We have been preparing to bring Annie home since last August. We are so excited to make her a part of our family, but her homecoming will not look like that of a newborn coming home from the hospital or even like Simon's as a 3 month old. Annie has spent the first 5 years of her life without a permanent family and has had multiple different care givers over her lifetime. This means she won't really understand the role of Brad and I as her "Baba" and "Mama" and could view us for a time as another set of temporary care givers.
Annie's first few months home will be critical to bonding so that she understands Brad and I are who she should rely on to meet her needs, to establish trust, and to model to her what a family is. Because of her background, we will be "cocooning" for a period of time, largely determined by Annie. This means we will stay home more than usual to allow us to spend a lot of time together and to minimize overstimulation that can occur from all the changes. We have a lot of lost time to "recover" with her as her parents.
It is very important that those close to us understand and cooperate with our requests during this period of bonding. Cocooning is a well researched topic in the adoption world. It is very important that Brad and I be the ONLY people to meet Annie's needs during this time. Children who have grown up with multiple care givers often demonstrate indiscriminate affection, which means they easily go to anyone to meet their needs. While this behavior may be interpreted that Annie is adjusting well, it actually means the opposite. Indiscriminate affection is a coping mechanism children display as a means of survival when they have learned that charming behavior or affection will help win their caregiver's favor. For most of her life Annie has not had a traditional family unit modeled for her and will likely not understand the true role of us as her parents. Therefore, we ask that if Annie comes to anyone other than Brad or I for requests, she be directed back to one of us. This could include requests, such as a drink or snack, a hug, to be held, or to sit in a lap.
When we arrive home, Annie will be a very traumatized little girl. Her whole world will have changed in an instant and she will be in a strange place with strange people (us). Children who are traumatized can display a wide variety of behaviors, from shutting down completely, to acting hyper, to laughing at inappropriate things, to anger. She may lash out or she may show very little signs that she is upset. Sadly, these are all totally "normal" behaviors of a child in her circumstances. Brad and I have been through lots of training to help prepare us for this. We understand that the child we meet in China and bring home is not a true representation of who she really is. Please show her some grace, particularly the first few weeks/months home and feel free to talk to us privately if you have any questions or concerns. While we expect she will speak little to no English, she will learn quickly and her comprehension (or understanding of what is being said) will occur before she is able to speak or express herself well. Be aware she will understand what she is hearing around her before she can speak English herself.
We are so excited to meet Annie and to have her meet our friends and family! We thank you for your understanding if our first weeks home look a little different. Please see the links below for some additional insight into cocooning and older child adoption.
http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/
http://abeautifulsymphony.com/cocooning-is-critical-part-2-of-metamorphosis-of-the-adopted-child/
http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-attachment
http://www.lwbcommunity.org/realistic-expectations-post-adoption-struggles
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Monday, December 26, 2016
Christmas Before Easter
Over 3 years ago in March 2013 Brad and I were still licensed foster parents. One evening I came home to a 17 year old African American teenager sitting on our couch. I'll never forget the look on his face--the fear and uncertainty that he tried hard to mask with indifference. Over the next several weeks while he was a part of our family, he tried to prove he didn't need us to take care of him. This child on the brink of adulthood was torn between believing he could fend for himself (as I suspect he had done for quite some time) and allowing himself to be vulnerable and cared for. He was a good kid who'd just had some tough breaks in life.
Perhaps that is why the intense spiritual warfare that went on in our home while he lived with us was so unexpected. Of all the things we feared when bringing an unknown teenager into our home, this was not one we really anticipated. We had encountered spiritual warfare in foster care before, but this was truly a war for the truth to be evident in this young man's soul. And during that period he was in our home, we lost the battle.
A lot has happened in the years since. We have reconnected with this young man and have continued to build a relationship with him. Truthfully, I think of him like another son. This weekend, I have seen the beginnings of an answered prayer that has been over 3 years in the making. At 21 years old, he had never really had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas before, and this year he agreed to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family. I pray we have shown him the joy of the season and modeled what a family is supposed to be like. But mostly, I pray he comes to truly know Jesus like never before. You see, that spring of 2013 he had agreed to attend church with our family on Easter, and it did not happen that Sunday or any since. Given the circumstances, I have no doubt Satan was involved. . . but perhaps it was God's plan all along that we would have Christmas before we could get Easter. Here's to new beginnings!
credit to Mrs. Beth for the photo--our family was in the balcony
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Ransomed
We learned pretty early in our adoption process that Annie has a close bond to an older foster sister where she is living. Recently, I saw a blog post advocating for this older girl's adoption. I feel so sad for this girl, who has waited longer than most for her own family and seems so loving towards the younger children she is around. It is such a tragedy that all these children who have already lost so much now have a price on their heads. Through no fault of their own, these children now have a high dollar adoption fee that must be paid in order to ransom them. In our broken world there are too many individuals and entities who are corrupt or are looking to take advantage of a child in a hopeless situation, so our worldly solution has resulted in a taxing, lengthy, stressful, and costly adoption process to try to keep things ethical. But isn't that again a picture of the gospel...of our redemption in Christ? Couldn't Jesus have skipped those 33 years on earth and avoided the pain, sorrow, and disappointment that came with it? Did He have to pay the price with His life?
We so often dismiss Christ's death on the cross as if it is nothing, but then scoff at the money it takes to complete an adoption.
How much is your life worth? Your child's? What would you pay and what length would you go to pay it? Jesus certainly didn't take the easy way out for us. Orphaned children are the most vulnerable helpless beings on earth. There is absolutely NOTHING that they can do to get out of their situation. They need a redeemer, just like we all need the Redeemer.
