All In

Last weekend I went to a ladies' Christian adoption retreat that I have attended the past 4 years.  It is always such a nice time to get away and spend time with other women who understand all that adoption and foster care entails: from the massive amounts of paperwork, to the never-ending wait, to the complexities that come with raising adopted and foster children.  We can share tips and struggles and encouragement without worrying we will hear something along the lines of "Why are you complaining?  You chose this" or "I could never do that!" or "You must be crazy for bringing this chaos into your life."  This weekend reminds us why we are persevering and even continuing to pursue this life:  because God commanded it.  Of course we don't expect everyone to become foster or adoptive parents.  But when you are in the trenches like we are, we have a hard time figuring out why people aren't more involved in this ministry.  It isn't simply because we would love some extra support, in the form of prayer, encouragement, or one of the many ways one could offer to help (although truth be told we would take any help we can get!).  No, the reason we don't understand other people's enthusiasm, is because we have gotten to experience a closeness with God that you only attain when you submit your entire life over to Him.  In no way I am saying that this cannot happen in other forms of God's work.  I assume it does!  But this is the area where I have experienced an intimacy with God that I never had prior.

Six years ago I was living the "American Dream."  I had everything I needed and most of the things I wanted.  My life seemed "easy" and "settled."  When Brad and I felt God calling us to adopt, it had nothing to do with a discontentment with the way our life was at the time.  On the contrary, pursuing God's call almost guaranteed our life would become more complicated.  We tried to play it safe initially.  We dreamed of adopting a "good kid who just needed a home" from the Alabama foster care system.  We assumed we would adopt a waiting child in foster care, which meant no legal risk because parental rights had already been terminated and there is little financial risk in such a situation either.  This is not to say there was not fear there because you can never predict all the effects of bringing a new older child into your home.  At the time it was still a big leap of faith for us because of all the unknowns.

In his book Risk is Right: Better to Lose your Life than to Waste It, John Piper said, "A choice lies before you: Either waste your life or live with risk. . .We are all tempted by the idea of security, the possibility of a cozy Christianity with no hell at the end.  But what kind of life is that really?  It's a far cry from adventurous and abundant, from truly rich and really full, and it's certainly not the heights and the depths Jesus calls us to."

God must have figured we had a lot to learn because He took us on a 4 year journey that ended absolutely no where close to what we planned or expected.  By the time it was over, we had been forced to confront all the fears we tried to avoid initially.  But over the course of those 4 years, God brought me to a point where I was finally willing to say with complete honesty, "Your will be done."  I was willing to sacrifice and risk more than I ever even dreamed initially, but God always provided what we needed.  My faith grew and was challenged more than I ever imagined.  I learned that to know true joy has very little to do with your life circumstances and more to do with your relationship with the Lord.  In addition, joy and sorrow go hand-in-hand when it comes to orphan care or any God-ordained ministry.  I learned that taking a risk for God is always worth more than playing it safe, regardless of the outcome.  I was not truly living for God when I was giving Him what was left of my excess time, money, service, or whatever else.

You can't play it safe and follow His commands.  You are either ALL IN or you aren't in at all. 

C.S. Lewis said, "Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief."

In John 14 Jesus tells his disciples that whoever believes in him will do the same works he has been doing, except even more because he is going to be with the Father.  Just a little later he uses an orphan analogy to tell his disciples that he is not leaving them but will be coming back.  He tells them not to be afraid or troubled.  God tells us repeatedly not to fear in the Bible.  I think this means that God anticipates we will have to face our fears often in our pursuit of Him.  If I am cruising along staying in my comfort zone, I doubt I'd need that many reminders to not be afraid. 

In John 15 Jesus says that the evidence that we belong to Him will be in the fruit we bear and that if we keep his commands, our joy will be made complete in Him.  He then goes on to say that we will be hated and persecuted in this world.  Basically, Jesus is telling us that we cannot simultaneously pursue Him and an easy life.  This will look different for everyone, but when you are actively choosing Christ's will for your life, you will know it.  Because you will rely on Him more than you ever did.  You will seek Him more than ever before.  You will be taking a true leap of faith that involves risk.  But for all the difficulties and stress and sorrow you will have as a result, you will have that much more joy and intimacy with the Lord as your reward.

David Platt stated in his book Radical: Taking Back your Faith from the American Dream, "Radical obedience to Christ is not easy...It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world.  Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things.  But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ.  And he is more than enough for us."

Only when we seek God's will with all our hearts, will we truly experience the reward that was intended for us.  I don't want to regret what I didn't do.  It doesn't always come easy or without fear, but I strive each day to be "all in" for Christ.