Grace Upon Grace

5 years ago Brad and I mutually felt called to adoption.  In the fall of 2011 we began working on completing the requirements to adopt a waiting child in Alabama.  4 years later we brought Simon home via domestic adoption.  Numerous times I have wondered why we felt drawn to adoption in 2011 if our son was not born until 2015.  Definitely our wait allowed us time to learn about adoption and how to parent children who've been adopted.  We went through training for foster, international, and domestic adoption along the way, so we learned some of the unique challenges that can accompany each type of adoption.  Simon's adoption actually had elements of all 3, which was pretty unique.

Several different times along the way, particularly when the wait was getting longer and seemed unending, Brad mentioned adoption from China.  China is known for their stable and fairly predictable adoption program.  If we had started with China initially, it would have been possible to bring a child home within a year.  But I was never "called" to China.  I didn't have any negative feelings about adopting from China, but it simply didn't feel "right" at the time.

When Brad and I started considering adopting again earlier this year, we were fairly open-minded.  We considered varying ages and the pros and cons of domestic (including foster) or international adoption.   I joined several Facebook groups that advocated for waiting children.  We called and inquired about a couple of waiting children, but things didn't pan out in those situations.  Brad told me that his preference was to adopt a little girl older than Simon but younger than Micah--around 3 or 4 years old.  In  early July, I saw a little girl on one of the Facebook groups.  After showing her to Brad, we agreed to inquire about her.  Turns out that she was likely conceived some time in the Fall of 2011 when we were starting the process to adopt.  And all those times prior that I wasn't feeling a China adoption?  Well, as far as we know her file wasn't completed to make her eligible for adoption until this year, likely within a couple months of us finding her.

SO..... we are excited to announce that we have a 4 year old daughter waiting for us in China!  We received pre-approval for her in August, so now we are frantically trying to complete our dossier and get it to China so we can move through the necessary steps to bring her home.

This adoption will look different than Simon's.  First, hopefully it will be MUCH quicker and we think we might travel in late spring/early summer 2017 to bring her home.  Secondly, the transition period will be significantly longer as she will be close to 5 years old when she comes home.  She will need time to adjust to her entire life changing in a matter of days--new family, new country, new foods, new smells, new language. . . everything.  I hate how hard that will be for her, and I am already praying to have as smooth a transition as possible.

Our oldest 3 children are all excited at the news they will be getting a baby sister.  Obviously Simon does not understand what is happening, but he will maintain his role as the baby of the family.

As for her name, it was a little more difficult choosing a name for a child we had already seen in pictures and videos.  A name we liked previously did not seem to "fit" once we had seen her face.  The meaning behind her name was important to us, but we also wanted something short and spunky (like her!).

John 1:16 says, "For from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace."

Our new daughter will be named Annie Charis (pronounced Karis).  Her name means "grace grace."  Annie will also likely have a second middle name that will incorporate her given Chinese name.  We will reveal that name once her adoption is completed.

Yes, we realize we look a little crazy to most people.  We did not "plan" to have a large family, but we love our children and we have felt a burden for the fatherless in a way that we cannot simply ignore.  We are not trying to become the Brady Bunch (despite Micah's requests).  We understand that this will be difficult and costly in every way possible, but we also know better than most the sacrifices involved.  Just because we did not choose a "simple" or "easy" life does not mean we chose this blindly.  We would appreciate your prayers moving forward:

Prayer requests:

1.  That our little girl feels loved and remains safe and healthy until we can travel to get her.
2.  That God prepares her heart for all the changes that will be occurring once she is in our care.
3.  That our paperwork and clearances move quickly with no significant delays.  There are so many steps to this process, it seems overwhelming at times.  I am trying to document many of the steps to help educate people a little more about what all is involved in the adoption process.
4.  That we have adequate funds to cover the adoption, travel, and medical expenses once home.
5.  That our other children are also prepared for all the changes that come with the addition of a sibling.

This Sunday, November 13 is Orphan Sunday.  It is a day where churches around the world share "a single goal: that God's great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well."