We so often dismiss Christ's death on the cross as if it is nothing, but then scoff at the money it takes to complete an adoption.
How much is your life worth? Your child's? What would you pay and what length would you go to pay it? Jesus certainly didn't take the easy way out for us. Orphaned children are the most vulnerable helpless beings on earth. There is absolutely NOTHING that they can do to get out of their situation. They need a redeemer, just like we all need the Redeemer.
Our family could have done a lot with the money we have spent over the years on adoption. If you knew how much we'd spent, I'm certain it would SHOCK you. It amazes me to think about it, and honestly I couldn't tell you how we did it. The numbers don't add up, but somehow God provided. When we first started the process in 2011, we didn't really consider private (domestic or international) adoption because of the financial aspect. We already had 3 children we were raising and couldn't imagine saving large sums of money. But God ended up calling us to face EVERY single fear and reservation we had about adoption in the 4 years we waited for Simon. For us, the Lord required total surrender and when we finally did, we had our child in our arms within a week.
So how have we done it?
So how have we done it?
First and foremost, but the grace of God. People in the adoption world not-so-lovingly refer to the "adoption fairies." This is the spiritual warfare that attacks in the form of financial crises, including lost jobs, costly home or car repairs, illnesses or surgeries, and anything else that diverts planned adoption funds to other avenues. It is a given as a Christian family that you will face more of these types attacks during an adoption.
We have made sacrifices financially. Brad drives a car older than our son, who will turn 14 this month. We have passed up opportunities for vacations, fancy clothes, the latest electronics, and other luxuries that we could have afforded otherwise. We have not invested this "extra" money in retirement or college saving accounts. We certainly haven't chosen the comfortable or easy route by adding to our family through adoption. Matthew 6:20 tells us "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." There is nothing we could EVER buy that would be as rewarding as what adoption has done for our family. We have been the lucky ones. And the reality for children who don't grow up in families is heartbreaking.
We have made sacrifices financially. Brad drives a car older than our son, who will turn 14 this month. We have passed up opportunities for vacations, fancy clothes, the latest electronics, and other luxuries that we could have afforded otherwise. We have not invested this "extra" money in retirement or college saving accounts. We certainly haven't chosen the comfortable or easy route by adding to our family through adoption. Matthew 6:20 tells us "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." There is nothing we could EVER buy that would be as rewarding as what adoption has done for our family. We have been the lucky ones. And the reality for children who don't grow up in families is heartbreaking.
Without adoption our son Simon would almost certainly not have received the medical care he has needed for his chronic ear infections or the intervention for his hearing loss. Our daughter Annie, who is waiting for us, is 4 years old, but is the size of a small 1 year old. These children aren't worried about whether they will have designer clothes or a trip to Disney World or a car when they turn 16. These are first world luxuries. Vulnerable children are worried about when their next meal will be. In many parts of the world, survival is not a given, especially for orphans. I have known multiple families in the adoption process whose child died of easily preventable or treatable causes before the family was able to complete the required steps to travel. We have to know that God is in control, but time is not our friend in the adoption process. There are always delays and hiccups and simply unexplained waits. And sometimes these delays mean a child "ages out" and becomes ineligible to become legally adopted. Know that vulnerable children who survive to adulthood do so without a personal advocate to ensure they receive the basic nutrition, nurturing, guidance, medical care, education, and life skills necessary to survive.
Mother Teresa said, "The poverty of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for is the greatest poverty."
There are literally thousands of children in need of a family. Their adoption paperwork is prepared, and they are patiently waiting their turn. Could it be you God is calling to ransom them?
Mother Teresa said, "The poverty of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for is the greatest poverty."
There are literally thousands of children in need of a family. Their adoption paperwork is prepared, and they are patiently waiting their turn. Could it be you God is calling to ransom them?
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
The Brutal and the Beautiful
We live in a strange world. All around us, everyday, our senses and our lives face collisions from this odd place.
In one way, this place wears away at me, reminding me that there are still places where being the wrong color can be deadly, there are approximately 40 million lives thrown away to abortion each year, over half a million souls go homeless in the most prosperous country in the world, and of course, we are still embroiled in wars. This world can be a brutal place.
Other times, of course, the world builds back, in tiny chunks, what it has torn away. I've seen black and white praying together, I've seen the effects of medical missions, as they change life by doing things as simple as fixing teeth, there are Chinese women who care for literally dozens of orphans in one house, and, again, I see war.
Yes, there is beauty in war, and I was inspired to cite portions of the movie Hacksaw Ridge to exemplify how the brutal and the beautiful can meld, and how, specifically, these things relate to God and how He has also designed adoption to be the same way.
In the movie, Private Desmond Doss, becomes the first conscientious objector to win the Medal of Honor for his acts of bravery during the Battle of Okinawa, near the end of World War II. In short, he served the US Army as a battlefield medic, going into battle without a weapon, and was instrumental in saving the lives of no less than 75 men over several days. You can read more about his story here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss
Read his story and watch the movie. You will find no shortage of brutality or beauty. Here were my thoughts while viewing, based on some of the film's greatest scenes.
- Adoption is War -
Anyone who has gone through the drudgery of the adoption process, whether domestic, international, or through foster care, can attest to the truth of being attacked on all sides. You will be attacked by Satan. Attacks will range from your health, your family's health, your relationship with your extended family, your finances, your work schedule, your work security, breakdown of the adoption system, questioning your own motives, doubting God's timing, battling despair as you see the crushing need for more children who need forever families, the hustle of paperwork, travel plans, potential "what-if's" about your adopted child, etc.
