felt we had carefully considered this decision and how we would handle different scenarios. Mostly, we felt this was something God was calling us to open ourselves up to. So in January we got the official approval from our agency to allow us to adopt a sibling group of 2, with the first child being aged 0-3 years and the second child aged 0-8. After much consideration, we decided that it would be best to keep Brandon as our oldest child. We also felt like a younger school-aged child would be more reasonable for our family situation in terms of language barriers and schooling. Any referral we get must meet the first child criteria, meaning we could still get a referral for only one child aged 0-3 or we could get a referral for 2 children. We are excited to see what God has in store for us!
While referrals are currently REALLY slow, we have been reassured that adoptions are continuing in Ethiopia. Due to a need to ensure all adoptions are ethical, things are taking a lot longer right now. So while we could wait quite a while for a referral, like a couple years (I don't want to even think about longer than that), our new parameters also make us a little more unique and could result in a quicker referral. Basically, our referral timeline is even more unpredictable but in a good way. A second child will add to our adoption expenses, among those being a second referral fee and additional travel expenses.
We are now updating our I-600 with our new parameters, but this doesn't affect our wait list number. My game plan is to stay busy (so I don't think about the waiting) and enjoy my family. I alternate between letting it all go and leaving it in God's hands to my heart aching for my child(ren) who I don't have here with me. The busier I stay, the less I tend to think about our adoption. Isn't it sad that I have to try not to think about my own (unknown) children? This isn't about wanting more kids because it would have been easier for me to birth another child (even though one of us is currently sterile) than it is to adopt a child. Sometimes I think it may never happen and I try to convince myself to be content in just following God's call for my life. I'll just end this post by asking that you keep praying!
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