For more information, check out www.orphansunday.org

All In

Last weekend I went to a ladies' Christian adoption retreat that I have attended the past 4 years.  It is always such a nice time to get away and spend time with other women who understand all that adoption and foster care entails: from the massive amounts of paperwork, to the never-ending wait, to the complexities that come with raising adopted and foster children.  We can share tips and struggles and encouragement without worrying we will hear something along the lines of "Why are you complaining?  You chose this" or "I could never do that!" or "You must be crazy for bringing this chaos into your life."  This weekend reminds us why we are persevering and even continuing to pursue this life:  because God commanded it.  Of course we don't expect everyone to become foster or adoptive parents.  But when you are in the trenches like we are, we have a hard time figuring out why people aren't more involved in this ministry.  It isn't simply because we would love some extra support, in the form of prayer, encouragement, or one of the many ways one could offer to help (although truth be told we would take any help we can get!).  No, the reason we don't understand other people's enthusiasm, is because we have gotten to experience a closeness with God that you only attain when you submit your entire life over to Him.  In no way I am saying that this cannot happen in other forms of God's work.  I assume it does!  But this is the area where I have experienced an intimacy with God that I never had prior.

Six years ago I was living the "American Dream."  I had everything I needed and most of the things I wanted.  My life seemed "easy" and "settled."  When Brad and I felt God calling us to adopt, it had nothing to do with a discontentment with the way our life was at the time.  On the contrary, pursuing God's call almost guaranteed our life would become more complicated.  We tried to play it safe initially.  We dreamed of adopting a "good kid who just needed a home" from the Alabama foster care system.  We assumed we would adopt a waiting child in foster care, which meant no legal risk because parental rights had already been terminated and there is little financial risk in such a situation either.  This is not to say there was not fear there because you can never predict all the effects of bringing a new older child into your home.  At the time it was still a big leap of faith for us because of all the unknowns.

In his book Risk is Right: Better to Lose your Life than to Waste It, John Piper said, "A choice lies before you: Either waste your life or live with risk. . .We are all tempted by the idea of security, the possibility of a cozy Christianity with no hell at the end.  But what kind of life is that really?  It's a far cry from adventurous and abundant, from truly rich and really full, and it's certainly not the heights and the depths Jesus calls us to."

God must have figured we had a lot to learn because He took us on a 4 year journey that ended absolutely no where close to what we planned or expected.  By the time it was over, we had been forced to confront all the fears we tried to avoid initially.  But over the course of those 4 years, God brought me to a point where I was finally willing to say with complete honesty, "Your will be done."  I was willing to sacrifice and risk more than I ever even dreamed initially, but God always provided what we needed.  My faith grew and was challenged more than I ever imagined.  I learned that to know true joy has very little to do with your life circumstances and more to do with your relationship with the Lord.  In addition, joy and sorrow go hand-in-hand when it comes to orphan care or any God-ordained ministry.  I learned that taking a risk for God is always worth more than playing it safe, regardless of the outcome.  I was not truly living for God when I was giving Him what was left of my excess time, money, service, or whatever else.

You can't play it safe and follow His commands.  You are either ALL IN or you aren't in at all. 

C.S. Lewis said, "Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief."

In John 14 Jesus tells his disciples that whoever believes in him will do the same works he has been doing, except even more because he is going to be with the Father.  Just a little later he uses an orphan analogy to tell his disciples that he is not leaving them but will be coming back.  He tells them not to be afraid or troubled.  God tells us repeatedly not to fear in the Bible.  I think this means that God anticipates we will have to face our fears often in our pursuit of Him.  If I am cruising along staying in my comfort zone, I doubt I'd need that many reminders to not be afraid. 

In John 15 Jesus says that the evidence that we belong to Him will be in the fruit we bear and that if we keep his commands, our joy will be made complete in Him.  He then goes on to say that we will be hated and persecuted in this world.  Basically, Jesus is telling us that we cannot simultaneously pursue Him and an easy life.  This will look different for everyone, but when you are actively choosing Christ's will for your life, you will know it.  Because you will rely on Him more than you ever did.  You will seek Him more than ever before.  You will be taking a true leap of faith that involves risk.  But for all the difficulties and stress and sorrow you will have as a result, you will have that much more joy and intimacy with the Lord as your reward.