I could go on, but you get the idea. In Hacksaw Ridge, Private Doss was told to take off his medic arm badge, as the Japanese army took pride in killing medics. He had become a target by becoming an agent of good. The same goes for adoption. Satan hates children and he hates families who want to help those children. War is brutal, right?
- Adoption takes a Team -
Private Doss valiantly braved the blood and guts (literally) of battle, dragging each wounded man he encountered to the edge of the 400' tall cliff, near the edge of the U.S. camp below. He devised a rope system to lower the wounded down to camp. When at the bottom, these men would be take off the rope and Private Doss raised it back up to find another. In short, Doss braved the field, but those below supported his efforts. Without both, nobody would've been saved.
So it is with adoption. Not everyone can (or should) be "out there" doing the adopting, but there must be a slew of others there waiting in the wings. There must be supportive extended families, churches, Sunday School classes, schools and teachers, adoption professionals, medical professionals, and legal professionals. Sadly, adoption is a complicated process, so the support of those "in the camp" is essential, or else the system breaks down. Of course, when the system works, amazing things happen.
- Adoption is about Life and Death -
On Hacksaw Ridge, thousands upon thousands of men died on the battlefield. Desmond Doss saved 75. By default, the work of an Army medic is anemic, at best. War is inherently about death; it is only the exceptional parts which make some into heroes. Doss testifies that he prayed continually through the night, "Lord, let me find one more." The beauty in this request could fuel a dozen sermons. Here's the thing, though. Private Doss's faith in God was the driving force to do this amazing thing, and he prayed that God would do it through him one man at a time, and yet he would leave thousands behind.
Adoption is often heartbreaking because you know that you can't adopt every child. Simply put, adoption is about life or death. And here's something you won't read on many adoptive blog sites. There will be thousands of children who are born, live, and die without ever gaining a forever family. They will be left on the cursed battlefield of this Earth, and suffer the consequences of the effects of sin on this world of ours, not as punishment for their sins, mind you, but simply because we live in a world full of sin, hurt, and pain. We Christians are called to tread this earth, and to be in the world but not of it, and to therefore, be instruments to rescue the perishing one life at a time.
Jesus went after 1 in 99. He went after you and me. We must look adoption in the face, and see it not as a global issue, but a personal one. Adoption is like a pair of eyes; look hard enough, and you'll see yourself. Oh, that God would raise up a great army of soldiers to join in the cry, "Lord, let me find one more"!
- Adoption is worth it -
When Private Doss lowered those wounded men to the ground, he did so with rope, without gloves, and often very quickly. Of course, this meant serious rope burn. He was bloodied, tired, caked with dirt, and (eventually) wounded himself. The movie portrays this ordeal as incredibly intense, almost hypnotic, so much that when he comes back to camp, Doss is still on edge, jumpy, and hyper-alert.
Soon thereafter, one of his commanding officers is led to the makeshift hospital which had been set up in camp and asks, "Who did all this?". The answer came back, "Doss....".
Adoption is often painful. It can make you feel like crap, and, on some days, even look like crap. Getting it done and completed is an ordeal. After the brutality of all the worrying, second guessing, waiting, paying, signing, notarizing, paying again, and legalizing are over, though, to look back and see the outcome makes you believe anew that the greatest things are always the hardest on some, and free to others. To reminisce on the pain, in light of the reward, is to know that it was all worth it!
Desmond Doss was a hero. He went to war and risked his life for the life of another over and over and over again. In the end, though, he did his duty. Was it amazing? Yes, of course! Funny though, I don't think I've ever heard a hero admit that what he or she did was heroic. It's also funny how doing what you are ordered to do puts you in the position to look like a hero. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans...." (James 1:27). You, reader, are called to do this in one way or another, and it. is. always. worth. it.
I'm reminded, though, every earthly "hero" is only a shadow of the one true hero. He lived a beautiful life and died a brutal death, and was raised to a new life or imperishable beauty, which He has granted to all who believe. The true hero receives the ultimate glory. This is the ultimate end of Hacksaw Ridge, every adoption story, every human being, all brutality, and all beauty. I think Desmond Doss would agree....
In one way, this place wears away at me, reminding me that there are still places where being the wrong color can be deadly, there are approximately 40 million lives thrown away to abortion each year, over half a million souls go homeless in the most prosperous country in the world, and of course, we are still embroiled in wars. This world can be a brutal place.
Other times, of course, the world builds back, in tiny chunks, what it has torn away. I've seen black and white praying together, I've seen the effects of medical missions, as they change life by doing things as simple as fixing teeth, there are Chinese women who care for literally dozens of orphans in one house, and, again, I see war.
Yes, there is beauty in war, and I was inspired to cite portions of the movie Hacksaw Ridge to exemplify how the brutal and the beautiful can meld, and how, specifically, these things relate to God and how He has also designed adoption to be the same way.
In the movie, Private Desmond Doss, becomes the first conscientious objector to win the Medal of Honor for his acts of bravery during the Battle of Okinawa, near the end of World War II. In short, he served the US Army as a battlefield medic, going into battle without a weapon, and was instrumental in saving the lives of no less than 75 men over several days. You can read more about his story here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss
Read his story and watch the movie. You will find no shortage of brutality or beauty. Here were my thoughts while viewing, based on some of the film's greatest scenes.
