Change

Change in life is inevitable.  Often it is a good thing, but sometimes it is not.  One thing we have learned on our adoption journey the past few years, is that adoption is full of the unexpected.  We have sort of learned to "roll with the punches," not because we always like it, but because it just happens so often.  Adoption is messy and heart-breaking and hard. . . even in the best of circumstances. 

A year ago in August, I had a "vision" that something was "beginning" and that another significant event was going to happen in November 2014 (15 months later).  At the time, I thought maybe it meant we would get our referral, so I have prayed and held on to this month for over a year with hope.  Things didn't exactly turn out as I had prayed.  What I do know is that last August, Ethiopia was implementing new policies to make adoptions more ethical.  These changes have caused a dramatic slow down in referrals to the point that our agency can no longer even guess how long our wait might be.  At the rate of referrals over the past year, we could be looking at MANY years of waiting.  The past couple months each bit of news we received has been less and less encouraging to the point that it led Brad and I to reevaluate our adoption plans.  Our biggest fear (besides waiting for years, which we've already been doing), is that the program could collapse completely before we ever got to bring our kids home.  Eighteen months ago, no one would have foreseen that possibility, but now it doesn't seem so impossible.  If adoption is anything, it is full of risk and uncertainty.  Each type of adoption has its own risks, and that was something we considered when first attempting to adopt a waiting child in foster care  and then with international adoption.  We started with what we considered the least risky form and were unsuccessful.  Apparently for our family, God really wanted us out of our comfort zone, which we have gradually been moving from since we began in 2011.

Earlier this year, I met another adoptive mother at an adoption conference who was also on the waiting list to adopt from Ethiopia.  She was starting the process of a concurrent domestic adoption using Faithful Adoption Consultants (FAC) while they waited on a referral from Ethiopia.  The next thing I knew, her family was bringing home their beautiful newborn baby girl.  I started following FAC on Facebook and was impressed by what I saw.  They are a small Christian company that networks with adoption agencies and attorneys around the country.  They work only in states where the birth mother signs consent within 72 hours, and they screen each situation to determine the risks.  FAC prays constantly for their families, the birth moms, and the children.  They have had 100% success in their families bringing home a child within the year contract.  This fall I noticed they posted they were taking applications for the upcoming year.  In early October, they had 2 slots remaining.  Midway through the month I contacted the woman I knew who'd used FAC to find out more about her experience.  After hearing her input and more prayer, Brad and I decided to send them an inquiry email, and we got a response the next day.  A few days later, we spoke with Courtney, the owner of the company.  We were very encouraged when we learned how FAC helps adoptive families find placements and advises them throughout the process.

Brad and I prayed and talked some more and decided to submit an application to FAC.  They only work with a certain number of families at a time, so once they have filled their quota, any remaining families get put on a waiting list.  I figured that we would be waiting due to the time that had passed since they started filling their list for 2015.  We submitted our application and letter of recommendation from our pastor on November 6.  Over the weekend, I prayed that God would make His will clear.  If we were to stay with Ethiopia, let us not be accepted into FAC's program or at least put us on the waiting list.  On November 10, we received an email of acceptance into their program.  Immediately after that email, we received an email from our Ethiopian adoption agency with more bad news.  That was our "sign" from God.

What happens now?  We have to update our home study for a domestic adoption.  We were due for an update anyway, so hopefully this will not be a huge ordeal.  Lifeline, the agency who did our home study for Ethiopia, will be doing this for us.  We also have to prepare a profile book about our family that will be shown to birth moms.  We are on yet another "paper chase" for original birth certificates, marriage licenses, letters of recommendation, and various clearances.  We also have to get new medical physicals.

The plan at this point is to "go live" with our profile at the beginning of the year (or as soon as we can get all our documents together).  Hopefully within a few months (or even days/weeks which is not unusual for some FAC families), we will have our newest addition.  Domestic for us is by far the riskiest form of adoption in terms of the chances of a failed match and the financial requirements.  Maybe this was God's will all along and He just knew we weren't ready (or desperate enough) for that plan 3.5 years ago.  And He is right.  We had quickly nixed the idea of a domestic adoption in the past due to the risk and our lack of knowledge about the process.  Even when we are matched with a birth mom, she can change her mind at any point up until she signs those legal documents.  We can't plan too much for the baby we are expecting until we know for sure that the birth mom will stick with her decision to place her precious child for adoption.  I cannot imagine how difficult such a decision would have to be for a mother.

We do know we will not be adopting in Alabama (due to AL's adoption laws).  Because we will be out of state, we will not be able to bring our baby home for 1-3 weeks until the legal paperwork comes through allowing us to leave the state.

I am SO weary of the paperwork, questionnaires, requirements and the waiting.  Literally, when I saw the required items needed for FAC and then the items needed by Lifeline (many of which were identical), THIS is what immediately went through my mind:


"Worn" by Tenth Avenue North

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

 

 

I know that IF this ever ends, the struggle will totally be worth it in the end.  We are so excited to bring home a baby (or two)!  Please pray with us that we will finally complete our adoption in 2015!