David Platt stated in his book Radical: Taking Back your Faith from the American Dream, "Radical obedience to Christ is not easy...It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world.  Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things.  But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ.  And he is more than enough for us."

Only when we seek God's will with all our hearts, will we truly experience the reward that was intended for us.  I don't want to regret what I didn't do.  It doesn't always come easy or without fear, but I strive each day to be "all in" for Christ.

BLACK LIVES MATTER...........

BLUE LIVES MATTER..............

ALL LIVES MATTER................

How would you finish each of these phrases?  Which one catches your attention...gets your support...raises your ire?  Unless you've taken up residence under a rock or been on a complete media fast for the last 2 weeks, you've probably already made a Facebook post about one or more of these.  Can I give an abbreviated rundown?

7/05 - Baton Rouge, LA - Alton Sterling (White/Blue on Black)
7/08 - Falcon Heights, MN - Philando Castille (White/Blue on Black)
7/07 - Dallas, TX - Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael Smith, Brent Thompson, Patrick Zamarripa (Black on White/Blue)
7/17 - Baton Rouge, LA - Montrell Jackson, Brad Garafola, Matthew Gerald (Black on Black/Blue)

Of course, I'm just hitting the high (or low) points, all of which were, at the least, racially charged, whether specifically racially motivated or not.

The blowback from the following media crapstorm has ranged from Gun Control, to Systematic Racism, to Civilian Compliance, to Media Drama-Crafting, and most of these commentaries have had grains of truth.  As tragedies pile up, so do the exposed problems, therefore, I ask, "What is the problem?".

We human beings (especially Americans) have a sin problem.  We do not love enough.  Now I know what you are thinking; you're thinking that I just wrote the most obvious statement you've read on Facebook today.  However, let me be clear and cut more deeply into our problem.

We love God too little, therefore, we love people too much. In turn, we love people too much, therefore, we do not love people enough.

Americans love their idols.  Our idols wear many masks.  They look like paltry little things like the Red Sox, or the Crimson Tide.  They look like passing things, like our pecs, or our tans.  They look like pseudo-essential things, like our careers, or our homes.  I believe we can all agree that these are not the most important things.

It becomes tricky, though, when our idols look like things that are incredibly important, like black lives, and blue lives, and all lives. 

People are the most important things in creation.  They are the image-bearers of God.  They are the second half of "the whole of the law" as Jesus put it in Matthew 22:37-40.  In fact, there is no greater thing in the created universe that we should love above people, for God has called us to do so.  In light of this, I say it again.  We love people too much.

Our real problem lies in the fact that, too often, we love people more than we love God.  Our greatest love should not abide in the universe, but beyond it.  Jesus rightly demands that we, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment."  When people care more about other people's welfare, other people's rights, other people's safety, and other people's agendas than they care about God, they inherently lose the ability to love those same people rightly.

C.S. Lewis puts it much better than I can.  He writes of his wife, saying:

     "To love you as I should, I must worship God as Creator.  When I have learnt to love God better
than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.  In so far as I learn
to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards
the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all.  When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed, but increased."

God not only must be, but IS first in all things.  Colossians 1:17, speaking of Jesus, says this.

     "And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."

God has been and always will be of first importance.  He was first before all creation (Colossians 1:17).  He is first to love (1 John 4:19).  He must be first to receive love (Matthew 22:37).  Also, He is is first to receive offense (Psalm 51:4).

What type of message does it send when David (a man after God's own heart) rapes Bathsheba, conspires to murder her husband Uriah, covers it up, then confesses before God that his sin was against God and God alone?  Were people not offended as well?  Of course they were, but the truth of all sin against people is that it is first and primarily an offense to the person of God Himself.

This, my fellow humans, is our problem. Where problems exist, potential solutions abound.  So I ask, "What is the solution to all our sin (and race) problems in the United (?) States of America?"