- Adoption is War -
Anyone who has gone through the drudgery of the adoption process, whether domestic, international, or through foster care, can attest to the truth of being attacked on all sides. You will be attacked by Satan. Attacks will range from your health, your family's health, your relationship with your extended family, your finances, your work schedule, your work security, breakdown of the adoption system, questioning your own motives, doubting God's timing, battling despair as you see the crushing need for more children who need forever families, the hustle of paperwork, travel plans, potential "what-if's" about your adopted child, etc.
I could go on, but you get the idea. In Hacksaw Ridge, Private Doss was told to take off his medic arm badge, as the Japanese army took pride in killing medics. He had become a target by becoming an agent of good. The same goes for adoption. Satan hates children and he hates families who want to help those children. War is brutal, right?
- Adoption takes a Team -
Private Doss valiantly braved the blood and guts (literally) of battle, dragging each wounded man he encountered to the edge of the 400' tall cliff, near the edge of the U.S. camp below. He devised a rope system to lower the wounded down to camp. When at the bottom, these men would be take off the rope and Private Doss raised it back up to find another. In short, Doss braved the field, but those below supported his efforts. Without both, nobody would've been saved.
So it is with adoption. Not everyone can (or should) be "out there" doing the adopting, but there must be a slew of others there waiting in the wings. There must be supportive extended families, churches, Sunday School classes, schools and teachers, adoption professionals, medical professionals, and legal professionals. Sadly, adoption is a complicated process, so the support of those "in the camp" is essential, or else the system breaks down. Of course, when the system works, amazing things happen.
- Adoption is about Life and Death -
On Hacksaw Ridge, thousands upon thousands of men died on the battlefield. Desmond Doss saved 75. By default, the work of an Army medic is anemic, at best. War is inherently about death; it is only the exceptional parts which make some into heroes. Doss testifies that he prayed continually through the night, "Lord, let me find one more." The beauty in this request could fuel a dozen sermons. Here's the thing, though. Private Doss's faith in God was the driving force to do this amazing thing, and he prayed that God would do it through him one man at a time, and yet he would leave thousands behind.
Adoption is often heartbreaking because you know that you can't adopt every child. Simply put, adoption is about life or death. And here's something you won't read on many adoptive blog sites. There will be thousands of children who are born, live, and die without ever gaining a forever family. They will be left on the cursed battlefield of this Earth, and suffer the consequences of the effects of sin on this world of ours, not as punishment for their sins, mind you, but simply because we live in a world full of sin, hurt, and pain. We Christians are called to tread this earth, and to be in the world but not of it, and to therefore, be instruments to rescue the perishing one life at a time.
Jesus went after 1 in 99. He went after you and me. We must look adoption in the face, and see it not as a global issue, but a personal one. Adoption is like a pair of eyes; look hard enough, and you'll see yourself. Oh, that God would raise up a great army of soldiers to join in the cry, "Lord, let me find one more"!
- Adoption is worth it -
When Private Doss lowered those wounded men to the ground, he did so with rope, without gloves, and often very quickly. Of course, this meant serious rope burn. He was bloodied, tired, caked with dirt, and (eventually) wounded himself. The movie portrays this ordeal as incredibly intense, almost hypnotic, so much that when he comes back to camp, Doss is still on edge, jumpy, and hyper-alert.
Soon thereafter, one of his commanding officers is led to the makeshift hospital which had been set up in camp and asks, "Who did all this?". The answer came back, "Doss....".
Adoption is often painful. It can make you feel like crap, and, on some days, even look like crap. Getting it done and completed is an ordeal. After the brutality of all the worrying, second guessing, waiting, paying, signing, notarizing, paying again, and legalizing are over, though, to look back and see the outcome makes you believe anew that the greatest things are always the hardest on some, and free to others. To reminisce on the pain, in light of the reward, is to know that it was all worth it!
Desmond Doss was a hero. He went to war and risked his life for the life of another over and over and over again. In the end, though, he did his duty. Was it amazing? Yes, of course! Funny though, I don't think I've ever heard a hero admit that what he or she did was heroic. It's also funny how doing what you are ordered to do puts you in the position to look like a hero. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans...." (James 1:27). You, reader, are called to do this in one way or another, and it. is. always. worth. it.
I'm reminded, though, every earthly "hero" is only a shadow of the one true hero. He lived a beautiful life and died a brutal death, and was raised to a new life or imperishable beauty, which He has granted to all who believe. The true hero receives the ultimate glory. This is the ultimate end of Hacksaw Ridge, every adoption story, every human being, all brutality, and all beauty. I think Desmond Doss would agree....
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Grace Upon Grace
5 years ago Brad and I mutually felt called to adoption. In the fall of 2011 we began working on completing the requirements to adopt a waiting child in Alabama. 4 years later we brought Simon home via domestic adoption. Numerous times I have wondered why we felt drawn to adoption in 2011 if our son was not born until 2015. Definitely our wait allowed us time to learn about adoption and how to parent children who've been adopted. We went through training for foster, international, and domestic adoption along the way, so we learned some of the unique challenges that can accompany each type of adoption. Simon's adoption actually had elements of all 3, which was pretty unique.
Several different times along the way, particularly when the wait was getting longer and seemed unending, Brad mentioned adoption from China. China is known for their stable and fairly predictable adoption program. If we had started with China initially, it would have been possible to bring a child home within a year. But I was never "called" to China. I didn't have any negative feelings about adopting from China, but it simply didn't feel "right" at the time.