The cynical police officer might say, "Try not breaking the law".  The angry BLM protester might say, "White people need to pay for their past wrongs".  The white racist might say, "Black people need to get out of my community".  I hear every potential solution from an all-out race war to more socially conscious legislation, but rarely have I heard this truth.

Spiritual problems can only be fixed with spiritual solutions. 

I know it's easier said than done, and I know this blog does not say it all, but I'm here to say this. 

Jesus Christ is the solution.  He's the solution to centuries of generational sin.  He's the solution to systematic racism of all kinds and throughout all cultures.  He's the solution to abuses of power.  He's the solution to anger based upon unfair treatment.  He's the solution to this world of sin.

O God, that this country may love You first, and that we might wage our war against sin, and not against skin.  May we, by Your power, get first things right, so that all our second things may be, in turn, loved rightly.  Cause us to love our brothers and sisters of every color, not from the puny and broken cisterns of the power of our own love, but from all the length and width, and height and depth of Your love...and may we all say first and foremost....#Hislifematters

One Year Later

A year ago this week, early on a Saturday morning, we received information about a Marshallese baby boy who was almost 3 months old and needing a family.  Testing had shown he had some hearing loss, but Brad and I only discussed briefly whether we should present our profile for this little boy.  We eagerly anticipated hearing something all weekend, as this baby was already here and needed a family ASAP.  The following day was Father's Day, but we did not get any news.  We tried to be patient as another day passed with still no news.  Finally, Tuesday morning, June 23, I texted our consultant to see if there was an update.  She said she had hoped to hear by now but was still waiting.  That evening around 10 pm, we were shocked and thrilled to get a call that we were this baby boy's parents.  A few minutes later we were able to see the first pictures of our new son.  It was so unreal after 4 years of praying and patiently (and not so patiently) waiting for our child.

 

 

 



I was too hyped up to sleep that night and stayed up booking airline tickets, writing out packing lists, and making arrangements.  The following day I somehow managed to do a little work, run several errands, and reserve a place to stay and rental car in Hawaii.  With little more than 4 hours sleep in 48 hours, we were on our way to the airport first thing Thursday morning (June 25).  By just after 6:00 pm (Hawaii time), Simon was in our arms.

Even though our sweet boy has already had his first birthday, this week feels almost like a bigger milestone because he has now been in our family for a year.  You know how some events in your life are so important you can remember certain details about them very vividly?  Not only do you recall the events but you remember exactly how you felt in that moment.  Walking down the aisle on my wedding day and seeing my husband for the first time. . . surprising Brad the news we were expecting our first child. . . holding the son who made me a mom in awe. . . holding my first daughter in amazement at how beautiful she was. . . holding my third child in thanksgiving that she was safe. . .then having my long-awaited and fought-for son placed in my arms. . . they are all etched forever in my mind.

 

 



 





Everyone who has walked the road before says all the heartache and tears and stress and waiting and anything else negative you have experienced is all worth it the moment your child is placed in your arms.  This is true.

When the Time is Right

Life has been crazy lately!  As 2015 came to a close, I started praying about adopting again.  Our family had settled into a nice routine, and life was pretty good and "easy" at the time.  Brad and I talked about it a little more, and in March we decided to start making some inquiries.  We started researching adoption from China and even inquired about a waiting child there.  Around that time, we got our income tax return and thought it could be a good start towards our next adoption.

We sent some emails and made a couple phone calls to learn more about our options with different adoption programs.  Then, the bad stuff started happening.  In the past 6-7 weeks, we have dealt with problems at work and worries about job stability.  We have had multiple doctor visits for Simon with the return of his ear infections and a fever virus with temperatures over 104.  He's had x-rays, blood work, shots, prescription medications, and chiropractic visits.  Our entire family got a stomach virus that was so severe one child ended up in the emergency room.  My debit card number was stolen and $1400 of unauthorized purchases were made.  Our extended family has had a death of a sibling, a fall that required surgery and significant loss of function and a stressful foster care situation.  We are still battling some minor health issues that occurred in 2 of our children while Brad and I were in Hawaii last summer adopting Simon.  One child was traumatized to the point it is still causing anxiety.

It's amazing how you can be cruising along through life feeling good about where things are and things can change so quickly.  I know all of the things we are dealing with are minor compared to what they could be and for that I am SO grateful, but a lot of little things cause a big change in your outlook.  I am not totally surprised, nor do I think it is a coincidence, that we had all this happen when we started acting on pursuing another adoption.  Unfortunately, this is how Satan works.  And it does certainly make me second guess if we are prepared for all that adding another child to our family would entail.



What if we have financial problems in the midst of a likely financially costly adoption?  What if we have unanticipated medical expenses within our current family or with a newly adopted child?  What if our time is stretched too thin when we add another child and we compromise our relationships with our individual children, our family, or our marriage?  Looking at it from that standpoint, things could go wrong and we could have major problems.  But isn't life already pretty unpredictable regardless of whether we adopt again?  Not adopting will never guarantee we will coast through the rest of our lives relatively "easily" but look at the potential if we do adopt:  What if the next child is more of a blessing to us than the other way around?  How might bringing an orphan into our home impact that child's salvation, life, and his or her future generations?  How might living the Gospel in our home reinforce our faith with our current children?  When I look the options, the answer seems pretty obvious, but believe me, I am a not a risk taker.  This leap scares me just as much this time around as it did the first time.

So here's the deal:  we are praying about pursuing another adoption. . . not so much IF we should adopt at this point, but HOW.  Brad and I have gone back and forth considering the many variables:  domestic, international, or foster?  Boy, girl, or either?  Age?  Special needs?  The only thing we are not really grappling with is the child's race because it does not matter to us.

Please be in prayer for discernment and clarity as we seek out God's will for our family.  We are excited to see what He has in store for us!



Being Brave

Over Christmas 2013 I read One Perfect Word by Debbie Macomber.  In the book, the author describes how she has a specific word that she meditates on and learns from over the course of a year.  In choosing a word, it sort of picks her, not the other way around.  I was intrigued by this idea, so by early 2014, I knew my word would be "HOPE.". Through scripture, books, quotes, life experience, and inflection, I learned so much about hope that year.  In 2015 my word was "JOY."  It was a similar experience.  I thought I knew what joy really meant until last year.  There were many happy moments but also many frustrating and stressful moments.  Through it all I learned that true joy is in God and not our circumstances.

As described in the book, there are often many things that point you toward your word.  As 2015 drew to an end, I was being led to my new word.  As I prayed for guidance in choosing my word, I kept being led back to one I really didn't want.  I resisted and tried out the idea of a couple other words, but it was not to be.  My word for 2016 is "BRAVE" and the irony is, I was scared to choose that word.  Because after the past 2 years, I know that God will challenge me in ways I cannot imagine using that word.

 

 



I saw the movie War Room recently and had read some other material about prayer and spiritual warfare, so I decided to read Priscilla Shearer's book Fervent and the Bible Study The Armor of God.  I thought if I was going to be challenged to be brave, I needed to prepare myself for whatever comes.

 



As Simon quickly approaches his first birthday, I find myself feeling restless.  After 4 LONG years of waiting, it now feels odd to not wait.  For 4 years, we battled to adopt a child.  Make no mistake, there was a lot of spiritual warfare that I was not prepared for in the beginning, and I pleaded for it to all end countless times.  Now that we have Simon, I miss that intimacy I had with God as I was in the midst of the battle.  I certainly realize that being close to God doesn't always require giant leaps of faith and sacrifice, but I do understand why people who answer such calls do so repeatedly.  Why would Jim Elliot move his family to Ecuador to evangelize the Auca Indians while they were hostile towards outsiders and then his wife Elizabeth choose to stay and continue his mission work after he was killed?  Why would Katie Davis (Majors) leave the upper middle class comforts of home at 18 to move to Uganda and then become the mother to over a dozen orphaned girls?  Because they were listening and following God's will for their lives.  They experienced the intimacy with God that only comes when you have nothing to rely on but your faith and trust in Him.