When Brad and I started considering adopting again earlier this year, we were fairly open-minded. We considered varying ages and the pros and cons of domestic (including foster) or international adoption. I joined several Facebook groups that advocated for waiting children. We called and inquired about a couple of waiting children, but things didn't pan out in those situations. Brad told me that his preference was to adopt a little girl older than Simon but younger than Micah--around 3 or 4 years old. In early July, I saw a little girl on one of the Facebook groups. After showing her to Brad, we agreed to inquire about her. Turns out that she was likely conceived some time in the Fall of 2011 when we were starting the process to adopt. And all those times prior that I wasn't feeling a China adoption? Well, as far as we know her file wasn't completed to make her eligible for adoption until this year, likely within a couple months of us finding her.
SO..... we are excited to announce that we have a 4 year old daughter waiting for us in China! We received pre-approval for her in August, so now we are frantically trying to complete our dossier and get it to China so we can move through the necessary steps to bring her home.
This adoption will look different than Simon's. First, hopefully it will be MUCH quicker and we think we might travel in late spring/early summer 2017 to bring her home. Secondly, the transition period will be significantly longer as she will be close to 5 years old when she comes home. She will need time to adjust to her entire life changing in a matter of days--new family, new country, new foods, new smells, new language. . . everything. I hate how hard that will be for her, and I am already praying to have as smooth a transition as possible.
Our oldest 3 children are all excited at the news they will be getting a baby sister. Obviously Simon does not understand what is happening, but he will maintain his role as the baby of the family.
As for her name, it was a little more difficult choosing a name for a child we had already seen in pictures and videos. A name we liked previously did not seem to "fit" once we had seen her face. The meaning behind her name was important to us, but we also wanted something short and spunky (like her!).
John 1:16 says, "For from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace."
Our new daughter will be named Annie Charis (pronounced Karis). Her name means "grace grace." Annie will also likely have a second middle name that will incorporate her given Chinese name. We will reveal that name once her adoption is completed.
Yes, we realize we look a little crazy to most people. We did not "plan" to have a large family, but we love our children and we have felt a burden for the fatherless in a way that we cannot simply ignore. We are not trying to become the Brady Bunch (despite Micah's requests). We understand that this will be difficult and costly in every way possible, but we also know better than most the sacrifices involved. Just because we did not choose a "simple" or "easy" life does not mean we chose this blindly. We would appreciate your prayers moving forward:
Prayer requests:
1. That our little girl feels loved and remains safe and healthy until we can travel to get her.
2. That God prepares her heart for all the changes that will be occurring once she is in our care.
3. That our paperwork and clearances move quickly with no significant delays. There are so many steps to this process, it seems overwhelming at times. I am trying to document many of the steps to help educate people a little more about what all is involved in the adoption process.
4. That we have adequate funds to cover the adoption, travel, and medical expenses once home.
5. That our other children are also prepared for all the changes that come with the addition of a sibling.
This Sunday, November 13 is Orphan Sunday. It is a day where churches around the world share "a single goal: that God's great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well."
For more information, check out www.orphansunday.org
Several different times along the way, particularly when the wait was getting longer and seemed unending, Brad mentioned adoption from China. China is known for their stable and fairly predictable adoption program. If we had started with China initially, it would have been possible to bring a child home within a year. But I was never "called" to China. I didn't have any negative feelings about adopting from China, but it simply didn't feel "right" at the time.
When Brad and I started considering adopting again earlier this year, we were fairly open-minded. We considered varying ages and the pros and cons of domestic (including foster) or international adoption. I joined several Facebook groups that advocated for waiting children. We called and inquired about a couple of waiting children, but things didn't pan out in those situations. Brad told me that his preference was to adopt a little girl older than Simon but younger than Micah--around 3 or 4 years old. In early July, I saw a little girl on one of the Facebook groups. After showing her to Brad, we agreed to inquire about her. Turns out that she was likely conceived some time in the Fall of 2011 when we were starting the process to adopt. And all those times prior that I wasn't feeling a China adoption? Well, as far as we know her file wasn't completed to make her eligible for adoption until this year, likely within a couple months of us finding her.
SO..... we are excited to announce that we have a 4 year old daughter waiting for us in China! We received pre-approval for her in August, so now we are frantically trying to complete our dossier and get it to China so we can move through the necessary steps to bring her home.
This adoption will look different than Simon's. First, hopefully it will be MUCH quicker and we think we might travel in late spring/early summer 2017 to bring her home. Secondly, the transition period will be significantly longer as she will be close to 5 years old when she comes home. She will need time to adjust to her entire life changing in a matter of days--new family, new country, new foods, new smells, new language. . . everything. I hate how hard that will be for her, and I am already praying to have as smooth a transition as possible.
Our oldest 3 children are all excited at the news they will be getting a baby sister. Obviously Simon does not understand what is happening, but he will maintain his role as the baby of the family.
As for her name, it was a little more difficult choosing a name for a child we had already seen in pictures and videos. A name we liked previously did not seem to "fit" once we had seen her face. The meaning behind her name was important to us, but we also wanted something short and spunky (like her!).
John 1:16 says, "For from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace."
Our new daughter will be named Annie Charis (pronounced Karis). Her name means "grace grace." Annie will also likely have a second middle name that will incorporate her given Chinese name. We will reveal that name once her adoption is completed.
Yes, we realize we look a little crazy to most people. We did not "plan" to have a large family, but we love our children and we have felt a burden for the fatherless in a way that we cannot simply ignore. We are not trying to become the Brady Bunch (despite Micah's requests). We understand that this will be difficult and costly in every way possible, but we also know better than most the sacrifices involved. Just because we did not choose a "simple" or "easy" life does not mean we chose this blindly. We would appreciate your prayers moving forward:
Prayer requests:
1. That our little girl feels loved and remains safe and healthy until we can travel to get her.
2. That God prepares her heart for all the changes that will be occurring once she is in our care.
3. That our paperwork and clearances move quickly with no significant delays. There are so many steps to this process, it seems overwhelming at times. I am trying to document many of the steps to help educate people a little more about what all is involved in the adoption process.
4. That we have adequate funds to cover the adoption, travel, and medical expenses once home.
5. That our other children are also prepared for all the changes that come with the addition of a sibling.
This Sunday, November 13 is Orphan Sunday. It is a day where churches around the world share "a single goal: that God's great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well."
For more information, check out www.orphansunday.org
Thursday, September 1, 2016
All In
Last weekend I went to a ladies' Christian adoption retreat that I have attended the past 4 years. It is always such a nice time to get away and spend time with other women who understand all that adoption and foster care entails: from the massive amounts of paperwork, to the never-ending wait, to the complexities that come with raising adopted and foster children. We can share tips and struggles and encouragement without worrying we will hear something along the lines of "Why are you complaining? You chose this" or "I could never do that!" or "You must be crazy for bringing this chaos into your life." This weekend reminds us why we are persevering and even continuing to pursue this life: because God commanded it. Of course we don't expect everyone to become foster or adoptive parents. But when you are in the trenches like we are, we have a hard time figuring out why people aren't more involved in this ministry. It isn't simply because we would love some extra support, in the form of prayer, encouragement, or one of the many ways one could offer to help (although truth be told we would take any help we can get!). No, the reason we don't understand other people's enthusiasm, is because we have gotten to experience a closeness with God that you only attain when you submit your entire life over to Him. In no way I am saying that this cannot happen in other forms of God's work. I assume it does! But this is the area where I have experienced an intimacy with God that I never had prior.
Six years ago I was living the "American Dream." I had everything I needed and most of the things I wanted. My life seemed "easy" and "settled." When Brad and I felt God calling us to adopt, it had nothing to do with a discontentment with the way our life was at the time. On the contrary, pursuing God's call almost guaranteed our life would become more complicated. We tried to play it safe initially. We dreamed of adopting a "good kid who just needed a home" from the Alabama foster care system. We assumed we would adopt a waiting child in foster care, which meant no legal risk because parental rights had already been terminated and there is little financial risk in such a situation either. This is not to say there was not fear there because you can never predict all the effects of bringing a new older child into your home. At the time it was still a big leap of faith for us because of all the unknowns.
In his book Risk is Right: Better to Lose your Life than to Waste It, John Piper said, "A choice lies before you: Either waste your life or live with risk. . .We are all tempted by the idea of security, the possibility of a cozy Christianity with no hell at the end. But what kind of life is that really? It's a far cry from adventurous and abundant, from truly rich and really full, and it's certainly not the heights and the depths Jesus calls us to."
God must have figured we had a lot to learn because He took us on a 4 year journey that ended absolutely no where close to what we planned or expected. By the time it was over, we had been forced to confront all the fears we tried to avoid initially. But over the course of those 4 years, God brought me to a point where I was finally willing to say with complete honesty, "Your will be done." I was willing to sacrifice and risk more than I ever even dreamed initially, but God always provided what we needed. My faith grew and was challenged more than I ever imagined. I learned that to know true joy has very little to do with your life circumstances and more to do with your relationship with the Lord. In addition, joy and sorrow go hand-in-hand when it comes to orphan care or any God-ordained ministry. I learned that taking a risk for God is always worth more than playing it safe, regardless of the outcome. I was not truly living for God when I was giving Him what was left of my excess time, money, service, or whatever else.
You can't play it safe and follow His commands. You are either ALL IN or you aren't in at all.
C.S. Lewis said, "Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief."
In John 14 Jesus tells his disciples that whoever believes in him will do the same works he has been doing, except even more because he is going to be with the Father. Just a little later he uses an orphan analogy to tell his disciples that he is not leaving them but will be coming back. He tells them not to be afraid or troubled. God tells us repeatedly not to fear in the Bible. I think this means that God anticipates we will have to face our fears often in our pursuit of Him. If I am cruising along staying in my comfort zone, I doubt I'd need that many reminders to not be afraid.
In John 15 Jesus says that the evidence that we belong to Him will be in the fruit we bear and that if we keep his commands, our joy will be made complete in Him. He then goes on to say that we will be hated and persecuted in this world. Basically, Jesus is telling us that we cannot simultaneously pursue Him and an easy life. This will look different for everyone, but when you are actively choosing Christ's will for your life, you will know it. Because you will rely on Him more than you ever did. You will seek Him more than ever before. You will be taking a true leap of faith that involves risk. But for all the difficulties and stress and sorrow you will have as a result, you will have that much more joy and intimacy with the Lord as your reward.
David Platt stated in his book Radical: Taking Back your Faith from the American Dream, "Radical obedience to Christ is not easy...It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us."
Only when we seek God's will with all our hearts, will we truly experience the reward that was intended for us. I don't want to regret what I didn't do. It doesn't always come easy or without fear, but I strive each day to be "all in" for Christ.
Six years ago I was living the "American Dream." I had everything I needed and most of the things I wanted. My life seemed "easy" and "settled." When Brad and I felt God calling us to adopt, it had nothing to do with a discontentment with the way our life was at the time. On the contrary, pursuing God's call almost guaranteed our life would become more complicated. We tried to play it safe initially. We dreamed of adopting a "good kid who just needed a home" from the Alabama foster care system. We assumed we would adopt a waiting child in foster care, which meant no legal risk because parental rights had already been terminated and there is little financial risk in such a situation either. This is not to say there was not fear there because you can never predict all the effects of bringing a new older child into your home. At the time it was still a big leap of faith for us because of all the unknowns.