 





I don't know what is next for me or my family.  I am not a brave person, so it wouldn't take anything very radical to require bravery on my part to act.  Maybe another adoption is in our future or some other form of orphan care ministry.  I certainly have strong convictions in that area, but Brad also feels called to other ministries.  We shall see what the future (and the year) hold!



God's Sovereignty and Trump's Presidency

I listened to Donald Trump's entire speech from his visit this past weekend in Madison.  Mr. Trump delivered this speech at most-attended rally since he began his seemingly unstoppable trajectory to the Republican Party's nomination, and what could possibly be headed to the White House.  I listened to it all, word for word, and my reaction was almost visceral.  I asked myself, "How could so many people (especially in the Bible belt) be so drawn to a man such as this?"  I was inspired to write this post, because I know for sure at least one answer to this question, which led me to the proposition I will present for another answer.

Should Donald Trump become President of the United States, it will be because God has ordained it to be so.  Faith in God's wisdom and sovereignty and being assured that His word is true, I am compelled to proclaim it over all things, even things that I fear and/or don't like.  Romans 13:1 gives me assurance that this election is not simply in the hands of Republicans or Democrats.  It is squarely in the hands of God.

 "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities have been established by God." - Romans 13:1

Again, I'm reminded.

"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;  all things were created by Him and for Him." - Colossians 1:16

Let there be no doubt, God ordained the winner of this election before time began, and it will not take Him by surprise.  God's word says this, and I believe it.

What type of man might God have ordained?  I'm no political follower, but, as I said earlier, I watched Mr. Trump's entire speech from Madison.  Mr. Trump claims to be a Christian man.  On almost a dozen occasions, he called Marco Rubio by the moniker "Little Marco".  He spoke of making "great deals".  He spoke of making Mexico pay for his wall.  He used the phrase, "My mission in life has been to make money".  Thankfully he did not repeat many of the other statements he's uttered in the past regarding his other opponents, women he's had sex with, women he's married (and divorced), ugly people, poor people, etc., etc., etc.  This man's past, his lifestyle, his speech, his campaign, and his "Christian" witness are shot through with all the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit, not the presence of it.

Consequently, if I believe God has ordained this high position for such a man, I must naturally be led to the question, "But why?"

Why would God our good and loving Father ordain that such a man as Donald Trump be brought to the highest office in the land (and the world)?

Are all the things God ordains for good?
Are all the things God ordains for good for all people?
Are all the things God ordains easy?
Are all the things God ordains comfortable?

These are the questions that can lead you to lean into God or to lean away from Him.  I choose to lean into Him as I make my next proposal.

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truths of their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them....For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as a God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools....They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator....since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, He gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not be done.  They become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice.  They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful....Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such thing deserve death, they not only continue to do these things, but approve of those who practice them." - Romans 1:15-32 (abb.)

As I type this, I see much of this passage describing the man who may be President.  Should this become the case, I can only reason that a Trump presidency would be God's wrath against a nation that has for too long claimed that it does not need Him.

We see it all around us, do we not?  The United States wants to claim (and even invoke) God's blessing, but we refuse to give Him credit when we receive it.  We ask God to preserve our freedom and we resign Him to open-air "free speech areas".  We remove Him from the classroom, from the lips of our officials, from our town squares, and we wonder how He would allow bad things to happen.

God has done it many many times before.  How many of Israel's kings were a blessing to the nation compared to those who were God's wrath to the nation?

Finally, a prediction.  I predict that we will see a President Trump take the oath of office next year, and it will be part of the wrath of God being further revealed to our land.

Will Mr. Trump's election be the end of democracy and cause the sky to fall on these United States?  No.  However, I do believe that it would be another step down the ladder away from God's presence and God's approval.  Character matters, especially from one who claims to personally know the God of the Universe and His only begotten Son.

Cast your vote tomorrow with confidence.  God will be get glory from what He has ordained.  He will get glory by the light of His presence or He will get glory by the light of His wrath.  God help us all to know the difference.