In his book Risk is Right: Better to Lose your Life than to Waste It, John Piper said, "A choice lies before you: Either waste your life or live with risk. . .We are all tempted by the idea of security, the possibility of a cozy Christianity with no hell at the end. But what kind of life is that really? It's a far cry from adventurous and abundant, from truly rich and really full, and it's certainly not the heights and the depths Jesus calls us to."
God must have figured we had a lot to learn because He took us on a 4 year journey that ended absolutely no where close to what we planned or expected. By the time it was over, we had been forced to confront all the fears we tried to avoid initially. But over the course of those 4 years, God brought me to a point where I was finally willing to say with complete honesty, "Your will be done." I was willing to sacrifice and risk more than I ever even dreamed initially, but God always provided what we needed. My faith grew and was challenged more than I ever imagined. I learned that to know true joy has very little to do with your life circumstances and more to do with your relationship with the Lord. In addition, joy and sorrow go hand-in-hand when it comes to orphan care or any God-ordained ministry. I learned that taking a risk for God is always worth more than playing it safe, regardless of the outcome. I was not truly living for God when I was giving Him what was left of my excess time, money, service, or whatever else.
You can't play it safe and follow His commands. You are either ALL IN or you aren't in at all.
C.S. Lewis said, "Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief."
In John 14 Jesus tells his disciples that whoever believes in him will do the same works he has been doing, except even more because he is going to be with the Father. Just a little later he uses an orphan analogy to tell his disciples that he is not leaving them but will be coming back. He tells them not to be afraid or troubled. God tells us repeatedly not to fear in the Bible. I think this means that God anticipates we will have to face our fears often in our pursuit of Him. If I am cruising along staying in my comfort zone, I doubt I'd need that many reminders to not be afraid.
In John 15 Jesus says that the evidence that we belong to Him will be in the fruit we bear and that if we keep his commands, our joy will be made complete in Him. He then goes on to say that we will be hated and persecuted in this world. Basically, Jesus is telling us that we cannot simultaneously pursue Him and an easy life. This will look different for everyone, but when you are actively choosing Christ's will for your life, you will know it. Because you will rely on Him more than you ever did. You will seek Him more than ever before. You will be taking a true leap of faith that involves risk. But for all the difficulties and stress and sorrow you will have as a result, you will have that much more joy and intimacy with the Lord as your reward.
David Platt stated in his book Radical: Taking Back your Faith from the American Dream, "Radical obedience to Christ is not easy...It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us."
Only when we seek God's will with all our hearts, will we truly experience the reward that was intended for us. I don't want to regret what I didn't do. It doesn't always come easy or without fear, but I strive each day to be "all in" for Christ.
Monday, July 25, 2016
BLACK LIVES MATTER...........
BLUE LIVES MATTER..............
ALL LIVES MATTER................
How would you finish each of these phrases? Which one catches your attention...gets your support...raises your ire? Unless you've taken up residence under a rock or been on a complete media fast for the last 2 weeks, you've probably already made a Facebook post about one or more of these. Can I give an abbreviated rundown?
7/05 - Baton Rouge, LA - Alton Sterling (White/Blue on Black)
7/08 - Falcon Heights, MN - Philando Castille (White/Blue on Black)
7/07 - Dallas, TX - Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael Smith, Brent Thompson, Patrick Zamarripa (Black on White/Blue)
7/17 - Baton Rouge, LA - Montrell Jackson, Brad Garafola, Matthew Gerald (Black on Black/Blue)
Of course, I'm just hitting the high (or low) points, all of which were, at the least, racially charged, whether specifically racially motivated or not.
The blowback from the following media crapstorm has ranged from Gun Control, to Systematic Racism, to Civilian Compliance, to Media Drama-Crafting, and most of these commentaries have had grains of truth. As tragedies pile up, so do the exposed problems, therefore, I ask, "What is the problem?".
We human beings (especially Americans) have a sin problem. We do not love enough. Now I know what you are thinking; you're thinking that I just wrote the most obvious statement you've read on Facebook today. However, let me be clear and cut more deeply into our problem.
We love God too little, therefore, we love people too much. In turn, we love people too much, therefore, we do not love people enough.
Americans love their idols. Our idols wear many masks. They look like paltry little things like the Red Sox, or the Crimson Tide. They look like passing things, like our pecs, or our tans. They look like pseudo-essential things, like our careers, or our homes. I believe we can all agree that these are not the most important things.
It becomes tricky, though, when our idols look like things that are incredibly important, like black lives, and blue lives, and all lives.
People are the most important things in creation. They are the image-bearers of God. They are the second half of "the whole of the law" as Jesus put it in Matthew 22:37-40. In fact, there is no greater thing in the created universe that we should love above people, for God has called us to do so. In light of this, I say it again. We love people too much.
Our real problem lies in the fact that, too often, we love people more than we love God. Our greatest love should not abide in the universe, but beyond it. Jesus rightly demands that we, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." When people care more about other people's welfare, other people's rights, other people's safety, and other people's agendas than they care about God, they inherently lose the ability to love those same people rightly.
C.S. Lewis puts it much better than I can. He writes of his wife, saying:
"To love you as I should, I must worship God as Creator. When I have learnt to love God better
than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn
to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards
the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed, but increased."
God not only must be, but IS first in all things. Colossians 1:17, speaking of Jesus, says this.
"And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
God has been and always will be of first importance. He was first before all creation (Colossians 1:17). He is first to love (1 John 4:19). He must be first to receive love (Matthew 22:37). Also, He is is first to receive offense (Psalm 51:4).
What type of message does it send when David (a man after God's own heart) rapes Bathsheba, conspires to murder her husband Uriah, covers it up, then confesses before God that his sin was against God and God alone? Were people not offended as well? Of course they were, but the truth of all sin against people is that it is first and primarily an offense to the person of God Himself.
This, my fellow humans, is our problem. Where problems exist, potential solutions abound. So I ask, "What is the solution to all our sin (and race) problems in the United (?) States of America?"
The cynical police officer might say, "Try not breaking the law". The angry BLM protester might say, "White people need to pay for their past wrongs". The white racist might say, "Black people need to get out of my community". I hear every potential solution from an all-out race war to more socially conscious legislation, but rarely have I heard this truth.
Spiritual problems can only be fixed with spiritual solutions.
I know it's easier said than done, and I know this blog does not say it all, but I'm here to say this.
Jesus Christ is the solution. He's the solution to centuries of generational sin. He's the solution to systematic racism of all kinds and throughout all cultures. He's the solution to abuses of power. He's the solution to anger based upon unfair treatment. He's the solution to this world of sin.
O God, that this country may love You first, and that we might wage our war against sin, and not against skin. May we, by Your power, get first things right, so that all our second things may be, in turn, loved rightly. Cause us to love our brothers and sisters of every color, not from the puny and broken cisterns of the power of our own love, but from all the length and width, and height and depth of Your love...and may we all say first and foremost....#Hislifematters
BLUE LIVES MATTER..............
ALL LIVES MATTER................
How would you finish each of these phrases? Which one catches your attention...gets your support...raises your ire? Unless you've taken up residence under a rock or been on a complete media fast for the last 2 weeks, you've probably already made a Facebook post about one or more of these. Can I give an abbreviated rundown?
7/05 - Baton Rouge, LA - Alton Sterling (White/Blue on Black)
7/08 - Falcon Heights, MN - Philando Castille (White/Blue on Black)
7/07 - Dallas, TX - Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael Smith, Brent Thompson, Patrick Zamarripa (Black on White/Blue)
7/17 - Baton Rouge, LA - Montrell Jackson, Brad Garafola, Matthew Gerald (Black on Black/Blue)
Of course, I'm just hitting the high (or low) points, all of which were, at the least, racially charged, whether specifically racially motivated or not.
The blowback from the following media crapstorm has ranged from Gun Control, to Systematic Racism, to Civilian Compliance, to Media Drama-Crafting, and most of these commentaries have had grains of truth. As tragedies pile up, so do the exposed problems, therefore, I ask, "What is the problem?".
We human beings (especially Americans) have a sin problem. We do not love enough. Now I know what you are thinking; you're thinking that I just wrote the most obvious statement you've read on Facebook today. However, let me be clear and cut more deeply into our problem.
We love God too little, therefore, we love people too much. In turn, we love people too much, therefore, we do not love people enough.
Americans love their idols. Our idols wear many masks. They look like paltry little things like the Red Sox, or the Crimson Tide. They look like passing things, like our pecs, or our tans. They look like pseudo-essential things, like our careers, or our homes. I believe we can all agree that these are not the most important things.
It becomes tricky, though, when our idols look like things that are incredibly important, like black lives, and blue lives, and all lives.
People are the most important things in creation. They are the image-bearers of God. They are the second half of "the whole of the law" as Jesus put it in Matthew 22:37-40. In fact, there is no greater thing in the created universe that we should love above people, for God has called us to do so. In light of this, I say it again. We love people too much.
Our real problem lies in the fact that, too often, we love people more than we love God. Our greatest love should not abide in the universe, but beyond it. Jesus rightly demands that we, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." When people care more about other people's welfare, other people's rights, other people's safety, and other people's agendas than they care about God, they inherently lose the ability to love those same people rightly.
C.S. Lewis puts it much better than I can. He writes of his wife, saying:
"To love you as I should, I must worship God as Creator. When I have learnt to love God better
than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn
to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards
the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed, but increased."
God not only must be, but IS first in all things. Colossians 1:17, speaking of Jesus, says this.
"And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
God has been and always will be of first importance. He was first before all creation (Colossians 1:17). He is first to love (1 John 4:19). He must be first to receive love (Matthew 22:37). Also, He is is first to receive offense (Psalm 51:4).
What type of message does it send when David (a man after God's own heart) rapes Bathsheba, conspires to murder her husband Uriah, covers it up, then confesses before God that his sin was against God and God alone? Were people not offended as well? Of course they were, but the truth of all sin against people is that it is first and primarily an offense to the person of God Himself.
The cynical police officer might say, "Try not breaking the law". The angry BLM protester might say, "White people need to pay for their past wrongs". The white racist might say, "Black people need to get out of my community". I hear every potential solution from an all-out race war to more socially conscious legislation, but rarely have I heard this truth.
Spiritual problems can only be fixed with spiritual solutions.
I know it's easier said than done, and I know this blog does not say it all, but I'm here to say this.
Jesus Christ is the solution. He's the solution to centuries of generational sin. He's the solution to systematic racism of all kinds and throughout all cultures. He's the solution to abuses of power. He's the solution to anger based upon unfair treatment. He's the solution to this world of sin.
O God, that this country may love You first, and that we might wage our war against sin, and not against skin. May we, by Your power, get first things right, so that all our second things may be, in turn, loved rightly. Cause us to love our brothers and sisters of every color, not from the puny and broken cisterns of the power of our own love, but from all the length and width, and height and depth of Your love...and may we all say first and foremost....#Hislifematters
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